ihavetoleave
Member
- Dec 28, 2020
- 89
I haven't been employed in many months. I've mentioned in previous posts/comments, I have dealt with addiction a long time, over two decades. Addiction and my own crazy behavior has caused debt to pile up on my credit cards and I am in a severe amount of debt I can't pay off, I can't even make minimum payments as I have lost everything.
I am unemployable at this point, I have built a career on being on substances and in an area I now see I despise and am bad at what I used to do. Not only am I unqualified, I can't even put forth the energy into pretending that I want or deserve these jobs I've done so badly at. The hiring game has changed and now it is much harder to be hired at all in the same jobs so I am ruined regardless, I will not be hired for what I used to do and I have no degree or other skills to fall back on to work anywhere else.
I haven't paid a cc bill in several months after asking for time off payments due to being unemployed. I can't even afford a phone at this point to talk to them about the situation, so with no payments being made and no way to communicate with me, it is only a matter of time before I am sued.
The thought of being sued over my stupid choices terrifies me. I don't want to CTB over something like debt but there is no way forward. I can't cope with a job at all or be hired for one, I have no way to pay off the debt, I can't deal with being sued over this. I could file for bankruptcy but it is a complex process and also expensive. Either direction I turn I can't manage this. My only choice will be to CTB. I have the tools to do this but I am so scared and sad I will have to do this, even though my life is already a mess and I have no options to improve things.
I've crashed my life into the ground. I am terrified of each new day, I have options I can't choose, no solution and I have to die as the only option really. I miss being younger when my problems were about a breakup or failing a class, this is a terrifying place and mess I've gotten myself into after years of messing up and taking drugs/drinking and making crazy decisions. I regret my life and choices so much. I don't believe there is anything after this if I succeed in dying. What a mess I've created, I already cannot forgive myself for so much. If you have a job, if you have financial security and have not boxed yourself into a corner like I have, know it could be so much worse. I hope no one has to deal with a mess like I have created in my own life.
I am unemployable at this point, I have built a career on being on substances and in an area I now see I despise and am bad at what I used to do. Not only am I unqualified, I can't even put forth the energy into pretending that I want or deserve these jobs I've done so badly at. The hiring game has changed and now it is much harder to be hired at all in the same jobs so I am ruined regardless, I will not be hired for what I used to do and I have no degree or other skills to fall back on to work anywhere else.
I haven't paid a cc bill in several months after asking for time off payments due to being unemployed. I can't even afford a phone at this point to talk to them about the situation, so with no payments being made and no way to communicate with me, it is only a matter of time before I am sued.
The thought of being sued over my stupid choices terrifies me. I don't want to CTB over something like debt but there is no way forward. I can't cope with a job at all or be hired for one, I have no way to pay off the debt, I can't deal with being sued over this. I could file for bankruptcy but it is a complex process and also expensive. Either direction I turn I can't manage this. My only choice will be to CTB. I have the tools to do this but I am so scared and sad I will have to do this, even though my life is already a mess and I have no options to improve things.
I've crashed my life into the ground. I am terrified of each new day, I have options I can't choose, no solution and I have to die as the only option really. I miss being younger when my problems were about a breakup or failing a class, this is a terrifying place and mess I've gotten myself into after years of messing up and taking drugs/drinking and making crazy decisions. I regret my life and choices so much. I don't believe there is anything after this if I succeed in dying. What a mess I've created, I already cannot forgive myself for so much. If you have a job, if you have financial security and have not boxed yourself into a corner like I have, know it could be so much worse. I hope no one has to deal with a mess like I have created in my own life.