Help Choosing a date in order to "reduce grief".

[Lupgevif]

My family participates in a culture of constantly remembering the deceased. That mostly means visting the graveyard throughout the year, on different dates, the most important ones being someone's death anniversary or the day of the dead, november 2nd here. While I'll try my best to guarantee my corpse is cremated, there is a very plausible chance my pleas will be ignored by my parents, such as they have always done, and I'll be buried, even though I have conditions to pay for my own cremation, becoming just another visiting spot for relatives in the years to come. And even though my parents don't take my suicide wishes seriously, and I resent them for that, I know I'll cause them to suffer by going through with it.

The thing is, the range of time I've given myself to prepare and execute will end up in a date very close to my birthday. For years now I have set up dates close to it, the very first one being a day after my birthday, and others I made it sure it was a month prior to it. I postoned all of them because I was never so sure I wanted it. Since I know my memories will cause pain, and these memories come stronger in dates such as birthday and death anniversaries, I thought to myself: what if I made my death date the same as my birthday?

Now, even though my relationship with my parents is at its worse right now, and I resent them for calling my suicide threats as only that, threats (also bluffing and emotional blackmail), I do not wish to target them with my death, and I know they'll be surprised and in a lot of pain. I think they will remember their only child for the rest of their days, but I can't help thinking these "special" dates bring the memories with an extra charge of pain. And I do also have some other relatives very close (in vain, and almost artificial ways, but still close enough to cause grief to them) who will remember me.

Interestingly so, as I finish typying this, I have come to the conclusion it doesn't really matters, any date will cause a huge hassle and distress to my parents and relatives; still, I'd appreciate anyone's input and thoughts on this. Just to summarize things up, I'll repeat the question: do you think commiting suicide on my birthday could reduce grief in the long term, since it would merge the two dates I'd be remembered the most in a year (birthday and death day) into a single one? As in, instead of being remembered for two days a year, it would be only one day a year.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think combining the two dates means less dates for them to mourn on and less dates to dread.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i personally would have picked november 2nd. your bday is a day they are suppose to be celebrating and by making it nov 2nd you are merging 2 occasions into one anyway.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Too much thinking for me, I'll just do it whenever, not like I'd be around to care about it. The people that are inconvenienced won't be around forever either so in the end I've never found it to be worth thinking about.

 

[Spitfire]

I think it sounds nice either way really, same dates or not, for either one.

It could probably help or hurt grief, depending on how it is interpreted?

When two dates get combined it makes sense doing this could help lower the overall grief long term to me though.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i just remembered. i plan on saving up and prepaying for my funeral so it goes my way whether im here or not even buying a urn while im still alive. could you try that to ensure youre cremated? for me its a personal opinion of not rotting.....of course burning doesnt sound to pleasant but it seems like the better option

 

[Lupgevif]

i personally would have picked november 2nd. your bday is a day they are suppose to be celebrating and by making it nov 2nd you are merging 2 occasions into one anyway.

I thought about this too, it's a good idea indeed, I am just worried I may not be able to get everything I need until this year's and I don't think I can bear to wait another whole one to do it on November 2nd, 2021. But I'll see.

i just remembered. i plan on saving up and prepaying for my funeral so it goes my way whether im here or not even buying a urn while im still alive. could you try that to ensure youre cremated? for me its a personal opinion of not rotting.....of course burning doesnt sound to pleasant but it seems like the better option

I did consider this, but I quickly forgot about it. I personally am not worried with what will happen to my body, I wish to be cremated more as a way to make things easier to everyone else who remains alive, since being buried means a tomb will be built, and it will require permanent maintenance, demanding both money and energy from my parents (of course it could just be abandoned, but they value these traditions so I know they won't). But I thank you for posting this, you made me remember about it and I'll research further.

 

[Shades of Grey]

I've always thought my birthday would be ideal to minimize the anniversaries people are left having to deal with.

If the geriatric pet I'm currently attempting to outlive goes before this year's installment, I may take it. Was already planning to request a week's worth of vacation time then... which would give me plenty of time to ensure that I'm able to board the proverbial bus sans discovery. I'll be exiting via massive amitriptyline overdose, and worry about getting busted because I failed to show up for work or something if the dying process is prolonged.