Story Childhood abuse study

[Johnnythefox]

I don't think it requires a study to prove the connection, it seems obvious to me.
https://www.theguardian.com/society...ncreases-risk-of-adult-suicide-finds-research

"the risk of suicide rose as the person aged, they found"

It's no surprise to me considering all the shit you have to shovel through.

 

[ReadyasEver]

It's funny....I'm on fourth shovel. Trump bought me a new one, he's leaving so much shit around here we'll never finish.

 

[Johnnythefox]

It's funny....I'm on fourth shovel. Trump bought me a new one, he's leaving so much shit around here we'll never finish.

I think you guys will need more than a shovel.

 

[color_me_gone]

I think you guys will need more than a shovel.

More like a 'dozer is needed.

 

[color_me_gone]

"the risk of suicide rose as the person aged, they found"

Hope it didn't take an IQ over 60 to figure that one out!

 

[ReadyasEver]

I don't think it requires a study to prove the connection, it seems obvious to me.
https://www.theguardian.com/society...ncreases-risk-of-adult-suicide-finds-research

"the risk of suicide rose as the person aged, they found"

It's no surprise to me considering all the shit you have to shovel through.

It probably cost US taxpayers millions for this conclusion. Just like when they told to hide under our desks with our hands over our heads when there was a nuclear attack during the Cold War.

 

[Smilla]

I am 39 and still have PTSD from my childhood

 

[21Neberg]

Who would've thought people get more suicidal as they get older?? Is it that hard that depression is something that never goes away??

 

[LostGirl]

Who would've thought people get more suicidal as they get older?? Is it that hard that depression is something that never goes away??

You are right. Depression is like a light switch, some people are born with this switch, others not. For those who are born with such a switch, once it's been turned on, no matter how hard you try to turn it off. It always find a way to switch itself back on.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I don't think it requires a study to prove the connection, it seems obvious to me.
https://www.theguardian.com/society...ncreases-risk-of-adult-suicide-finds-research

"the risk of suicide rose as the person aged, they found"

It's no surprise to me considering all the shit you have to shovel through.

It needed "a study" to tell them that us living every day with memories of childhood abuse make us more likely to commit suicide?

Jeeeez.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Is it that hard

If you stick around another 30 years you might get a taste of just what it's like for a lot of people.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Who would've thought people get more suicidal as they get older?? Is it that hard that depression is something that never goes away??

This is the thing, isn't it. Childhood abuse affects your whole life and every decision you make and you don't know it until you are much older. You also, often, grow up not knowing how to have a future or make a plan because your whole childhood is centred round pure survival. You simply exist on a day to day basis with no help or support and you grow up with a completely different set of responses to situations to other people.

 

[color_me_gone]

Depression is like a light switch, some people are born with this switch, others not. For those who are born with such a switch, once it's been turned on, no matter how hard you try to turn it off. It always find a way to switch itself back on.

This is a very good analogy, it describes me to a tee.

It needed "a study" to tell them that us living every day with memories of childhood abuse make us more likely to commit suicide?

Just goes to show you how much the mental health industry knows about chronic depression - NOTHING!

If you stick around another 30 years

No thanks, I think I'll just take a pass on that, thank you. :)

It probably cost US taxpayers millions for this conclusion.

Spending money on stupid stuff? Now that's something they know how to do!

Who would've thought people get more suicidal as they get older??

Ludicrous idea, isn't it?

I am 39 and still have PTSD from my childhood

I can only hope that one day, we can all find our peace.

 

[Buddyluv19]

This is the thing, isn't it. Childhood abuse affects your whole life and every decision you make and you don't know it until you are much older. You also, often, grow up not knowing how to have a future or make a plan because your whole childhood is centred round pure survival. You simply exist on a day to day basis with no help or support and you grow up with a completely different set of responses to situations to other people.

I totally relate to this! In my case, I became the primary care taker for my mother's emotional needs. I also became the surrogate spouse for both of my parents. I hate myself today for not 'appropriately separating' from the situation. There was other emotional abuse from a sibling, but it is complicated to explain. Anyway, @JustAboutDone - thanks for the post.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I totally relate to this! In my case, I became the primary care taker for my mother's emotional needs. I also became the surrogate spouse for both of my parents. I hate myself today for not 'appropriately separating' from the situation. There was other emotional abuse from a sibling, but it is complicated to explain. Anyway, @JustAboutDone - thanks for the post.

@Buddyluv19 we didn't know any other way to be did we? Our conditioning to be carers for our parents - in my case my mother (who oscillated between absent, abusive and unstable) began at such a young age we were to never know any different. People asked me why I "preferred" my father who was much more violent but I found the physical violence easier to cope with than the emotional abuse.

And our parents had no right to do that to us. They took away our "normal" and that was not our fault.

Don't even mention bloody siblings!

Hugs for you. And a large drink xxx

 

[Buddyluv19]

@Buddyluv19 we didn't know any other way to be did we?

In late 2006, I had a MAJOR breakdown that resulted in a 5150 and led me into a daily therapy group for depression. One of the therapists said this same thing to me as I was coming to realize that I never learned to care for myself - I was too busy taking care for my mother and keep peace in the family. "You didn't know any better", she said. I remember feeling really angry. I thought that it would have been nice to know this when I was younger. Then I blamed myself and continued the same pattern. That was a bad choice.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Then I blamed myself and continued the same pattern. That was a bad choice.

This is the thing with child abuse and this type of conditioning - we forever blame ourselves and feel forever responsible. Because we learned that from the damn cradle.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Allow me a poem :-)

One of my perennial favourites by Phillip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

 

[goxua]

Allow me a poem :-)

One of my perennial favourites by Phillip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

I love this poem. I have a pink Supreme tee shirt with the first lines of the poem on it. It's my comfy tee I just kick around at home in, with just my undies so it's like a big short mini dress lol

I love my mum and dad and it really took time and a lot of understanding - and myself becoming a parent - to forgive them.

Now, I hope the same from my girls....

 

[Buddyluv19]

I love my mum and dad and it really took time and a lot of understanding - and myself becoming a parent - to forgive them.

Now, I hope the same from my girls....

Forgiveness. This is a great word. What does it really mean?

In my case, my sisters became more angry and disgusted with my mother after they had their own children. They told me it took having their own children to recognize the abuse they had endured.

Maybe they really did forgive my mother, but for them, that didn't mean allowing controlling and manipulative behavior to continue. Unfortunately for my mother, it has cost her time with her grandchildren.

 

[JustAboutDone]

That's a good point. What does forgiveness really mean? In these sorts of contexts and from my perspective it has meant not feeling bitter and letting go of the power the person had over me. Not hating them for what they had done. It doesn't mean allowing them to continue but, for ones own personal sake, not holding anger in your heart towards that person. And it's not an easy thing to do by a long long way but holding on to resentment can stop you feeling free from that person. I can't explain very well -sorry!

 

[ReadyasEver]

True forgiveness is one of the hardest things ever to do. You're right, you hold no resentment or malice in your heart. What makes it so difficult is to trust the person again. I've always had a problem hurdling this, but I've become better over time.

 

[JustAboutDone]

True forgiveness is one of the hardest things ever to do. You're right, you hold no resentment or malice in your heart. What makes it so difficult is to trust the person again. I've always had a problem hurdling this, but I've become better over time.

You're spot on @ReadyasEver - the trust gets shattered and can you repair it? I don't know? I like to keep on believing in people as that's part of the core of the person I am. It's easy to forgive someone and trust them who doesn't realise they are being harmful than someone who knows they are and they keep doing it as they like to see you break.

 

[Johnnythefox]

When does it end? Check out the movie Philomena to get a taste of these bastards.


https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1081776/Hundreds-of-orphans-buried-by-Scots-charity

 

[JustAboutDone]

When does it end? Check out the movie Philome a to get a taste of these bastards.


https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1081776/Hundreds-of-orphans-buried-by-Scots-charity

"Accidental kidney damage" poor little boy :-(
Seriously sad

 

[Buddyluv19]

When does it end? Check out the movie Philomena to get a taste of these bastards.


https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1081776/Hundreds-of-orphans-buried-by-Scots-charity

Unless I am misunderstanding this article, it gives evidence that abused children are being identified and honored from atrocious abuse in the last century. This is a great thing, right?

Here in the US, child abuse of all types has come out in to the light especially over the last 30-40 years. Children can at least have a voice and advocacy now. It seems the poem about 'passing on abuse' is out of date. Thankfully.

 

[Buddyluv19]

"Accidental kidney damage" poor little boy :-(
Seriously sad

According to the article, this happened over 60 years ago. It sounds like things have changed greatly since then.

 

[Buddyluv19]

It's easy to forgive someone and trust them who doesn't realise they are being harmful than someone who knows they are and they keep doing it as they like to see you break.

@JustAboutDone, regarding the question above, how do you know the difference?

 

[JustAboutDone]

@JustAboutDone, regarding the question above, how do you know the difference?

Such a good question! :-)

Usually I go with my instincts. And past performance! If someone has done something particularly spiteful and they've had it pointed out to them over and over and they carry on doing it you know they don't much care to change. It's like apologising - I think saying 'sorry' should mean you acknowledge you have done something that has hurt someone and you will reflect and amend your behaviour.

I think this is where boundaries come into play as you have to protect yourself from people who behave badly. I believe in trusting people as much as possible and giving people as many chances as possible but there HAS to be a point when you set a boundary and say there has to be a change or a consequence.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

Allow me a poem :-)

One of my perennial favourites by Phillip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

NICE! I love it!