possiblegoodbyes
Member
- Feb 17, 2021
- 8
suicide can "run in families" just like any genetic disease or disorder.
seriously, I'm worried that if I CTB, it would start a friggin trend of possibly immediate or extended family members or friends also CTB. For me, I've had suicidal ideation since my teens and half ass attempted/HOWLED for help a couple times in my late teens. Because I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was kind of jealous of people (none who I knew personally.... just hearing about them) who went all the way. BUT because I'm still alive, I would then see how it affected other people... and how it can turn into a domino effect. Like if you personally know someone, maybe the 'jealousy' that they CTB turns into 'if they can, I can'.
Ugh, I just don't want anyone I personally know and love to ever feel how I do and actually CTB. selfish of me to want to stop them because I feel the same way. I don't know why I feel like everyone is capable of saving themselves except me....? Well, this turned into a big word vomit. Hardly remember what I initially was trying to get off my chest. Gah.
seriously, I'm worried that if I CTB, it would start a friggin trend of possibly immediate or extended family members or friends also CTB. For me, I've had suicidal ideation since my teens and half ass attempted/HOWLED for help a couple times in my late teens. Because I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was kind of jealous of people (none who I knew personally.... just hearing about them) who went all the way. BUT because I'm still alive, I would then see how it affected other people... and how it can turn into a domino effect. Like if you personally know someone, maybe the 'jealousy' that they CTB turns into 'if they can, I can'.
Ugh, I just don't want anyone I personally know and love to ever feel how I do and actually CTB. selfish of me to want to stop them because I feel the same way. I don't know why I feel like everyone is capable of saving themselves except me....? Well, this turned into a big word vomit. Hardly remember what I initially was trying to get off my chest. Gah.