Venting Cheesus Fries...I give up

[Saga]

Another rant from yours truly...me..Saga..
I did a great job,people around me in real life hates me...I've done my best for them to hate me,coz I didn't want them to know that I will ctb soon...I didn't want to hurt any of them again..I've hurt them coz of my existence and I feel sorry I was born...I wish I wasn't,I didn't want to be..never did..I tried to let people understand I dont hate myself...I hate what surrounds me I hate what happened to me..When Im gone surely some of my friends/family will tell everyone that I was a funny,sarcastic,moody,crazy girl,but no one knew how much I wanted to die,sure they know that I was depressed I was a failing suicidal (if there is one) they didn't know one thing..I was already dead,I wanted everyone to hate me,coz I don't want to have to explain why I ctb,I didn't want to write a sorry letter for leaving,I was wishing and wishing and wishing that for just one day...let me be the happiest and maybe just maybe,for one last time I will find a purpose to keep on living..But God that motherfucker up above hates me and for that one last thing that I asked from him he wouldn't give..I mean yeah why would he I didn't deserve happiness anyway so fuck it,suffer motherfucking piece of shit he slapped me hard with that so here I am ranting,venting to half of the people I don't even know in real life..well fuck it..I am atleast thankful to you,that you even had the time to spare to read such a rant,the only thing I asked,was that one thing I couldn't have...its painful..

So my method since N and KCN is hard to get a hold of (my seller was trying to scam me for KCN) I read about benadryl..
So it wont do the job right on the spot but,I can take it with alcohol pop some pills and let it get me really drowsy but before I get too drowsy,I will put on a plastic bag over my head (exit bag?) bind my legs,put the rope around my neck (partial hanging) and handcuff my hands behind my back,and I'll doze off to eternity..now what I'm asking is,does this method have a hole?...if so pls tell me I dont want to fail this time...thanks guys

 

[Pupuce]

Get handcuffs you can't take off without a key. I don't see anything else. Hope you can manage to ctb.

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're contemplating this. I think it will be very hard to get your hands cuffed behind your back with the rest of yourself in the described position. And my body would get that bag off, or bite a hole in it, somehow even when barely conscious. Partial suspension could still work, I guess, or not, before someone finds me.

Please reconsider the method. I'm sorry you're suffering so and that life has been such a struggle, but you're also a charming crazy girl who is well loved and will be missed.

 

[Saga]

@Pupuce is that the only hole in my method?I just want to make sure so this goes through without another failure
@Soul, I was planning to use duct tape on my mouth so I wont be tempted to bite through the bag, and before I try to do all these I am planning to take benadryl/sleeping pills along with alcohol to make me impaired to even fight off SI

 

[Pupuce]

@Pupuce is that the only hole in my method?I just want to make sure so this goes through without another failure
@Soul, I was planning to use duct tape on my mouth so I wont be tempted to bite through the bag, and before I try to do all these I am planning to take benadryl/sleeping pills along with alcohol to make me impaired to even fight off SI

That's the only hole i could think of.

 

[Soul]

@Saga, I can hope everything goes as you hope it will, but I still worry. Can we go over the steps?
1] benadryl + alcohol
2] wait to get drowsy
3] tape mouth & legs and put rope around neck (what position will you be in?)
4] put bag on head
5] tape bag tight despite the rope, I reckon?
6] somehow handcuff hands behind back (have you practised that part?)

It's a lot to get done before getting too drowsy, and the hypercapnia will put your SI in panic mode between 5 and 6. You'll suffer way more than I can abide - you deserve a much easier time than that.

What's the venue going to be, can I ask?

 

[Saga]

@Soul
Right now I am currently practicing it,I am living alone in a small room and honestly it's hard to move around the room, But I am also looking at some forest since its near my place or rent a hotel, I do want to get the tying done before I panic on everything,I guess I want to be tripping before I leave? as for the position I was thinking of this

 

[Soul]

I'm 100% not a fan of you going this route, but I'm trying to help you anticipate what could go wrong so that you can work out ways to avoid the problems.

Is it better to get some of the tying and taping done before taking the benedryl + alcohol? How long do you expect to be "conscious enough" after you take it?

What position will you be in? That's significant if the rope is to serve a purpose, but considering your legs will be taped together you'll have balance issues even without the benedryl + alcohol. If you decide to go to the woods ... Is there a friendly tree branch you'd be able to sit on comfortably enough before falling off?