Check Mate

[No One]

Hola Guys. I'm here again and I don't know if anyone of you remember me or not. Whatever, my last post here was about finding hope again and it was when I decided to change my suicide plans and give the life one more shot. I did that, I get myself out of my room. I started to workout everyday. Socializing again. And coping with the daily anxiety attacks. I began to shape a new mindset that can fight anything comes on it's way and I really did so good I'm proud of myself because I was better than when I was under those shitty medications. I took care of myself and I decided to go for a big move on my life. After kicked out from college this year I decided to follow my original dream and travel abroad to study medicine. I applied for a university and I've got the confirmation and I'm on my way to travel( tomorrow will be my final day of processing the papers) it's all went good until yesterday. I had a very strong mental breakdown it was horrible. I felt like there something on my chest I was very cold having anxiety attacks on my whole body I think it was a strong panic. Due to my effort on the past days I could get myself on the next day from my bed. I started to have those suicidal thoughts again. I'm suffering everyday I'm suffering, I didn't had any good days. Even when I knew that I got my acceptance I couldn't feel anything I lost my feelings I believe. Today in a dramatic way I took my mom's car and traveled 50 Km and I bought that fucking poison. They are saying it's very effective and 100% working. I think I'm more closer to death than ever. I'm afraid a little bit but 100% I'm doing it today. It's final. I'm suicidal since my childhood doing it now better than later.

 

[LonelyLight]

Ah I'm so sorry. Your post sounded so hopefull and now you've hit this brick wall. Best of luck with whatever you decide. I'm so sorry things haven't worked out how you hoped, but please continue to be proud of the huge steps you made towards recovery.

 

[Neverod]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, you are the only one who knows what's best for you.
Hope you are able to do what you want in the end, and that, if you wish to ctb, the product works peacefully.

 

[Ark]

It sounds like you have a lot of really good things going for you. Please give it a day or 2 to see if the attack passes and you can keep working on the good things you have going on.

 

[SinisterKid]

Its natural to feel panicked and anxious, its a huge step into the unknown for you. It would freak me out for sure. But you have worked so hard to give yourself a life worth living, why throw all that away now you are so close to achieving what you set out to do?

 

[lymbo]

what polson?

 

[No One]

Its natural to feel panicked and anxious, its a huge step into the unknown for you. It would freak me out for sure. But you have worked so hard to give yourself a life worth living, why throw all that away now you are so close to achieving what you set out to do?

I'm everyday anxious but I was handling it. It's not about the panic attack I'm already over it as I went out my home and dealt with people but the truth is my mind is not working properly anymore I feel like I'll never be normal again and I had bad family situations which affect my mental health very bad. You know brother I think it's easier than trying.

It sounds like you have a lot of really good things going for you. Please give it a day or 2 to see if the attack passes and you can keep working on the good things you have going on.

I'm arranging a meeting with my friends today and on the evening I would do it. I hospitalized twice due to failed attempts and I did all the walk after that in order to things gets better and it really did but me no. Not that much

what polson?

aluminum phosphide