Chaos

[drmihilo]

I have some not very pleasant thoughts floating around in my head. They are philosophically oriented. Searching for the meaning of life, searching for answers to questions about this world, searching for absolute truths or just absolute things. But this world can't give me anything. Everything is too unstable, everything is too uncertain, everything is too chaotic. The world within is complex, and that complexity is clearly not for my mind. It makes me think of death. Suicide seems to me like a release from these fixated thoughts. Is there a way out of this state, because suicide is no longer a way out for me.
Shit, I don't even know how to put it into words...

 

[MrDarkness]

Your probably going through the stage in life of, I need to find guidance or purpose. Finding purpose brings peace to the mind

 

[Im my own Catalyst]

I've had similar moments when I have suicidal thoughts sometimes. But for me I've just tried to accept that everything is so massive and beyond us. That is worrying about the larger scale is just a waste of time and energy.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You may need to consult "professional" help in my opinion as long as you want to try to get rid of your ctb thoughts and ctb isn't an option for you anymore, as you say. Though my personal opinion regarding "professional" help is that there are also high risks of unwanted side effects and failing when the cause and the source of the toughts isn't known and can't be eiminated. I'm sorry I can't come up with a better solution. I hope you can find peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

To me existence certainly is so torturous as we are trapped with our own thoughts as long as we are stuck here, I also see death as being the relief, for me it's the only escape from all the suffering, but anyway best wishes.

 

[drmihilo]

I've had similar moments when I have suicidal thoughts sometimes. But for me I've just tried to accept that everything is so massive and beyond us. That is worrying about the larger scale is just a waste of time and energy.

How did you manage to score?

 

[Im my own Catalyst]

How did you manage to score?

What do you mean by that?

 

[drmihilo]

What do you mean by that?

How did you escape it?

 

[drownll]

You can never find all answers to your questions, but you can tend to the truth until you can ease your hunger for truth and reach stability.
It's ok I know how overwhelming it feels, but that's totally natural and sane for the soul to want to unveil the mysteries of the Universe.
I went through years of total isolation, multiple psychosis, dozens of dmt trips, intense research, and a lot of thinking of course. Now i am stable, i have firm beliefs, i understood a lot.
This is a lifelong spiritual journey. There is no such thing as the "absolute truth" but as you will gain more and more knowledge things will start to make sense and your soul will be at ease.