Venting Changing my date

[Idontmatter]

I've decided to move my date to June instead of July. I can't hold on anymore. I tried but I'm just a weak person I guess. My plan is to check into a hotel the 16th and will die the evening of the 17th. God I hope my husband forgives me. I'm going to take my guilt for leaving him like this to my death bed.

 

[Angi]

So sad to hear this....

If you really cannot hold on, maybe there is something else you can do for him? Write a long note maybe? I am sure nothing will compensate losing you, but knowing you try to be here for him might help him a little, I guess?

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm planning on writing a goodbye letter. All I can do is ask for forgiveness. My mind is consumed with suicidal thoughts and nothing I try helps get rid of them. My only option is to die. I don't deserve to live. Any discomfort I have with dying from the sn I deserve. I'm a horrible person for leaving him like this. Sorry for my rambling this morning. I wake up every day emotional and my first thoughts are please let me die. Im such a fucking idiot.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

May i ask what events pushed you to change the date?

 

[Idontmatter]

My suicidal thoughts have consumed my mind. It's all I think about. I don't leave the bedroom now unless I'm going to work. I've tried medications and other treatments are to expensive. I'm just a failure and I'm going to die a failure.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

My suicidal thoughts have consumed my mind. It's all I think about. I don't leave the bedroom now unless I'm going to work. I've tried medications and other treatments are to expensive. I'm just a failure and I'm going to die a failure.

That sounds an awful lot like me, tbh. Usually takes me 3 hours to get out of bed and I feel increasingly agitated each day over the smallest things. Do you experience that as well?

 

[Idontmatter]

That sounds an awful lot like me, tbh. Usually takes me 3 hours to get out of bed and I feel increasingly agitated each day over the smallest things. Do you experience that as well?

Definitely. Sadly my husband is on the receiving end of my mood swings. Another reason I need to go. I get so mad over stupid things

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. Living really is so painful. I know that it is hard to carry on when everything is so hopeless. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[YourNeighbor]

It's clear you care deeply for your husband. I think (but can't be sure) that the only way he could accept your choice is if he was sure it was the absolute last resort, and all other efforts to fix your problem(s) were tried and failed after recruiting all available resources to those efforts. Suicide is always an option and by definition is also always the last one. Even if it's not taken, death will certainly come for us all eventually, there is rarely any true need to rush it.

 

[Idontmatter]

My only hope is to find a treatment for my depression that works. Tired of trying different medications and nothing working. I care about my husband more than anything. I'm just exhausted fighting and I was really emotional this morning. All my plans are tentative. I have plenty of sn to do it.