Discussion Changes after failed ctb

[restingplace]

I was wondering if anyone noticed a clear change in their personality or how they feel physically after a failed ctb attempt?
For me I feel more numb but also have physically gotten quieter and I'm angry like 24/7 I don't even feel like myself anymore, I feel like I swapped personalities with someone.

 

[UKscotty]

For me it was a shift to more lethal methods that won't be yet another failure.

More determined... but more gentle on myself too.

I wouldn't say numb, more focused on why there was failure... which in my case was half hearted attempts.

 

[DyingToDie123]

Interesting, I didn't notice anything, but it's been a while since the first time. Also I feel like it was a gradual build up in lethality rather than a single especially lethal attempt for me so in that sense none of my attempts felt truly life-changing if that makes sense? Like I went from experimenting with exit bag for longer and longer periods of time and hanging to trying a (too small) dose of lithium and I don't think I truly believed deep down that I'd let any of those things kill me. I guess in that sense I feel more like an attention seeker who doesn't truly want to die now.