Help Chances?

[lyric1863]

Background I tried to CTB last September by the charcoal method. I did everything "right " but despite being in a small bathroom with no windows and a charcoal grill that melted the toilet seat, I woke up feeling just fine. I had wine Xanax, I drug the dog bed into the bathroom and woke up 8 hours feeling just fine! I am trying the SN method tomorrow and although nothing is ideal I am trying again to leave this world. I got it from CCS or something similar 6 months ago. I have not tested it because I wanted to leave it original package.I have OTC anti nausea, a strong gag reflex and not sure based on other post is that CCS may or not be pure.I wanted to test it but first I did not want to unseal it. I went legally blind 4 years due to an unknown genetic disease which makes my previous life nothing short of impossible. Buying test kits and doing the tests would be physically impossible and not something one can ask anyone to help with. I am older than most of you. I have 4 grown sons who I reached out to today who BTW stand to inherit 1M in assets and I heard radio silence which makes my decision seem better. Except I am both scared of living and dying equally as scary or maybe scared that I will fail at SN the same way I did with the charcoal method. And then what?

I first really don't understand why getting an anti nausea is so hard when I can get Xanax! So OTC anti nausea, trazadone. I have depakote but I am not sure that is needed. I have fasted for 3 days but that is really not uncommon for me. SN which may or not be good. If this does not work I do not know next steps.

I really wish I could swallow the SN with alcohol because that gives me bravery. Why is it so f ing hard to just leave?

What does anyone think my chances are?

 

[sayire]

sorry to hear your story. that sucks to get such a response from family! I guess happens common enough that enough of us are here.

CO with charcoal has lot more variables than SN. They way you describe the CO method, to me came across as not as prepared for what that method needs.

I think you are relating your previous different method to new method due to fear more than due to reason. SN has its own pro/con but I think it has lesser moving pieces. I guess what I am saying is, if SN is your method now just focus on getting that right. do not think of it from previous experience perspective. yes, testing SN would be a good thing.