Chance of someone else dying is putting my desire to die on hold

[signifying nothing]

I am more reluctant to ctb because a significant person in my life is now likely to die sooner than expected. This has given me a slim hope that maybe things could improve for me after their death, give me a new chance at life.

Does anyone have experience of a dominant/abusive figure in their lives dying? Did it help? Did things change?

 

[CoalmineCanary]

I have heard cases of people who's lives have changed after the abusive narcissist in their lives died or were estranged. If this gives you a hopeful feeling about the future then it is worth giving it a chance maybe?

 

[serendipities]

well the abusive person died (my mom) but that activated the most complicated grieving period ever. sadly enough, the things she has done to me didnt go away when she died. i didnt forget or got over it. the only thing that had changed was the extra burden of feeling guilty that i was finally free of her. it is now almost 7 years ago

 

[Symbiote]

My monster of a mom died 5 years ago, but I never received closure from her at all. It was complicated grieving process because I was sad that my mom didn't get to see the person I become despite the abuse and trauma she inflicted on me. Some days I hate her and some days I let it go. She always believed and instilled the belief in me that even though I didn't like it, I never said no to it. She believes she's absolved of her responsibility and had me abused because I liked it....:(

 

[Weather]

I think if you are still under your abuser's control, while there will be trauma and complicated emotions to work through, perhaps you will finally have room to breathe. And that may certainly be helpful. I hate that you have had to endure this person; I hope there is some light going forward.

My monster of a mom died 5 years ago, but I never received closure from her at all. It was complicated grieving process because I was sad that my mom didn't get to see the person I become despite the abuse and trauma she inflicted on me. Some days I hate her and some days I let it go. She always believed and instilled the belief in me that even though I didn't like it, I never said no to it. She believes she's absolved of her responsibility and had me abused because I liked it....:(

Oh Symbiote. I am so sorry that you have gone through this. As I'm sure you've been told over and over, your mother was a bad person and a liar. That never should have happened to you; it was always her responsibility to protect you. What a betrayal. I know you have problems (we all do here), but look at you -- able to be an empathetic person even after such horrible circumstances during your childhood. You still have a good spirit.

 

[Mentalmick]

I don't think you'll know until it happens. Even if it's just a glimmer, it's worth grabbing on.

 

[signifying nothing]

Thank you for your replies.

It is a complicated thing to think about, there are just so many unknowns. It seems I should try not to have too much hope though. And in any case they could hang on for many more years to come.

Back to trying to take one day at a time for now.