Scriptchick55
One foot in this world one foot out!
- Aug 24, 2022
- 11
Hello everyone. This is not really an easy topic for me as I've been dealing with this since I was a little girl. I do not worship celebrities as a collective, ironically they are not a big deal to me. However the few musical artist I worship I don't even see them as celebrities anymore I guess more like gods for lack of better terms. I am not in love or sexually attracted to any of these artist. Aside for the music I strongly admire the confidence insane amount of beauty and work ethic as these are things I feel I have zero to very little of. I know so far this just seems like an average fan but I've always took it next level. I find myself thinking and saying what any person would consider delusional. For example thinking me and artist are "connected". Not necessarily a friendship or romance but a connection that can't really be explained. My biggest idol is an artist that is no longer alive. She died when I was very little so I didn't have to go through the pain and grief that her older fans had to go through. I do visit her crypt twice a year for birthday and death anniversary for over 10 years now. I would say I worship about 5 female artist. I rarely focus on all at same time. Usually two to three at a time. The deceased artist gets my attention year round of course. I live for them more than anyone in my personal life. The thought of not hearing some their music anymore is daunting. I don't know how long that will hold me though. Life is only getting harder for me. My only little confidence comes from them and when it appears it's more grandiose so I don't know if that even counts. I feel exalted through them. This is just a small fraction of the "delusions" it only gets worse the older I get. I've never stalked anyone or thought about it just wanted to get that out there in case that gets asked. My mother usually snaps me out of the delusions but even that's getting harder. My biggest fear is that I will start to lose awareness of the craziness I spew at times. I've met full blown fanatics who are just far gone mentally at this point over their idols it makes me uncomfortable but im sure that's how I make some other people feel. When I go to their concerts and or meet them in person it's just a high I can't describe. I will see an artist multiple times close together to get the same rush I felt when I first laid eyes on them in person, whether that's on stage or some sort of meet and greet. Truth is I can never get the feeling again. It's exciting don't get me wrong but you can't recreate that first high. I feel maybe if I sit even closer next tour or say even more next meet and greet it will be a bigger rush, never like the first time unfortunately. I guess I'm just on here trying to see if anyone else can relate. Please be nice in the comments I know I said some weird shit lol. Although I do have thick skin when it comes to this part of my life lol but I always prefer kindness lol.
