CBT today by partial or full

[Thinkerover]

Been trying everyday since last week, having a strong calling since last 1.5 month. Been suicidal for so long that I don't know what life feels like.

World is a very cruel place, I have been damaged so much that I can't recover, I don't want to see another morning. I just want to leave.
Speding the day having my favourite food and trying to remember all the good memories. Time has come, I don't want to be here tomorrow. Wish me luck.

 

[TonyThat2003]

Im not encouraging you luv but if you are going to hang yourself make sure that no one will find you for at least 30 min/1 hour, if they find you its not going to be a good thing, at least leave a note saying "dont save me". Good luck sweetie <3

 

[YukiFox]

My Goddess Ixtab will be glad to receive you. Have peace and good trip

 

[FriendofDeath]

Sending you light and love, no matter what decision you make!

 

[Shoopie]

Best of luck whatever you decide. The only thing I'll add is to ensure you plan properly if you're really intent on doing this.

 

[Thinkerover]

I don't know why I couldn't do it before, I wasn't scared, I know people don't care about me. I have been crying for help for long. When I told my mom about how I feel she said "what will we tell the society that why did you die" "people will talk so much". That was her first reaction. I am still shocked, I don't have anyone to live for and I want to die for myself.
i cannot erase my memory, I am at a point that I don't want to, I don't want to make any effort to make anything better. I tried a lot and yet I was let down by everyone. I am out of hope and energy. I wish there was a peaceful exit, I wish I could just go away without any drama. I wish I never existed.

 

[Shoopie]

When you're trapped in a bubble with family it's difficult to see life outside of them, I speak from experience so I really can empathise.

 

[MeriDeath]

It's really sad to see people leave. I wish you the best if that's what you've decided. Safe journey, stay calm and I'm sorry for everything you had to go through.

 

[Thinkerover]

I so badly want someone to stop me, to tell me and convince me that things will be okay and that I can be happy too. I know this is not going to happen, I go though so many breakdowns and panic attacks each week. I am so broken that I have stopped believing I. god.

 

[Brackenshire]

Please stay, it sounds like you want to. Have you tried help outside of telling your mom. Are you in school ? Talk to mental health there. Go to your Doctor, go to the ER. Someone other than yr mom. I cant promise it will be better tomorrow but it sounds like you want to try, it doesn't hurt to try.

 

[The Dark Chaos]

I so badly want someone to stop me, to tell me and convince me that things will be okay and that I can be happy too. I know this is not going to happen, I go though so many breakdowns and panic attacks each week. I am so broken that I have stopped believing I. god.

I'm sorryy you have to go through all this. Life's cruel at time. Tryy to stayy positive. Being positive doesn't mean everyything will magicallyy be okayy rather it is you that will be okayy no matter howw thinggs turn out. Not everyything's gonnaa be okayy but some things will and that mayy take time. Sometimes you fall apart so that a better version of yourself could fall together. Tryy to pickk youself up and dryy your eyes. One dayy you will wake up and realise that all of the prayers that seemed to be tangled in worries were actuallyy wrapped tightlyy in God's grace.

Take a deep breath. Think. And decide. Its not gonnaaa be easyy to overcome your SI. Whichever wayy you choose to go ahead with, remember that we are here if you wannaa talk. Sending you strength, love and peace.❤

 

[FriendofDeath]

I very much agree with the consensus here - don't give up. It sounds like you don't want to ctb which is absolutely, positively okay. Are you in the states? There are free services - Suicide Hotline for one. Give yourself the opportunity to talk to someone that hears you. There's always the hospital, too. I spent 5 days inpatient. I will confess I did not enjoy my stay, but it gave me access to a team - therapy and medication was part of it. There are outpatient options, too. You could also address it with your regular doctor. Give yourself a chance. Do something for you. It's got to be tough since you haven't received any support at home, but it can happen.

 

[Shoopie]

I so badly want someone to stop me, to tell me and convince me that things will be okay and that I can be happy too. I know this is not going to happen, I go though so many breakdowns and panic attacks each week. I am so broken that I have stopped believing I. god.

Whilst it may be hard to see now, this will end once you have your autonomy. I think at least part of the issue (it was for me anyway) is that you simply cannot see an end or solution. I'm sorry to say but all the time you are living like this it's unlikely to get much better without a serious intervention on your part. Please don't let that intervention be your death. Your family will maybe realise the trouble they've caused after you've died, sure, but you won't benefit.

It will end eventually, but you have to be the one who drives change. Waiting for others to care enough to change around you is not going to work. Some people are awful, plain and simple. Once I realised this when I was younger, and with the help of some good people I'd met in my first part-time job, I managed to free myself. You can too

 

[Thinkerover]

I tried for an hour or so, did pass out once but my SI kicked in and then I couldn't pass out again.
Thank you for your kind words. I will try again, may be a different method but for now I will just cry myself to sleep.