Discussion CBT by starvation?

[NeverHungry]

Hello everyone! This is my first thread.
As you can see from the title, I want to discuss CBT by starvation. What are your thoughts? I want to CTB, but I don't have the courage to tie a rope around my neck or run a scalpel down my wrists. I've never been a violent person, and the thoughts of ending my life in such a way sounds very unappealing.

At the moment, I'm currently in "recovery" from anorexia nervosa, which requires me to eat a ludicrous amount of food every single day. There have been some 'positive' changes, such as my hormones balancing a little bit, but it has ended up causing me more problems. Part of why I started restricting my energy intake was to suppress my sexuality (and lose weight, of course) as I have never been comfortable with it. As my hormones have been starting to normalise, I have seen a return in it, which makes me extremely uncomfortable, and depressed.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. If I gain back to the optimal weight for my height, gender etc. I will also see a full return in hormonal function, which is something I simply cannot except - however - living my life constantly restricting my food intake is miserable. This is part of why I have chosen that I want to CTB. What do you think of this method? Is it feasible?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

There a few threads on this topic floating around. Use the search button and settle in for a good read. Your AN will likely change up some of the circumstances for you, but you're likely used to making those adjustments.

For most of us, the hunger pangs would cause us to cave in and eat, but you are clearly made of stronger stuff than that.

 

[SettOne1994]

its possible only with a lots of emotional well being or some kind of delusion about reality facts

 

[NeverHungry]

@Fallen Angle

I was planning on leaving my family home and traveling around outside, letting nature take its course with my body - but as you said, that would probably end up being due to infection, as I would not have anywhere to be safe or clean.. I wouldn't be too worried about being found really, as I would like to stay on the move for the most part, at least, until my body feels like it can go no further.

Why do I feel like suppressing my sexuality? oh boy, that's a big one... It has been a constant source of my problems for quite a while. A lot of the issues that I have encountered in my life have been in some way linked to sexuality/sex drive. I'm sick of dealing with it, and it feels so nice to not have to worry about it. That was a large part of the appeal of restricting my energy intake in the first place.

@UpandDownPrincess that is one thing that I do have in my favour, I feel absolutely no hunger cues at all.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I recommend using the search for starvation. It's not a recommended method, really need to be in a supported environment like a hospice for it to work. I think the acronym, can also search it, is VESD. I considered VESD and abandoned the idea. Also check the resources sticky for a variety of methods.

 

[NeverHungry]

I recommend using the search for starvation. It's not a recommended method, really need to be in a supported environment like a hospice for it to work. I think the acronym, can also search it, is VESD. I considered VESD and abandoned the idea. Also check the resources sticky for a variety of methods.

Thank you, I will read up some more about it. :)

 

[1DayItWillBover]

Sort of off topic and sort of morbid but at the height of my eating disorder i thought to myself if i should start being bulimic.. just because the constant stress it does on your heart throwing up food.. which then leads to heart attacks, etc.

 

[NeverHungry]

Sort of off topic and sort of morbid but at the height of my eating disorder i thought to myself if i should start being bulimic.. just because the constant stress it does on your heart throwing up food.. which then leads to heart attacks, etc.

I know that feeling, at my 'worst' in my eating disorder, my arms were literally skeletal. There was some serious muscle wasting. I went to the doctor around that time and he took notice of it. He took care to remind me that "my heart is also a muscle".

I had a heart scan a couple of weeks ago, and unfortunately there didn't appear to be any issues.

 

[NeverHungry]

So starvation can be divided into 2 main phases. The first phase goes from 0-30 days(approximately) in this phase you will have enough energy to exert yourself physically(walk, move around, etc). After around 30 days you will not have enough energy to do these things and will collapse due to lack of energy. Infection may set in before 30 days and fainting before 30 days is also common. If you live in a first world country it is hard to not get sent to a hospital if you are trying to CTB though starvation and are in public. The chances for success are better if you go to a secluded low population area. When you do collapse after about 30 days you may still not be dead and if you are not they can bring you back to health. There is no real point of no return with starvation. I wish there was I really do. But they can bring you back to health through forced feeding.

Overall in general if you are in a first world country the best thing to do is find a place where no one will bother you for a few months. This is the only way to grantee death.

How exactly your body performs during starvation depends on your individual body properties.

Can I ask what is the longest time you have gone without food? Can I ask your height and weight?

Also I totally understand the desire to suppress one's sexuality I too had similar thoughts. Are you religious?

Thank you for taking the time to give me more information about this. I am currently living in a first world country, but there are still vast areas that would be considered uninhabited. It is entirely possible that I could find some debilitated shack to spend the rest of my days in, but with my luck, I would probably get found and sent to hospital.

The longest time I've gone without food? I'm not actually sure. On many days, my siblings would be in charge of preparing dinners, and I could not refuse it, as I did not want to alarm them.. I'm about 5'9 and currently weigh ~133lbs. (at my lowest I think I weighed about 108lbs) This has been a really uncomfortable change for me, as I started recovery a little over a month ago, and have gained so fast. I understand that some is water retention, but nonetheless it is distressing.

The desire to suppress my sexuality can be mostly chalked up to feelings of guilt, but not for religious reasons.

 

[NeverHungry]

I am sorry you are going through this. Are you being forced to recover? What is goal weight they set for you? Are you at inpatient currently?

Thank you once again for your kindness. Am I being forced? well... Yes and no? I'm currently still living at home, I was never an inpatient. I want to restrict food intake but my family members are hyper aware of how much food I'm eating. I've also been set up with regular doctor appointments to check in on my progress. My "goal" is ~155lbs/70KG.

Eating so much food every day is very distressing and I'm getting sick of it, and I know that each pound that I gain is one step closer to a state of mind and body that I simply do not want to live in.

 

[Alec]

I don't know pretty much anything about this method, but it seems like you also have a problem with your sexual feelings that you want to repress? I don't know if I'm reading this right but that's what I got from your post, please correct me if I'm wrong.
mid im right, you said that it's feels bad to live constantly limiting your food intake to repress your sexuality and you don't want to do it - have you heard of chemical castration? I know very little about it as well but as far as I know it's basically a treatment that erases your sexual desire. If that's how it works maybe then it would work for you to get you what you want, you wouldn't have to limit your food intake and wouldn't have sexual desire. Try googling it and looking up more info about it, maybe speak to your doctor about it?
I hope you find what you are looking for whatever you choose

 

[drake4871]

CTB by starvation is easier said than done, there are also quicker more accessible, effective and less painful methods. Partial hanging and carbon monoxide method are a couple

 

[NeverHungry]

I don't know pretty much anything about this method, but it seems like you also have a problem with your sexual feelings that you want to repress? I don't know if I'm reading this right but that's what I got from your post, please correct me if I'm wrong.
mid im right, you said that it's feels bad to live constantly limiting your food intake to repress your sexuality and you don't want to do it - have you heard of chemical castration? I know very little about it as well but as far as I know it's basically a treatment that erases your sexual desire. If that's how it works maybe then it would work for you to get you what you want, you wouldn't have to limit your food intake and wouldn't have sexual desire. Try googling it and looking up more info about it, maybe speak to your doctor about it?
I hope you find what you are looking for whatever you choose❤

Yes, that's correct. I have never considered chemical castration but perhaps I should, I may research it. Thank you for your reply and your support. :)

CTB by starvation is easier said than done, there are also quicker more accessible, effective and less painful methods. Partial hanging and carbon monoxide method are a couple

I will definitely have to look into more CBT methods, but some part of me feels the draw to letting my body simply waste away, as I was already doing it...

Wow this is just horrible. Why did they choose this weight? Is it possible to simply get away from your family? What happens if you just start eating normally like not loosing weight but not gaining either?

Well, I think it's the "ideal" weight considered for somebody of my height/gender so... I don't really have any way to 'get away' from my family as I am hopelessly dependent upon them. I'm an anxious mess, so holding down a job isn't exactly feasible. I know that CTB would really, really hurt them, but I hate being a burden. We aren't a very financially well-off family, and the amount of food that I need to take in is really hurting the family budget. If I was gone they might be sad, but it would also be one less mouth to feed. I do not blame them, I understand that they are doing it from a place of compassion, I simply want something different. If I was to start eating "normally"? I'm not actually sure. I think I would start losing weight on a normal intake. I'm eating 4 - 5k calories every day, and my weight is starting to plateau at that amount, which means I will surely need to up my intake even more to continue gaining. If I decided to not gain weight, there is a chance that my doctor could label me as "treatment resistant" and I could get hospitalised.

 

[charlottewilts]

welcome to SS... sorry you're here.

reading your post and the replies you gave to others, starvation doesn't sound like a viable method. you don't want to get hospitalised.

i also live with family so i can't fast for long periods of time, the longest i've managed was 14 days. i tried to give myself refeeding syndrome a few times but either i wasn't fasting for long enough beforehand or i didn't take in enough calories at once. i also tried purging as @1DayItWillBover mentioned but it just left a bad taste in my mouth. both literally and figuratively, haha. when i was at my lowest and my resting heart rate was ~40BPM i considered inducing cardiac failure with stims. i wasn't able to afford them at the time, but considering my shitty luck it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. i did take oral rehydration solutions when i was fasting for more than 5 days - the lack of electrolytes gave me crazy muscle cramps - which could be the reason for my lack of success. i'm just listing these to put into perspective how frustrating it is to try catching the bus with this method. hopefully you can either find a way to recover (both from your ED and suicidal ideation) or a more suitable method.

as for chemical castration... i don't know where you are, but i can't imagine a doctor would agree to do that to a healthy person. have you looked into any other options? when you get PM privileges feel free to message me, i sympathise with a lot of the things you've written.

offtopic, but you're eating 4-5k calories a day, and they still want to increase the amount?! plus, i don't see why they're pushing for you to be 70kg, when 60kg would be enough to put you in the normal range. no offense, but your doctor is a total idiot. those numbers are ludicrous, i can't imagine how shitty you must feel.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I wouldn't recommend this. If you work it will give you concentration problems.

 

[NeverHungry]

welcome to SS... sorry you're here.

reading your post and the replies you gave to others, starvation doesn't sound like a viable method. you don't want to get hospitalised.

i also live with family so i can't fast for long periods of time, the longest i've managed was 14 days. i tried to give myself refeeding syndrome a few times but either i wasn't fasting for long enough beforehand or i didn't take in enough calories at once. i also tried purging as @1DayItWillBover mentioned but it just left a bad taste in my mouth. both literally and figuratively lol. when i was at my lowest and my resting heart rate was ~40BPM i considered inducing cardiac failure with stims. i wasn't able to afford them at the time, but considering my shitty luck it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. i did take oral rehydration solutions when i was fasting for more than 5 days - the lack of electrolytes gave me crazy muscle spasms - which could be the reason for my lack of success. i'm just listing these to put into perspective how frustrating it is to try catching the bus with this method. hopefully you can either find a way to recover (both from your ED and suicidal ideation) or a more suitable method.

as for chemical castration... i don't know where you are, but i can't imagine a doctor would agree to do that to a healthy person. have you looked into any other options? when you get PM privileges feel free to message me, i sympathise with a lot of the things you've written.

offtopic, but you're eating 4-5k calories a day, and they still want to increase the amount?! plus, i don't see why they're pushing for you to be 70kg, when 60kg would be enough to put you in the normal range. no offense, but your doctor is a total idiot. those numbers are ludicrous, i can't imagine how shitty you must feel.

Thank you for the welcome, and for recounting your own experiences. I'm not quite sure I could start purging honestly, the idea sounds wholly unappealing to me. The way I compensated for energy intake was through excessive exercise. My family would certainly take notice if I started going out early in the morning for runs again. In terms of inducing cardiac arrest- before I knew about other methods such as SN, I was considering downing a teaspoon or two of pure caffeine power, as it's the equivalent to drinking ~30 cups of coffee, which is considered a lethal dose. I have since decided not to go with this method, as from what I've heard about those that have survived by getting medical intervention, it was excruciatingly painful.

I'm not actually sure if I would be seriously considered for something like chemical castration, especially with an ED. They may consider me "mentally deficient" or something, who knows. I know that being underweight has definitely affected my cognition, but I can still make decisions for myself.

Well, I haven't actually seen my doctor for a little while now, but I will need to see him again soon - and no doubt he will tell me to up my intake if my weight is plateauing (which it seems to be). I understand that this is just my anorexia talking, but I miss being thin. I miss being so light on my feet that people don't even hear my footsteps. I miss not having to deal with sexual issues. At the same time, I was also miserable during that phase in my life. This is why I feel so stuck, and partly why I want to CTB. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I wouldn't recommend this. If you work it will give you concentration problems.

Chances are I will not choose this method in the end, perhaps opting for hypothermia or SN instead. I am still considering my options. I am well aware of the fact that my cognition would suffer immensely with this method, perhaps I would becomes so delirious that I would stop hiding and start looking for help. Probably not reliable.

 

[Never Free]

welcome to SS... sorry you're here.

reading your post and the replies you gave to others, starvation doesn't sound like a viable method. you don't want to get hospitalised.

i also live with family so i can't fast for long periods of time, the longest i've managed was 14 days. i tried to give myself refeeding syndrome a few times but either i wasn't fasting for long enough beforehand or i didn't take in enough calories at once. i also tried purging as @1DayItWillBover mentioned but it just left a bad taste in my mouth. both literally and figuratively, haha. when i was at my lowest and my resting heart rate was ~40BPM i considered inducing cardiac failure with stims. i wasn't able to afford them at the time, but considering my shitty luck it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. i did take oral rehydration solutions when i was fasting for more than 5 days - the lack of electrolytes gave me crazy muscle cramps - which could be the reason for my lack of success. i'm just listing these to put into perspective how frustrating it is to try catching the bus with this method. hopefully you can either find a way to recover (both from your ED and suicidal ideation) or a more suitable method.

as for chemical castration... i don't know where you are, but i can't imagine a doctor would agree to do that to a healthy person. have you looked into any other options? when you get PM privileges feel free to message me, i sympathise with a lot of the things you've written.

offtopic, but you're eating 4-5k calories a day, and they still want to increase the amount?! plus, i don't see why they're pushing for you to be 70kg, when 60kg would be enough to put you in the normal range. no offense, but your doctor is a total idiot. those numbers are ludicrous, i can't imagine how shitty you must feel.

I'm trying this now. I feel so bad in every way. Physical, and emotionally. Such mental confusion, and pain. Feeling so ill. This is awful. Probably have permanent damage. It's gotten hard now to pinpoint what's my situation, and what's a result of messing with my chemical makeup. Not only, because they're intertwined. My thinking is also getting worse. Already decided I had to succeed in the end. I couldn't stand life before. I knew this could only worsen my quality of life. Just found something I relate a lot to on suicide addiction

 

[Oh so tired]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. I also struggle with anorexia, as well as depression and self-harming. The thought of 'starving to death' has crossed my mind too, I'm currently restricting to under 400cal/day, having lots of heart palpitations and half hoping to collapse with a cardiac arrest. I think to ctb by starving would be very difficult and not a peaceful way to go. Although anorexia does have a high mortality rate compared to other mental illnesses there are so many factors that affect your individual risk. There will always be someone wanting to intervene before it gets that far.
It must be so hard for you having to consume such a high calorie diet as part of your recovery, do you get much psychological support?
I'm here and always happy to talk if you want a listening ear x

 

[Timetodie90]

There is a lot of information about this method in the book Five Last Acts. Which you can read via the resource thread.

 

[mold]

as someone who struggles with eating disorders and severe depression, i can say youre not alone. though i can't give much insight and i normally just lurk on this website, just know we're all here for you

 

[Deathbydemo]

Anorexic or not, death by starvation is one of the most painful, uncomfortable and horrible deaths I've ever read about. I wouldn't recommend it at all. A quick google search will tell you everything you need to know about it and will hopefully make you think twice about using it as a method. It's not that SS promotes suicide in the least, but we are in favour of a peaceful exit and this is not it. Having said that, it's entirely your decision and I wish you peace with it.