Causing the lease disruption

[nicotine_poetry]

Hey guys
So I need to go. Things have been steadily getting worse the past few months and I just need to be done. My question is how do you suggest I go about this causing the least disruption possible?
I have two jobs and college, so should I drop out and quit my jobs first so there is less for my emergency contact to have to take care of? My emergency contact is my best friend. I don't really have any dependable family anymore.
I don't think they will miss me much but I know my best friend will. Any ideas on how I can make this easier for her? And for her family, who sort of took me in and tried to fill the holes for the past 4 years?
Lastly, methods. I need something clean but relatively painless. I could take all of my anxiety and depression meds at once? I have been saving up my leftover meds for the past few years and I think I have enough.
Thanks for all the help!

 

[notjustyetagain]

having saved up meds for years, you might have enough for successful suicide but i don't know how clean (vomiting etc.) or peaceful/painless it would be. i notice you've been a member for quite a while so you probably know all this, but...

generally ODing on psych meds isn't recommended; psychs aren't fond of giving depressed people a means to kill themselves. i've failed ODing on psych meds a couple of times -- it was extremely unpleasant and gave me permanent kidney damage. the vast majority of psych-med ODs are unsuccessful and, aside from being unpleasant, risk permanent damage. what exactly do you have?

my best friend died from taking 60 grams -- 200 × 300mg tablets -- of quetiapine (Seroquel). when i found her she looked incredibly peaceful and there was no vomit, urine, etc. but i'm not sure if it was painless. amitriptyline (Endep), a tricyclic antidepressant, is mentioned in the PPeH, but requires other meds + alcohol and no disturbance for ~24 hours for the best chance of working.

i've settled on sodium nitrite as my method -- it comes with compromises (potential vomiting, tachycardia, possibly unpleasant/painful, one's corpse being blue, and not being 100% reliable) but it's the most reliable and least traumatic method that i have access to. nembutal (PPeH, purchase megathread) is by all accounts ideal, but it's difficult to access and, depending on your finances, expensive.

i'm not sure how to make your death easier on your friend; i'm going to write my loved ones a note to let them know how much i appreciate and love them, and how grateful i am for how much they've improved my life, supported me, etc. i doubt it will diminish their pain but they deserve that at least. re dropping out and your jobs, i'm not sure what would be best for you. personally, i wouldn't bother dropping out but if i had a very reliable method and date in mind i'd hand in my notice of resignation from my jobs to give them time to find a replacement.

best wishes, hope you find some answers re a peaceful and minimally disruptive death.

 

[nicotine_poetry]

having saved up meds for years, you might have enough for successful suicide but i don't know how clean (vomiting etc.) or peaceful/painless it would be. i notice you've been a member for quite a while so you probably know all this, but...

generally ODing on psych meds isn't recommended; psychs aren't fond of giving depressed people a means to kill themselves. i've failed ODing on psych meds a couple of times -- it was extremely unpleasant and gave me permanent kidney damage. the vast majority of psych-med ODs are unsuccessful and, aside from being unpleasant, risk permanent damage. what exactly do you have?

my best friend died from taking 60 grams -- 200 × 300mg tablets -- of quetiapine (Seroquel). when i found her she looked incredibly peaceful and there was no vomit, urine, etc. but i'm not sure if it was painless. amitriptyline (Endep), a tricyclic antidepressant, is mentioned in the PPeH, but requires other meds + alcohol and no disturbance for ~24 hours for the best chance of working.

i've settled on sodium nitrite as my method -- it comes with compromises (potential vomiting, tachycardia, possibly unpleasant/painful, one's corpse being blue, and not being 100% reliable) but it's the most reliable and least traumatic method that i have access to. nembutal (PPeH, purchase megathread) is by all accounts ideal, but it's difficult to access and, depending on your finances, expensive.

i'm not sure how to make your death easier on your friend; i'm going to write my loved ones a note to let them know how much i appreciate and love them, and how grateful i am for how much they've improved my life, supported me, etc. i doubt it will diminish their pain but they deserve that at least. re dropping out and your jobs, i'm not sure what would be best for you. personally, i wouldn't bother dropping out but if i had a very reliable method and date in mind i'd hand in my notice of resignation from my jobs to give them time to find a replacement.

best wishes, hope you find some answers re a peaceful and minimally disruptive death.

Thanks this does help
I was worried about that.. I have 100 tabs of 90mg Bupropian and 70 tabs of Sumatriptan for migraines, not sure what the dosing is, and two other bottles of "leftover" meds but I don't remember off the top of my head what they are.
How do you get ahold of sodium nitrate? I honestly could make my family think I died of an asthma attack if it makes me turn blue, since I have struggled with asthma for a long time.
I am just worried about it not being reliable or making a mess that someone will need to clean up.

 

[notjustyetagain]

I was worried about that.. I have 100 tabs of 90mg Bupropian and 70 tabs of Sumatriptan for migraines, not sure what the dosing is, and two other bottles of "leftover" meds but I don't remember off the top of my head what they are.

okay, you have 9g of bupropion. the few fatal overdoses of bupropion i found were: 4.5g (35-year-old m), >12g (28-year-old f), and 23g (26-year-old m). i didn't bother checking more because all indications are that bupropion is a terrible way to die: multiple seizures are almost inevitable and vomiting is highly likely. it's the opposite of clean and painless.

i couldn't find a single fatal overdose of this sumatriptan in medical literature, although drugbank states that overdoses "can be fatal" and an 18-year-old woman died of an accidental overdose, although the quantity taken over X amount of time is unknown. again, overdose comes with convulsions/seizures/paralysis/salivation/teariness; not painless, not entirely clean.

as to your other leftover meds, don't bother... unless one happens to be nembutal. go with something tried and tested. random-drug overdoses are a bad idea. they can be unpleasant and leave you with permanent damage that may make a proper attempt difficult or even impossible. check the resources thread for ideas.

How do you get ahold of sodium nitrate? I honestly could make my family think I died of an asthma attack if it makes me turn blue, since I have struggled with asthma for a long time.

you can order sodium nitrite (not nitrate) from "a certain worldwide auction site beginning with E" in many countries around the world. if you search this auction site for sodium nitrite you'll hopefully find some sellers; if not locally, then overseas. otherwise you can simply google "buy sodium nitrite" and see what pops up. i'd PM you a direct link to sellers but you haven't posted enough messages to send/receive private messages. don't mistake sodium nitrite for "curing salts" or "prague powder" -- those are products that contain only 6–12% sodium nitrite and aren't suitable for suicide.

re disguising your blueness as an asthma attack, if an autopsy is done they will take a sample of your blood which will have turned to a chocolate-brown colour -- asthma doesn't do that, and they'll know it was sodium nitrite with near certainty. even if an autopsy isn't warranted, i'm not sure how the cyanosis of SN ingestion compares with the cyanosis of asthma attacks. if the blueness of SN ingestion is much more pronounced than that of an asthma attack, they'll probably do an autopsy anyway.

for more information on the SN method, please check the definitive thread on the topic -- it contains everything you'll need to know.