Daydream Believer
Member
- May 3, 2024
- 37
DEATH IS A DREAM
Yep, I have SN.
I Just scribbled my thoughts this morning. Life if mad and very painful at the moment xx
*****
My disoriented thoughts meander to the magical elixir, hidden away yet forever dancing in the corners of my mind's eye. Out of sight but never out of mind. The appeal of catching the magic bus to eternal bliss is always at the front of my deranged head. Just one drink and ten minutes later, the never-ending nightmare is over. Welcome to paradise. Yes, death is a dream, and I suppose life is a dream too.
Ah, I can sense your curiosity and worry about this peaceful, life-ending potion I have close at hand. It is a strange twist of fate as to how this life-saving, death-giving treasure came into my possession. Since the 28th of January, my life has been unbearable. I have been suffering from an overdose of life. The only cure for this terrible affliction would be an overdose of death!
About four months back a close friend confided that he was ready to end his life. He had broken his spirit and lost the will to live. Each day, I found myself beside him, weaving whispers of hope to coax him into another sunrise. I sprinkled hope into his heart, promising that brighter days are just around the corner. This was so bizarre because more than anything, I wanted to commit self-murder. Each tick of the clock felt like a heavy stone dragging me deeper into a pit of despair, where joy seemed but a distant memory.
For weeks on end, I masqueraded as a happy, optimistic, shiny happy bloke, filling him with high hopes that his life would change for the better. Yet deep inside, I despised every single second of every day. Fortune smiled upon my friend as the dark clouds of hopelessness began to lift and thoughts of topping himself faded away.
Why the fuck can't I sort myself out? Absolutely nothing motivates me to continue as a broken member of the living dead. Death is the final solution.
Supporting the depressed man who wanted to kill himself takes me back to my own battle with the bastard big C. Once word spread that I was winning the war against terminal cancer, I was contacted by poor souls who were either fighting cancer themselves or were supporting a loved one suffering from this dreadful disease. I stood by each person, embracing them with love and hope.
With a sparkle in my eye, I look back in admiration at the magnificent hero transforming the impossible into a mind-blowing reality while offering a helping hand to all who reached out. However, I gaze in utter disgust at this broken mess of a man teetering on the edge of despair. Yet, even during these dark days, he still offers kind support to all the poor souls who asked for help.
From its secret hidey hole, the magic potion yelled out, "Oi, mate! Here I am, your golden ticket to board the magic bus to paradise!"
I shot back, "Fuck off, there is no way I am taking that celestial ride coz my son and my dog have nobody else but me.".
Yet, in the world of possibilities, I imagined how, if I had no ties, I would be nestled in the front passenger seat, next to the driver, with adrenaline racing through my veins as I embarked on my final adventure.
I remember dabbling with that deadly femme fatale called heroin on a handful of occasions in my madcap life. I never got hooked, just a few days here and there. I recall that it was impossible to ignore a wrap of smack that softly purred, "Darling, I'm in the drawer;
come and get me."
Of course, I obeyed and chased that pleasure-giving dragon until she was finished, and so was I. Hahaha.
However, drinking the magic potion was a different kettle of poisoned fish. A once-in-a-lifetime experience. The love I had for my son and dog gave me the death-defying strength I needed to resist.
To cut a long story short, my once suicidal friend perked up and flew to a neighbouring country to write a new chapter in his storybook of life. In a bizarre turn of events, after I helped him overcome his dark thoughts, he handed me the magic potion, adding a bittersweet gulp of irony to this tale's joyful conclusion.
****
Yep, I have SN.
I Just scribbled my thoughts this morning. Life if mad and very painful at the moment xx
*****
My disoriented thoughts meander to the magical elixir, hidden away yet forever dancing in the corners of my mind's eye. Out of sight but never out of mind. The appeal of catching the magic bus to eternal bliss is always at the front of my deranged head. Just one drink and ten minutes later, the never-ending nightmare is over. Welcome to paradise. Yes, death is a dream, and I suppose life is a dream too.
Ah, I can sense your curiosity and worry about this peaceful, life-ending potion I have close at hand. It is a strange twist of fate as to how this life-saving, death-giving treasure came into my possession. Since the 28th of January, my life has been unbearable. I have been suffering from an overdose of life. The only cure for this terrible affliction would be an overdose of death!
About four months back a close friend confided that he was ready to end his life. He had broken his spirit and lost the will to live. Each day, I found myself beside him, weaving whispers of hope to coax him into another sunrise. I sprinkled hope into his heart, promising that brighter days are just around the corner. This was so bizarre because more than anything, I wanted to commit self-murder. Each tick of the clock felt like a heavy stone dragging me deeper into a pit of despair, where joy seemed but a distant memory.
For weeks on end, I masqueraded as a happy, optimistic, shiny happy bloke, filling him with high hopes that his life would change for the better. Yet deep inside, I despised every single second of every day. Fortune smiled upon my friend as the dark clouds of hopelessness began to lift and thoughts of topping himself faded away.
Why the fuck can't I sort myself out? Absolutely nothing motivates me to continue as a broken member of the living dead. Death is the final solution.
Supporting the depressed man who wanted to kill himself takes me back to my own battle with the bastard big C. Once word spread that I was winning the war against terminal cancer, I was contacted by poor souls who were either fighting cancer themselves or were supporting a loved one suffering from this dreadful disease. I stood by each person, embracing them with love and hope.
With a sparkle in my eye, I look back in admiration at the magnificent hero transforming the impossible into a mind-blowing reality while offering a helping hand to all who reached out. However, I gaze in utter disgust at this broken mess of a man teetering on the edge of despair. Yet, even during these dark days, he still offers kind support to all the poor souls who asked for help.
From its secret hidey hole, the magic potion yelled out, "Oi, mate! Here I am, your golden ticket to board the magic bus to paradise!"
I shot back, "Fuck off, there is no way I am taking that celestial ride coz my son and my dog have nobody else but me.".
Yet, in the world of possibilities, I imagined how, if I had no ties, I would be nestled in the front passenger seat, next to the driver, with adrenaline racing through my veins as I embarked on my final adventure.
I remember dabbling with that deadly femme fatale called heroin on a handful of occasions in my madcap life. I never got hooked, just a few days here and there. I recall that it was impossible to ignore a wrap of smack that softly purred, "Darling, I'm in the drawer;
come and get me."
Of course, I obeyed and chased that pleasure-giving dragon until she was finished, and so was I. Hahaha.
However, drinking the magic potion was a different kettle of poisoned fish. A once-in-a-lifetime experience. The love I had for my son and dog gave me the death-defying strength I needed to resist.
To cut a long story short, my once suicidal friend perked up and flew to a neighbouring country to write a new chapter in his storybook of life. In a bizarre turn of events, after I helped him overcome his dark thoughts, he handed me the magic potion, adding a bittersweet gulp of irony to this tale's joyful conclusion.
****
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