Help Caring about how your parents feel about your suicide - How to stop it?

[TheGoodGuy]

Not wanting to ruin our parents lives with our suicide is a thing many of us struggle with and obviously not something that can be fixed easily but does anyone have an idea how to get rid of this feeling because we obviously can´t just go on living existing for other people.

I saw this comment from yesterday made by @Nem "I was concerned about it for a long time, found out it's a waste of time being concerned about how others think/react. They aren't the ones living through this hell" . I completely agree with this statement because our parents arent going through the hell we are so there isn´t anything wrong with comitting suicide to end it but still I can´t get the thought out of my head how it will destroy them I think about it many times throughout the day and I can´t rationalize removing the sufering I feel from "life" by comitting suicide when it will put them into a state of constant suffering in exchange for my peace.

So if anyone know how to ignore this feeling please comment.

 

[BeenDoneForSoLong]

It's impossible to just force yourself to ignore it; you can't just suddenly believe in santa clause again or believe if you die everyone's going to be happy about it.

Just try and think about it rationally I guess, that's what it will come down to. At the end of the day when my pain outweighs that of what I'm going to deal to those around me, that's when I'm gone, because logically, there's a net positive there isn't there?

Just think about in a rational way that makes you able to move past the barrier I suppose. But no you can't force yourself to forget something you allready know. They will hurt, I'm sorry, and im sorry you're hurting even more.

 

[Darkhaven]

I don't think that can be prevented.
Telling them your plans may reduce the surprise/shock effect upon discovery but it will also reduce the chances of being sucessful as they might try to intervene.
So i don't think there's something to do there.
It will be a serious blow to them no matter what we do.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I think it is like most things. Need to re-frame the idea in general. Instead of trying to make them less devastated by your suicide (You can not control other peoples reactions) you need to learn to value your own feeling over theirs. You will be gone, and not in pain. A friend of mine pointed something out to me that helped. You can scream and cry for help as much as you want, and be ignored But as soon as you are dead everyone will wish they had done more. personally that makes me feel nothing for the ones i will leave behind. Try and be mad about that. Nobody wants to help until its too late.

For me its easy, both of my Biological parents are horrible horrible people. I wonder more about how to make them feel like shit in the note than making them sad with the act.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

It's impossible to just force yourself to ignore it; you can't just suddenly believe in santa clause again or believe if you die everyone's going to be happy about it.

Just try and think about it rationally I guess, that's what it will come down to. At the end of the day when my pain outweighs that of what I'm going to deal to those around me, that's when I'm gone, because logically, there's a net positive there isn't there?

Just think about in a rational way that makes you able to move past the barrier I suppose. But no you can't force yourself to forget something you allready know. They will hurt, I'm sorry, and im sorry you're hurting even more.

It´s so frustrating! I sometimes even envy other members with shitty parents or bad childhoods because at least they don´t have that hard barrier against them, don´t get me wrong I love my childhood and parents but that is the problem, had I been neglected my entire life I wouldn´t feel bad for them but they show me so much love and support even now at 25 where I just got diagnosed with aspergers a few days ago and they have been driving me back and forth to appointments and giving me money for food because I am so poor it makes ctb so extremely hard because even as a 25 year old adult they still do everything they can to support me.

 

[Grumble]

You and I both joined here in August 2018.
You and I both have the same reservations.

This is of no use, but I thought it interesting? just because it seems there are very few people here who joined so long ago who are still.... alive?, and for those who are still here, I wonder if this is the most common reason (or if not for their parents, then for other loved ones).

 

[BeenDoneForSoLong]

I sometimes even envy other members with shitty parents or bad childhoods

It's fucked up. But sometimes I feel the exact same way... It really does suck shit, and it sucks shit that there's no easy answer.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I think it is like most things. Need to re-frame the idea in general. Instead of trying to make them less devastated by your suicide (You can not control other peoples reactions) you need to learn to value your own feeling over theirs. You will be gone, and not in pain. A friend of mine pointed something out to me that helped. You can scream and cry for help as much as you want, and be ignored But as soon as you are dead everyone will wish they had done more. personally that makes me feel nothing for the ones i will leave behind. Try and be mad about that. Nobody wants to help until its too late.

For me its easy, both of my Biological parents are horrible horrible people. I wonder more about how to make them feel like shit in the note than making them sad with the act.

But that doesn´t help me because my parents don´t know I am suicidal so if I told them they would do anything in their power to help me, even know with my psychiatrist appointments regarding just getting diagnosed with aspergers they do everything they can, they don´t have a lot of money so it is expensive for them to drive me back and forth all the time plus giving me money for food since I am on welfare so I don´t have money for food for a whole months so if I told them about being suicidal they would obviously do everything they could to try and help me.

 

[BeenDoneForSoLong]

You and I both joined here in August 2018.
You and I both have the same reservations.

This is of no use, but I thought it interesting? just because it seems there are very few people here who joined so long ago who are still.... alive?, and for those who are still here, I wonder if this is the most common reason (or if not for their parents, then for other loved ones).

Probably. Been lurking since September last year. Pretty much the same reasons.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

You and I both joined here in August 2018.
You and I both have the same reservations.

This is of no use, but I thought it interesting? just because it seems there are very few people here who joined so long ago who are still.... alive?, and for those who are still here, I wonder if this is the most common reason (or if not for their parents, then for other loved ones).

When I joined over a year ago I planned to kill myself on the 28th August 2018 I had planned it for 3 years so I was certain I would do it and even arrogant about it also thinking why so many members had been a member for so long on a suicide forum now I obviously get it.

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't know how I stopped it, I just stopped it. I've practically cut off communication anyway: Rarely talk, rarely share much even if I do talk.

 

[trynacbt]

I don't have any answers, unfortunately. I've seen what my mother's ctb has done to my family, especially my dad. I know that my ctb will shatter him. The only thing that brings me some relief is that my sibling will still be around. And that my dad doesn't have that much longer to live--a lot less than I would have to if I stayed.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

Sadly I don't think that's something that will completely go away. Like it was said earlier, until you get to a point where your pain is greater and resolve for living to not cause pain is outweighed then that will continuously be something that gives you pause.
This is one of the most important and deeply personal decisions you will ever make. All of the pieces involving other people will never line all the way up, I don't think they are ever suppose to.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Sadly I don't think that's something that will completely go away. Like it was said earlier, until you get to a point where your pain is greater and resolve for living to not cause pain is outweighed then that will continuously be something that gives you pause.
This is one of the most important and deeply personal decisions you will ever make. All of the pieces involving other people will never line all the way up, I don't think they are ever suppose to.

The problem is as a 25 year old adult I have been apathetic for 5 years now so there is no strong drive to kill myself no matter how I rationalize it and trust me I suffer from many physical and mental problems.
My biggest regret is to not have killed myself at the age of 18-19 back then I moved out for the first time with the sole intend to kill myself I still had depression back then and my racing teenage hormones was a huge drive when fantasizing and planning suicide I didn´t give my parents a single thought because the emotions of sadness was so strong, it even felt good to think about suicide like how people would miss me and stuff like that I so regret I didn´t kill myself back then. Now as an adult with apathy that can´t feel any emotions and don´t have my racing teenage hormones there just isn´t a drive to take the leap.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

The problem is as a 25 year old adult I have been apathetic for 5 years now so there is no strong drive to kill myself no matter how I rationalize it and trust me I suffer from many physical and mental problems.
My biggest regret is to not have killed myself at the age of 18-19 back then I moved out for the first time with the sole intend to kill myself I still had depression back then and my racing teenage hormones was a huge drive when fantasizing and planning suicide I didn´t give my parents a single thought because the emotions of sadness was so strong, it even felt good to think about suicide like how people would miss me and stuff like that I so regret I didn´t kill myself back then. Now as an adult with apathy that can´t feel any emotions and don´t have my racing teenage hormones there just isn´t a drive to take the leap.

I understand. And as much as you may not want to hear this. You may not be ready right now to take that leap and that is ok. Only you will be able to decide if and when that is something you will or won't go through with. I understand the frustration of being apathetic. I don't know your background or if you have considered treatment and or went through treatment before. It may be worth looking into if not for trying to see if you can get better and give life another chance, at the very least so you can sift through the apathy to get to a point where you can make a decision for yourself. Death isn't going anywhere.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I understand. And as much as you may not want to hear this. You may not be ready right now to take that leap and that is ok. Only you will be able to decide if and when that is something you will or won't go through with. I understand the frustration of being apathetic. I don't know your background or if you have considered treatment and or went through treatment before. It may be worth looking into if not for trying to see if you can get better and give life another chance, at the very least so you can sift through the apathy to get to a point where you can make a decision for yourself. Death isn't going anywhere.

I feel apathy is something you can´t come back from it´s the absence of feelings it´s about getting feelings back I don´t feel happiness, sadness not even excitement I can´t imagine how anyone would be able to come back from that especially not after 5 years of it, it seems like the final stage.

And I can´t try treatments (meds) because I can´t swallow pills and I wouldn´t do it even if I could because then I will get punished in other ways in "life".

 

[hatelife]

I am on antidepressants they made me not care anymore