Hey folks!
So, I decided just about 2 weeks ago that I will off myself before I turn 25 (missing out on the 27 club by 2 years but I couldn't wait). I could go into details of what made me come to this decision, but I am pretty certain we all understand why we are where we are.
So, I wanted to go out peacefully and go for something as practical as it can get. Jumping off a building was my first preference but I realised that I don't live in a building high enough to guarantee a kill. And if I'm not dead, I will be in more insufferable pain for the rest of my 'suicide watch' life. I have cut twice before but missed the vein both times. Plus, even if you don't hit the vein, it is a painful experience and it never truly works. I've over dosed on amitryptylene and ativan and other sorts of anti-depressants a couple of times. It does make you very loopy before you pass out and thats the part when you can screw up. Plus, it would take me 6 months worth of prescription to actually have a chance at succeeding and hence, my doctors don't give me more than a month's prescription at a time and all my stocked up medication is now in a locker I have no access too. (However, passing out was the most peaceful moment of my life, especially when I assumed I wouldn't wake up....but I always did eventually). So I decided to do further research and find a fool-proof solution. CO poisoning is all the rage but neither do I own a car nor do I live alone anymore. However, I have decided to get a little crafty.
Formic acid and sulphuric acid have become one of the most common CO poisoning methods, but I cannot seem to find either of those. Even if I do find suphuric acid, formic acid is impossible to come by in India. And finding a 1000 ants to squeeze seems like the most tedious of tasks. So that method is out of the question for me. Another method I considered was Zinc powder with Calcium Carbonate. It seemed simple, until I realised that the reaction would take place only if I reach Zinc's melting point. It is impossible to attain that temperature in a bedroom without a heater (India is hot!). I considered using a portable electric oven to heat the mixture up but that seems like a stretch. Plus, it is very likely that I might reach the flash point for CO and end up blowing everything up (thus endangering everyone around). I am settling for charcoal, but, I'll be trying to create carbon monoxide well before my room runs out of oxygen.
First, I plan on making the room airtight by using sealants, duct tapes and an extra layer of paper to make sure the least amount of air leaks into the room. Second. I will light 25 very large candles right after the insulation so that I can get a head start on oxygen depletion. The next part is a little tricky and I am yet to figure out a small detail. I will use tongs and blow torches to burn the charcoal briquettes (the smokeless kind used for hookah and sheeshas). I will place these burning briquettes on a bowl shaped sieve used to wash fruits and vegetables. I will place this sieve with the coal briquettes (I am aiming to start with 40) on a tub that will have a block of dry ice in it (handle with leather gloves). Dry ice is not as difficult to expire and I'm hoping that I am able to get it in time. I will cover the entire set up with a large flower pot or a bowl. I want t create a very poorly ventilated heat chamber. The dry ice, which will sublime at room temperature will create a Carbon di-oxide rich atmosphere around the coal briquettes and hence increase the chances of carbon monoxide production. As the coal burns, the temperature of the chamber will heat up further accelerating the rate of sublimation of the dry ice. I will leave this set up by itself overnight and possibly the first half of the following day. With the extended period of time, a sufficient amount of coal and dry ice, I should be able to get a decent concentration of CO in my room. If I don't feel the symptoms the next day, I will know that the design is worthless and simply wait for my back up solution.
My back up solution is Sodium Nitrite. It is easily available on Amazon but the delivery time is quite long. I will received it about 2 weeks after the CO trial and we all know how effective SN is. I am not sure how to take it though and this is where I need a little bit of help. I am assuming that I am to mix it in water and drink it. What does it taste like? Does it burn your throat or your stomach? And how much of Sodium Nitrite would I need? I know anything above 95% is good, but what is a good mix ratio?
I kind of wish I didn't have to go through the CO phase, but SN will take too long to arrive and I honestly do want to give it a shot. If my CO setup works, you'll know because I won't be able to follow up immediate. If it doesn't, I will make sure I mention of it and let everyone know.
Thanks.
So, I decided just about 2 weeks ago that I will off myself before I turn 25 (missing out on the 27 club by 2 years but I couldn't wait). I could go into details of what made me come to this decision, but I am pretty certain we all understand why we are where we are.
So, I wanted to go out peacefully and go for something as practical as it can get. Jumping off a building was my first preference but I realised that I don't live in a building high enough to guarantee a kill. And if I'm not dead, I will be in more insufferable pain for the rest of my 'suicide watch' life. I have cut twice before but missed the vein both times. Plus, even if you don't hit the vein, it is a painful experience and it never truly works. I've over dosed on amitryptylene and ativan and other sorts of anti-depressants a couple of times. It does make you very loopy before you pass out and thats the part when you can screw up. Plus, it would take me 6 months worth of prescription to actually have a chance at succeeding and hence, my doctors don't give me more than a month's prescription at a time and all my stocked up medication is now in a locker I have no access too. (However, passing out was the most peaceful moment of my life, especially when I assumed I wouldn't wake up....but I always did eventually). So I decided to do further research and find a fool-proof solution. CO poisoning is all the rage but neither do I own a car nor do I live alone anymore. However, I have decided to get a little crafty.
Formic acid and sulphuric acid have become one of the most common CO poisoning methods, but I cannot seem to find either of those. Even if I do find suphuric acid, formic acid is impossible to come by in India. And finding a 1000 ants to squeeze seems like the most tedious of tasks. So that method is out of the question for me. Another method I considered was Zinc powder with Calcium Carbonate. It seemed simple, until I realised that the reaction would take place only if I reach Zinc's melting point. It is impossible to attain that temperature in a bedroom without a heater (India is hot!). I considered using a portable electric oven to heat the mixture up but that seems like a stretch. Plus, it is very likely that I might reach the flash point for CO and end up blowing everything up (thus endangering everyone around). I am settling for charcoal, but, I'll be trying to create carbon monoxide well before my room runs out of oxygen.
First, I plan on making the room airtight by using sealants, duct tapes and an extra layer of paper to make sure the least amount of air leaks into the room. Second. I will light 25 very large candles right after the insulation so that I can get a head start on oxygen depletion. The next part is a little tricky and I am yet to figure out a small detail. I will use tongs and blow torches to burn the charcoal briquettes (the smokeless kind used for hookah and sheeshas). I will place these burning briquettes on a bowl shaped sieve used to wash fruits and vegetables. I will place this sieve with the coal briquettes (I am aiming to start with 40) on a tub that will have a block of dry ice in it (handle with leather gloves). Dry ice is not as difficult to expire and I'm hoping that I am able to get it in time. I will cover the entire set up with a large flower pot or a bowl. I want t create a very poorly ventilated heat chamber. The dry ice, which will sublime at room temperature will create a Carbon di-oxide rich atmosphere around the coal briquettes and hence increase the chances of carbon monoxide production. As the coal burns, the temperature of the chamber will heat up further accelerating the rate of sublimation of the dry ice. I will leave this set up by itself overnight and possibly the first half of the following day. With the extended period of time, a sufficient amount of coal and dry ice, I should be able to get a decent concentration of CO in my room. If I don't feel the symptoms the next day, I will know that the design is worthless and simply wait for my back up solution.
My back up solution is Sodium Nitrite. It is easily available on Amazon but the delivery time is quite long. I will received it about 2 weeks after the CO trial and we all know how effective SN is. I am not sure how to take it though and this is where I need a little bit of help. I am assuming that I am to mix it in water and drink it. What does it taste like? Does it burn your throat or your stomach? And how much of Sodium Nitrite would I need? I know anything above 95% is good, but what is a good mix ratio?
I kind of wish I didn't have to go through the CO phase, but SN will take too long to arrive and I honestly do want to give it a shot. If my CO setup works, you'll know because I won't be able to follow up immediate. If it doesn't, I will make sure I mention of it and let everyone know.
Thanks.
