Venting Can’t sleep

[CuriousAboutThis]

Even though I more or less don't want to CTB but deep down I kind of do but I don't want to end up failing like my suicide attempt but now I just want someone to just kill me even though I said that I don't want to for the sake of my family but I think I truly want to in a way but constantly struggle within my own mind about why I want to live and why I want to die I wish I knew what my purpose in this world is but honestly with me being a live in this world with the species of humanity I don't think me being alive is truly valuable beyond any doubt except for within family and friends but I will keep coming back here since it seems like this site with the members here I just want to chill and maybe find someone who lives within the area and wants to shoot me in the back of the skull with a shotgun which is my preferred method since I won't have to suffering humanity and from myself.