Venting Can't really understand why no one appreciates who I am

[BabyYoda]

I feel that no one will really appreciate who I really am as a person. This is why I asked the friend I love the most if I need to change myself for him. I asked multiple times, and he said no. Since I'm already very comfortable with him I tend to act like myself when talking to him. There were times where he finds me annoying and doesn't tell me, and according to him he can endure it. I don't understand. If he finds me annoying then why doesn't he want me to change. I already am giving him the opportunity to make me the person he wants me to be and he still refuses.

He's the only person who I can talk to whenever I have problems. Really good listener and patient. I cannot feel the same way towards other people. Like for example, if you've read one of my threads about reaching out for help you can see that I'm afraid to get help from anyone else in real life because the last thing I want is people threatening me if I'm not improving. Others blatantly throw blind optimism at me. I mean my friends are really helpful but for some reason I can't connect to them the same way I can to this person. Wish I could. It's like I'm hiding a huge chunk of me from them.

That being said I cannot imagine anyone accepting me as a person. But I don't understand why they wouldn't want me to change myself for them. I can do it, seriously, if that means preventing my CTB. A lack of a best friend or lover would be a sign for me to go.

I am willing to pay anyone to be my best friend or lover, just as long as I have the money. When worse comes to worst. There will come a time where we will have to turn relationships into a business.

There must be something wrong with me. I can't seem to appreciate my other friends enough to fill the emptiness. Well, I am grateful for them, but I still want something else.

Ugh this quarantine is making me feel lonely.

Still have less than four years to make my decision.

 

[the box is empty]

Others blatantly throw blind optimism at me.

Oh this is the worse. My family even goes so far as to say to turn to religion for guidance.

That being said I cannot imagine anyone accepting me as a person. But I don't understand why they wouldn't want me to change myself for them. I can do it, seriously, if that means preventing my CTB. A lack of a best friend or lover would be a sign for me to go.

Even though we often subconsciously want people to change to conform to our head version of them, actually asking them to change can feel very burdening. I do understand the loneliness and isolation but I feel that staying around specifically for someone else feels like I'm holding them hostage.

Still have less than four years to make my decision.

If I may ask, what's the timer for?

 

[BabyYoda]

If I may ask, what's the timer for?

Meaning that I have until graduation to decide to CTB or not

 

[faust]

I am sorry there is such a thing in your life...
But have you ever thought that the only person you can change for is only you?
I mean if you manage to do some possible changes in your character, traits, behavior, it would be a better present for you, not anybody else?
It is not a way out to change for somebody. People come and people go.
It is your life and only you can decide what to do with it, without doing favors to anybody.

 

[BabyYoda]

I am sorry there is such a thing in your life...
But have you ever thought that the only person you can change for is only you?
I mean if you manage to do some possible changes in your character, traits, behavior, it would be a better present for you, not anybody else?
It is not a way out to change for somebody. People come and people go.
It is your life and only you can decide what to do with it, without doing favors to anybody.

But I will be lonely
Like legit it feels like I have no friends in real life

 

[BadRNG]

I feel that no one will really appreciate who I really am as a person. This is why I asked the friend I love the most if I need to change myself for him. I asked multiple times, and he said no. Since I'm already very comfortable with him I tend to act like myself when talking to him. There were times where he finds me annoying and doesn't tell me, and according to him he can endure it. I don't understand. If he finds me annoying then why doesn't he want me to change. I already am giving him the opportunity to make me the person he wants me to be and he still refuses.

He's the only person who I can talk to whenever I have problems. Really good listener and patient. I cannot feel the same way towards other people. Like for example, if you've read one of my threads about reaching out for help you can see that I'm afraid to get help from anyone else in real life because the last thing I want is people threatening me if I'm not improving. Others blatantly throw blind optimism at me. I mean my friends are really helpful but for some reason I can't connect to them the same way I can to this person. Wish I could. It's like I'm hiding a huge chunk of me from them.

That being said I cannot imagine anyone accepting me as a person. But I don't understand why they wouldn't want me to change myself for them. I can do it, seriously, if that means preventing my CTB. A lack of a best friend or lover would be a sign for me to go.

I am willing to pay anyone to be my best friend or lover, just as long as I have the money. When worse comes to worst. There will come a time where we will have to turn relationships into a business.

There must be something wrong with me. I can't seem to appreciate my other friends enough to fill the emptiness. Well, I am grateful for them, but I still want something else.

Ugh this quarantine is making me feel lonely.

Still have less than four years to make my decision.

I think you can easily fix that.. just join a club. Sport Clubs are great since you have a lot of options, football basketball swimming gym skating etc.
Just google how to make friends and you will find a lot of helpful tips.

 

[BabyYoda]

I think you can easily fix that.. just join a club. Sport Clubs are great since you have a lot of options, football basketball swimming gym skating etc.
Just google how to make friends and you will find a lot of helpful tips.

Have joined more than 5 organizations in my university. New classmates since the start of the second semester. Still no one. Can't understand why.

 

[BadRNG]

Have joined more than 5 organizations in my university. New classmates since the start of the second semester. Still no one. Can't understand why.

How? Are you normally quiet?

 

[BabyYoda]

How? Are you normally quiet?

Usually, but I try to socialize as much as I can. It's just that there seems to be very little people that I can truly connect with. The problem is not personal hobbies. Maybe I am doing something wrong, I dunno

 

[faust]

But I will be lonely
Like legit it feels like I have no friends in real life

Loneliness is better than bad people around you.
Even if you decide to change yourself to the core, you may realize that people around you are no more interesting for you.
Your interests might be different, your view on this world might be different.
You may meet many people on your path but only a few you will be able to call friends.
You can change yourself to be attractive to others but there will always be people who likes you and who does not.
So changing yourself for somebody does not mean they will like you, new.

 

[BabyYoda]

but only a few you will be able to call friends.

This is what I'm looking for. It's legitimately hard for me to find people to really connect with even if they have similar interests. I have several classes where I have no one to consider as a close friend, especially PE. There was this one person that I thought was going to be someone I can be open to but he threatened to leave me if I didn't improve. I don't think he really understood my situation because he had a best friend himself. While I'm still friends with this person I have to be careful with the way I act to prevent further conflict.

 

[BadRNG]

Usually, but I try to socialize as much as I can. It's just that there seems to be very little people that I can truly connect with. The problem is not personal hobbies. Maybe I am doing something wrong, I dunno

Maybe there is something in your character that you need to change, we all need to change something

This is what I'm looking for. It's legitimately hard for me to find people to really connect with even if they have similar interests. I have several classes where I have no one to consider as a close friend, especially PE. There was this one person that I thought was going to be someone I can be open to but he threatened to leave me if I didn't improve. I don't think he really understood my situation because he had a best friend himself. While I'm still friends with this person I have to be careful with the way I act to prevent further conflict.

I think you open up very quick , don't open up uptil you are REALLY close , or don't open up at all. My closest group of friends don't know anything about my problem at all. They don't know that I want to suicide. Sometimes you can have a strong relation with others without sharing everything, I think you shouldn't talk down on yourself, because if they are threatening to leave you if you don't improve I assume you bring a lot of negative energy?

 

[BabyYoda]

I think you open up very quick , don't open up uptil you are REALLY close , or don't open up at all. My closest group of friends don't know anything about my problem at all. They don't know that I want to suicide. Sometimes you can have a strong relation with others without sharing everything, I think you shouldn't talk down on yourself, because if they are threatening to leave you if you don't improve I assume you bring a lot of negative energy?

This person was an aspiring therapist, so he really wanted to help others. I guess I shouldn't have trusted him too much.

 

[faust]

There was this one person that I thought was going to be someone I can be open to but he threatened to leave me if I didn't improve. I don't think he really understood my situation because he had a best friend himself. While I'm still friends with this person I have to be careful with the way I act to prevent further conflict.

That's horrible that you cannot be open to your friend. And threatening to leave is something odd. He cannot tell you who you can be and who you can't.

 

[BadRNG]

This person was an aspiring therapist, so he really wanted to help others. I guess I shouldn't have trusted him too much.

You don't have anything terminal, just being lonely, it sucks , we all feel lonely at some point. I dont think you should ctb over that, you can fix it.

That's horrible that you cannot be open to your friend. And threatening to leave is something odd. He cannot tell you who you can be and who you can't.

Me and my close friends always give each other constructive criticism, it's better to hear it from friends than from strangers, we all have flaws and we should work towards fixing them as long as we can. Depends on his situation we don't know what happened or what he told him.

 

[faust]

@BadRNG This case is different. Your friend does not say he will leave you if you do not improve. It is normal to criticize friends knowing that your flaws won't ruin the friendship.

 

[BadRNG]

@BadRNG This case is different. Your friend does not say he will leave you if you do not improve. It is normal to criticize friends knowing that your flaws won't ruin the friendship.

Well my best friend since childhood started being shady and started lying a lot (so he can avoid me) and he didn't even try to hide it, actually when he apologized I said it's ok don't lie again. But he kept doing it over and over so I said if you don't change we can't hang out anymore ( the rare occasions where everyone else is busy so he has to hang around with me and the other guys). He didn't change so we aren't best friends anymore but we still talk and play video games.

 

[Forever Wandering]

Still have less than four years to make my decision.

What do you mean by that?

 

[noaccount]

It's not your fault that person gave you that schtick about "improving."

If I were you I might

walk to the nearest rural highway, hold out my thumb, wait for a free reminded that the world is far stranger than I could have made up,

be patient, remember that hundreds of people thinking you're crazy makes no difference and you only need one person to eventually decide you make enough sense to help bring you along towards wherever you're going,

meet characters who will consider you their brief counselor/confessor in exchange for a ride (it happens a lot), write the hitchhiker's guide to casual misogyny (this one only works if drivers read you as female), meet more characters, get more perspectives from people on the fringes of society, stop considering people more legitimate sources of guidance based on their arbitrary social rank,

sew my own overalls, brew my own wine, maybe cut my wrists anyway to deal with the trauma, maybe teach myself russian to distract myself, meet more characters, brew more basement hooch, idk, your mileage may vary

 

[BabyYoda]

What do you mean by that?

Meaning I have until graduation to decide to CTB or not

 

[Otter]

Do not change yourself for another person. Be your own person and you will attract like-minded. You are setting yourself up to be a doormat and will end up a co-dependant mess.

 

[jgm63]

Maybe you're just very rare and special, and need someone equally rare and special for you to be able to feel a true connection with.
Don't be fooled by the illusion of "popular" people, etc. In the future those people might not end up as well off as you might think.
Be true to yourself, and that will take you places. Don't try to make things happen. Just let things happen naturally.
If that means it takes several years to find the right person to connect with then so be it.
The song "The greatest love of all" has wise lyrics. The George Benson version is best....

 

[meerpasta]

I feel like this is partly a symptom of overpopulation and the crowded towns and cities that we live in combined with the fact that we're able to socialise with more people at a far greater distance thanks to modern connectivity. People have become accustomed to having many many contacts, which means they don't need to put in much effort in their relations with each other since they can just drop someone they don't like and still have many others to spend time with. Over time people end up just shedding more and more relationships in favor of those that work with low amounts of effort, then people lose the ability argue properly, to be diplomatic, to learn to compromise and all the other important things that helps us grow with each other, so those deemed losers from the start will remain at the bottom while those who were lucky to have some innate social skills end up gathering together and having a proper chance at developing their social life going into the future.

It's not your fault at all, you're just unlucky like a lot of people are. Unfortunately things will probably stay this way even after this epidemic is over, most people are in favor of breeding into overpopulation no matter what it seems.

 

[Forever Wandering]

Meaning I have until graduation to decide to CTB or not

Hum assuming your in college, what are you majoring in?

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I think you are asking too much from a friend. Close friendships take time to develop. Spending a few hours each week in a group activity is not the same as the long talks, time investment and just plain time spent together that makes a close friendship.

Another thing to consider is that friends move in and out of your life. I am no longer friends with many of the people I attended school with. Life took us down different paths and we parted ways. It happens.

I suspect that you are coming across as needy when interacting with others. You seem (to me) to be looking for validation from others rather than being satisfied with yourself first. It is also possible to have plenty of friends and still feel lonely.

One term is not long for trying, and the world in currently upended. I suspect that many people will seek out companionship and the company of others after all this is over. I'd say that it's worth at least waiting to see what happens when all this craziness is over.

 

[bpdandme]

I feel that no one will really appreciate who I really am as a person. This is why I asked the friend I love the most if I need to change myself for him. I asked multiple times, and he said no. Since I'm already very comfortable with him I tend to act like myself when talking to him. There were times where he finds me annoying and doesn't tell me, and according to him he can endure it. I don't understand. If he finds me annoying then why doesn't he want me to change. I already am giving him the opportunity to make me the person he wants me to be and he still refuses.

He's the only person who I can talk to whenever I have problems. Really good listener and patient. I cannot feel the same way towards other people. Like for example, if you've read one of my threads about reaching out for help you can see that I'm afraid to get help from anyone else in real life because the last thing I want is people threatening me if I'm not improving. Others blatantly throw blind optimism at me. I mean my friends are really helpful but for some reason I can't connect to them the same way I can to this person. Wish I could. It's like I'm hiding a huge chunk of me from them.

That being said I cannot imagine anyone accepting me as a person. But I don't understand why they wouldn't want me to change myself for them. I can do it, seriously, if that means preventing my CTB. A lack of a best friend or lover would be a sign for me to go.

I am willing to pay anyone to be my best friend or lover, just as long as I have the money. When worse comes to worst. There will come a time where we will have to turn relationships into a business.

There must be something wrong with me. I can't seem to appreciate my other friends enough to fill the emptiness. Well, I am grateful for them, but I still want something else.

Ugh this quarantine is making me feel lonely.

Still have less than four years to make my decision.

I'm so sorry you feel like this and I can definitely relate. Also, everyone can be annoying no matter who they are or what they do. People don't just hate others cause they are annoying. You will have other traits which make you worth being around and make any "annoyance" tolerable. I found the answer to my issue with this and it's because I was desperate to be loved and appreciated, I changed myself for everyone and acted different around different people. Others saw me as disingenuous, fake and insecure because I was so consumed with what people thought of me when I was actually just trying to make others happy to be around me - it's counterproductive.
If you are genuinely yourself, people who like you will gravitate towards you and you won't have to worry if they like you or not because you're being yourself and that's all you can be. And fuck those who don't like you that's not your problem, people I don't like is usually down to my own issues not anything to do them.

 

[BabyYoda]

Hum assuming your in college, what are you majoring in?

Something in the social science field.

I think you are asking too much from a friend. Close friendships take time to develop. Spending a few hours each week in a group activity is not the same as the long talks, time investment and just plain time spent together that makes a close friendship.

Another thing to consider is that friends move in and out of your life. I am no longer friends with many of the people I attended school with. Life took us down different paths and we parted ways. It happens.

I suspect that you are coming across as needy when interacting with others. You seem (to me) to be looking for validation from others rather than being satisfied with yourself first. It is also possible to have plenty of friends and still feel lonely.

One term is not long for trying, and the world in currently upended. I suspect that many people will seek out companionship and the company of others after all this is over. I'd say that it's worth at least waiting to see what happens when all this craziness is over.

I've been staying at home since the suspension of on-campus classes and I'm already sick of not seeing people in real life. It makes me insane. Also, some people already have the exact same things that I want for myself.