T
tatumtots
Member
- Dec 10, 2021
- 16
The thoughts are getting so hard to fight back. I don't have anywhere else in the world to put this. Mentally I feel like I'm in a room that's on fire like David Foster Wallace. Physically it manifests as my stomach hurting, my ears ringing, my toes curled up, and I can feel this uncomfortable electricity running down my legs. When I get really low I lean more into my religious beliefs. I am crying out to God to either show me another way or make it stop. Show me mercy in death that I can't find on Earth. I beg for forgiveness and salvation but it feels like God has turned His back on me. It's like I'm mentally holding back this dam and I don't have the strength to hold it back anymore. I try to push away the thoughts of CTB but they're too strong and I'm so weak on the inside. I just want to make it stop.
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