Venting Can't look at photos when I was a child anymore

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Today I was tidying mt bedroom with my mom and we found an album with photos of me when I was a child. Just by looking at the photos and comparing how my life changed made me feel so bad. I threw the album. Couldn't keep on looking at it. At that time everything was fine and I was happy without knowing that. Looking at my past hurts a lot. I'm so sad.

 

[xBrialesana]

I feel this shit so hard I'm so sorry you're hurting. Happy memories hurt worse than the bad ones to me.

If you ever want to vent hmu Try to take care of yourself for right now tho! I feel the pain in your words and I wish there was anything I could say, but I understand. Take it easy

 

[Lostandfound7]

Yup. I get u..when I look at my big smiles in old, childhood pics, they were genuine..I was really happy..I always wish I could just go back in time to feel genuinely happy again..

I'm right there with u

 

[Green Destiny]

I don't like looking into my past either. The stark contrast is too much.

 

[Nem]

Sorry to hear!
alm I know is it is complete bullshit how lives can be ruined by illness or injury and I completely understand your scenario...I feel the exact way
Peace/hugs

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Thanks for all comments. I really apreciate. Past hurts but is good for me to know that if I ctb this year I was happy at least more than half my life. At least I had a happy childhood. Things got fucked up during adulthood. I didn't know how to face life. Didnt see these things coming. But here I am. On the edge. But at peace with my decision.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I'm the exact same.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I drove past both my elementary schools in one day. This is the time that most of my ptsd comes from...... it was not pleasant driving after that. Certain things from this time period set me off of one of two ways. Rage and depression so bad I want to die right there. It sucks

 

[Lostandfound7]

Thanks for all comments. I really apreciate. Past hurts but is good for me to know that if I ctb this year I was happy at least more than half my life. At least I had a happy childhood. Things got fucked up during adulthood. I didn't know how to face life. Didnt see these things coming. But here I am. On the edge. But at peace with my decision.

I'm sorry honey..

 

[s1mplem3]

Probably you're right, I don't have any photo of me.

 

[faust]

When I look at these photos, I see... that it is not me... that's absolutely different person.
I am not bound to any things or photos, I could easily delete and burn everything.
Sometimes it's hard to realize that you are already an adult and do not attach great importance to anything. I think my hot-air balloon is ready to fly to the sky, because the cargo that was on it remains on wet and unholy ground...

 

[BridgeJumper]

I hate my past too, now that I look back on it. Hate that for the first 12 years of my life I couldnt imagine why somebody would kill themselves.
Also I hate looking at my photos because I have an eating disorder and looking at my body without stretch marks and flabby skin from loosing and gaining back all the weight is triggering af