Can't go from passive to active suicidal ideation

[Miscreated]

I've wanted to die my whole life but this is more of a passive feeling than an urge to actually make plans and do something about it. I've even made multiple suicide attempts but idk how to describe it, these attempts don't feel real. It almost feels like the equivalent of doing some normal/non-suicidal but risky action and hoping I'll die. Like idk speeding/drunk driving or cliff diving. When I hanged myself in my recent attempt it felt like I was doing it for fun or something. I didn't feel like I actually intended to die.

How do I be more motivated to die?? Even in my attempts I start thinking it's going to take too long. Like in my recent hanging attempt, no matter what I did, my windpipe was being crushed, not my carotid artery, and I wasn't passing out, and after 30 minutes of this I thought "I'm wasting too much time on this, I need to sleep now, I have to wake up early tomorrow". If I was actually motivated to die I wouldn't care about what happened tomorrow. It wouldn't matter because I'd be dead. But idk how to actually get to this point. Sorry idk if anything I said made sense but hopefully someone can understand

 

[Elsie]

How... Uh... Just live longer and see what happened

 

[joaosembraco12]

I've wanted to die my whole life but this is more of a passive feeling than an urge to actually make plans and do something about it.

It's normal, we have an instinct for survival. As long as we have the means to survive, we will continue to do so. At the moment, I am supported by my parents, but I don't know for how long. I have food, a computer, internet, hobbies; my life isn't miserable, but I know that I will have to kill myself as quickly as possible once I no longer have these material resources, because I will never be able to be exploited in the job market.

How do I be more motivated to die??

I can't motivate you here because it's against the rules. But you'll feel the urge when the situation becomes unbearable, don't worry about it, you won't need "willpower," "proactivity", or anything like that, your desire to die will be so strong that it will override your desire to live. So don't try to force yourself to do anything, just survive and that moment will come naturally.

 

[pleaseiwanttogo]

Hi, first I want to say I'd love to read professional health care comments about this, it's an interesting scenario and I would love to understand it better, very complex. Second, I get the feeling but it confuses me at the same time, what goes through your mind when you attempt? Or when you think about it? I'm just curiously asking. But as was told before, I believe you should just "relax" and wait for the right time, I believe you'll know when it is

 

[Dejected 55]

My understanding is that everything before you start planning is passive... Once you start making plans, that is already active... and certainly once you've made attempts, whether they succeed or not or whether you hesitate or not...

You can argue over how much you want to die vs want to live... but I think you're more than solidly into active ideation already.

 

[final.call]

It's normal, we have an instinct for survival. As long as we have the means to survive, we will continue to do so. At the moment, I am supported by my parents, but I don't know for how long. I have food, a computer, internet, hobbies; my life isn't miserable, but I know that I will have to kill myself as quickly as possible once I no longer have these material resources, because I will never be able to be exploited in the job market.

I can't motivate you here because it's against the rules. But you'll feel the urge when the situation becomes unbearable, don't worry about it, you won't need "willpower," "proactivity", or anything like that, your desire to die will be so strong that it will override your desire to live. So don't try to force yourself to do anything, just survive and that moment will come naturally.

Perfectly said, my response would be exactly this.

I am also being supported by my parents but I know it won't be for much longer. Similarly to yourself, I object to becoming a slave, working a job I have absolutely no interest in just to earn a living that I have no desire to live. I am currently just existing, coasting through life without purpose other than to 'be around' for the sake of my family.

Keep going and let nature take its course. When you know, you know and only then will you be determined enough to go through with it, hopefully once and for all.

 

[WallTermite]

Be careful with these "attempts" tho because you may hurt others or end up injured without actually ctb.

Your motivation to ctb probably isn't strong enough which means you might give life a chance. I'm kind of in the same boat. I will attempt vse (not eating, or eating very few calories). Let's see what happens, but I'm aware there are risks.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

I've wanted to die my whole life but this is more of a passive feeling than an urge to actually make plans and do something about it. I've even made multiple suicide attempts but idk how to describe it, these attempts don't feel real. It almost feels like the equivalent of doing some normal/non-suicidal but risky action and hoping I'll die. Like idk speeding/drunk driving or cliff diving. When I hanged myself in my recent attempt it felt like I was doing it for fun or something. I didn't feel like I actually intended to die.

How do I be more motivated to die?? Even in my attempts I start thinking it's going to take too long. Like in my recent hanging attempt, no matter what I did, my windpipe was being crushed, not my carotid artery, and I wasn't passing out, and after 30 minutes of this I thought "I'm wasting too much time on this, I need to sleep now, I have to wake up early tomorrow". If I was actually motivated to die I wouldn't care about what happened tomorrow. It wouldn't matter because I'd be dead. But idk how to actually get to this point. Sorry idk if anything I said made sense but hopefully someone can understand

I've been researching on hanging for literally months now, the (tightening knot such as a slip knot or noose) knot placement should be in front of your airways, putting the most pressure on the back of your neck from your body weight, and basically the V shape of the knot in front of your airways pretty much does the blood choke (by squeezing the sides of the neck and of course it's putting the most pressure on the back of your neck) and also tighten the knot as much as you can, also when tightening it further and putting more body weight, try to keep the knot in front of your airways, and the airways will be the least compressed.

 

[Miscreated]

Hi, first I want to say I'd love to read professional health care comments about this, it's an interesting scenario and I would love to understand it better, very complex. Second, I get the feeling but it confuses me at the same time, what goes through your mind when you attempt? Or when you think about it? I'm just curiously asking. But as was told before, I believe you should just "relax" and wait for the right time, I believe you'll know when it is

When I attempt, I just think that I want to die and that what I'm doing is going to kill me, but it just doesn't really sink in enough for me to make it a priority. Sorry I don't know if this makes sense. I mean I am trying to kill myself in my attempt but I still prioritize things in life. Like the example I gave in my post about hanging myself, I wanted to die but was still prioritizing sleeping early because I had to wake up early tomorrow, to the point that I just quit midway through my attempt because I thought it was taking too much time and I wouldn't have time for my other things (which again, I shouldn't care about because when I'm dead it won't matter). I don't know, maybe deep down, subconsciously, I feel like I won't succeed and that's why I never prioritize my attempt over other stuff. Sorry I hope I explained this clearly enough

I've been researching on hanging for literally months now, the (tightening knot such as a slip knot or noose) knot placement should be in front of your airways, putting the most pressure on the back of your neck from your body weight, and basically the V shape of the knot in front of your airways pretty much does the blood choke (by squeezing the sides of the neck and of course it's putting the most pressure on the back of your neck) and also tighten the knot as much as you can, also when tightening it further and putting more body weight, try to keep the knot in front of your airways, and the airways will be the least compressed.

That is interesting, so you mean the knot should be at the front instead of the back of the neck? Sorry I'm a bit tired and not sure if I'm understanding you correctly. In my attempts, I always tied the knot at the back of the head because that's how I saw it portrayed in methods. I will test out your method of having the knot at the front and see if it makes me dizzy/about to pass out. Also, since you said you have researched this topic extensively, do you know what materials are best? And I wanted to do partial hanging because full suspension feels too "sudden" for me, like just stepping off and losing consciousness immediately. Do you know how specifically I should lean to lose consciousness? Thank you so much for the info

 

[Pale_Rider]

From my experience it's not something you have a lot of control over. For me it's was like a switch. It never went back the way it was, and the level of pain varies, but its not at the same level it was, or can be currently. That's just me.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

When I attempt, I just think that I want to die and that what I'm doing is going to kill me, but it just doesn't really sink in enough for me to make it a priority. Sorry I don't know if this makes sense. I mean I am trying to kill myself in my attempt but I still prioritize things in life. Like the example I gave in my post about hanging myself, I wanted to die but was still prioritizing sleeping early because I had to wake up early tomorrow, to the point that I just quit midway through my attempt because I thought it was taking too much time and I wouldn't have time for my other things (which again, I shouldn't care about because when I'm dead it won't matter). I don't know, maybe deep down, subconsciously, I feel like I won't succeed and that's why I never prioritize my attempt over other stuff. Sorry I hope I explained this clearly enough

That is interesting, so you mean the knot should be at the front instead of the back of the neck? Sorry I'm a bit tired and not sure if I'm understanding you correctly. In my attempts, I always tied the knot at the back of the head because that's how I saw it portrayed in methods. I will test out your method of having the knot at the front and see if it makes me dizzy/about to pass out. Also, since you said you have researched this topic extensively, do you know what materials are best? And I wanted to do partial hanging because full suspension feels too "sudden" for me, like just stepping off and losing consciousness immediately. Do you know how specifically I should lean to lose consciousness? Thank you so much for the info

Nylon or polyester as the rope will work, also I don't mean full suspension, you can do it with the foot touching the ground its just that you lean down to use more of your body weight if needed, as the head exploding feeling may feel like it will intensify with more weight, it actually compresses the carotid arteries much better the more body weight you put on it, you will soon get extreme lightheaded feeling like your gonna pass out, or you might actually pass out with no warning.