Venting can't do anything

[somewhatdeadly]

My parents were forcing me to find a job, so I did. I found one, and the first day was pretty good at least as good as a job can be. The boss was a nice guy, and the tasks I was given were extremely easy. But the next day, I just couldn't force myself to get up and go. I didn't go.


I can't tolerate anything. I argued with my parents the entire day, and it makes me wish they hadn't had me if everything is going to be a problem when I'm only 18. I can't go to college, I can't work, and I don't see the point in doing anything. I just want to die, but I'm a coward and I don't have a reliable method. I know that's an excuse tho.


I just know I can't keep living like this. I feel like it will only get worse as I get older. Even if I didn't have to work or do anything, I still feel stuck. I asked them, and they won't pay for the college I wanted to go to. Studying would be easier than working, and maybe I could force myself to live a bit longer if this was the case but I guess that's not happening.


I don't know how, but I feel like I need to ctb in 3 months most likely sn or rope. i'd appriciate any reply.

 

[myriapoda]

i can relate to a degree. i'm currently in college while working a job, i often feel like if i focused on just one things would've been easier for me to push through. the current college i go to wasn't my first choice, but i was forced due to conflict with my mother and the threat of financial instability, so i complied and went to my current one.

I can't tolerate anything. I argued with my parents the entire day, and it makes me wish they hadn't had me if everything is going to be a problem when I'm only 18. I can't go to college, I can't work, and I don't see the point in doing anything.

i can't see it either, the only thing pushing me through work and school are my hobbies + online friends which i'm slowly losing hope/interest in. i don't wish hopeful thinking for you, because college is expensive and your parents aren't willing to help even though it'll help you in the long run. does the college offer any free online courses?

The boss was a nice guy, and the tasks I was given were extremely easy. But the next day, I just couldn't force myself to get up and go. I didn't go.

i get this 100% with my current boss and even professors. sometimes even with the right conditions or most understanding of people it's just hard.

I don't know how, but I feel like I need to ctb in 3 months most likely sn or rope.

have access to SN?

 

[somewhatdeadly]

i can't see it either, the only thing pushing me through work and school are my hobbies + online friends which i'm slowly losing hope/interest in. i don't wish hopeful thinking for you, because college is expensive and your parents aren't willing to help even though it'll help you in the long run. does the college offer any free online courses?

Yes, it does, and I wanted to take them, but for some reason my parents pressured me to go learn in the "real world." which resulted me dropping out.

i get this 100% with my current boss and even professors. sometimes even with the right conditions or most understanding of people it's just hard.

It's hard to get up and sit there for all that time. Even if it were part-time, it's still hard to go on a schedule. I don't think it's because I'm a bum. I used to be a good student. I just can't see the point anymore. And even if I were a bum, what's so wrong with it lol. Why'd i want to suffer for a piece of paper with completly delusional value attached to it. Why would i wake up and go to a job for years when i can't even be happy just existing and doing anything productive.

have access to SN?

i think so,i did a bit of search i can easily buy online.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I think a lot of people feel like you do. When I look back on my life it's been one long useless painful waste of time. Somehow I dragged myself through work, marriage, kids, etc. I'm not saying this to encourage you as if "you can make it just keep going". No. I'm just saying... I don't know what I'm saying... what you've describe can go on for years and years and years. It sucks.

 

[somewhatdeadly]

I think a lot of people feel like you do. When I look back on my life it's been one long useless painful waste of time. Somehow I dragged myself through work, marriage, kids, etc. I'm not saying this to encourage you as if "you can make it just keep going". No. I'm just saying... I don't know what I'm saying... what you've describe can go on for years and years and years. It sucks.

I dragged myself to school and part-time jobs for a while, but for some reason I'm completely out of tolerance now and I literally can't do anything anymore. I think it'd be pretty smart to just ctb before all of that… lol marriage shouldn't be that bad though if it's with someone you love, or is it?