Venting Can't break out of this endless cycle

[HerLastWords]

That's it, I guess. I've quit therapy completely now, and I can't even find the motivation to go back. Even though my therapist was genuinely sweet and she helped me a lot, I don't think I'll ever go back to it. My family's been worried and even angry at me for not wanting to get better, but it's so much more complicated than that. I've slowly stopped taking my medicines because of how bad it was (since I was a kid I've never been able to swallow them so my only option was chewing, I've found some options that weren't pills itself, but they didn't work very well). My sleep schedule is a mess, I have been sleeping throught the day and I don't have any appetite, and my parents keeps forcing me to eat after they found out I'm extremely low on vitamins. I have no further objectives or will to do anything anymore, I've searched ways of CTB and I've been considering some but I don't know if I'll ever manage to do it. I just can't break out of this painful cycle and it hurts me a lot., even self harm isn't relieving me anymore but I can't stop it.

 

[letmejoindeath]

Personally I can think of a couple of ways to end the cycle.

Just hate that I'm such a piece of shit that people will be left hanging tomorrow. If I end it now no one will ever have to be disappointed again.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring feeling so trapped in that situation, I get that it's dreadful having to suffer in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Enlighten]

That's it, I guess. I've quit therapy completely now, and I can't even find the motivation to go back. Even though my therapist was genuinely sweet and she helped me a lot, I don't think I'll ever go back to it. My family's been worried and even angry at me for not wanting to get better, but it's so much more complicated than that. I've slowly stopped taking my medicines because of how bad it was (since I was a kid I've never been able to swallow them so my only option was chewing, I've found some options that weren't pills itself, but they didn't work very well). My sleep schedule is a mess, I have been sleeping throught the day and I don't have any appetite, and my parents keeps forcing me to eat after they found out I'm extremely low on vitamins. I have no further objectives or will to do anything anymore, I've searched ways of CTB and I've been considering some but I don't know if I'll ever manage to do it. I just can't break out of this painful cycle and it hurts me a lot., even self harm isn't relieving me anymore but I can't stop it.

i'm sorry you're feeling that apatic. I would advice to try and just do 1 thing everyday, preferably something different every day.
It'll give you some sense of accomplishment and you might discover something you like or get fullfillment out of. Can be as simple as cleaning your room.

 

[HerLastWords]

i'm sorry you're feeling that apatic. I would advice to try and just do 1 thing everyday, preferably something different every day.
It'll give you some sense of accomplishment and you might discover something you like or get fullfillment out of. Can be as simple as cleaning your room.

Thank you for the advice. I'll try my best, since even getting out of bed it's hard right now, but I'll see what I can do.

 

[letmejoindeath]

i'm sorry you're feeling that apatic. I would advice to try and just do 1 thing everyday, preferably something different every day.
It'll give you some sense of accomplishment and you might discover something you like or get fullfillment out of. Can be as simple as cleaning your room.

Some of us have already done that and do not care to fix anything anymore.

Eventually you have to just give up. Trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is literal insanity and will drive you to insanity.

Who gives a fuck what the future brings? It's not going to make me any younger or give me the ability to enjoy all the things I missed out on. It's not going to suddenly make my childhood better or being a young adult better. Most old people say that is the best time in life. Well for me it wasn't and if that's the best in life I'm going to make my heart stop.