Can you envision yourself as someone you actually like? Do you think you could theoretically improve?

[noname223]

I try to like me more. I try to be more friendly towards myself. But in the end I feel like a fraud.

All I do is accumulating knowledge. Mostly about politics. But often not from scientifical sources.
And I am reflecting on myself and my inner feelings. I think I am better in that.

Like I really like David Foster Wallace. But DFW self-loathed himself extremely. He felt even more as an imposter. But actually do I think I would like myself if I was David Foster Wallace? Probably not. He treated women badly and manipulated them. I think he had pretty dark sides.

Is there anyone who I would like to be and if I was that person, would I actually like myself? I think that's a tough question. Because you need to know these people personally.

Tbh I think about a lot of people. If I would be like them I also would not like myself. I like them as people and I am friends with them. But I still would not like myself if I was them. Maybe because we have different morals and values? But if I have these values and morals, why don't I like myself? I think I don't live up to my standards. That's one point.

Maybe I have a problem with the conditio humane. Maybe I don't like being a human being.

There are some people I look up to. But I don't know enough of them to imagine being in their shoes. I envy the life quality of other people. On the other hand, I think you have to be pretty ignorant about the state of the world, all the injustice and live in your own filter bubble to fade out of what is happening. A little bit of melanchloia, sadness and despair feels indispensable. But aren't these feelings often accompanied by self-hatred and self-doubts? Do I think good human being need them? I always thought how much of looking into the abyss is a necessity for being a good human being. But if you gaze long enough into it, the abyss gazes into you.

I have some good friends. I can only imagine to like myself if I was in the shoes of one or two. Personally, I really like all of them. Without a doubt. They mean extremely much to me. And I think they are extremely good human beings. But if I change the perspective. And I was actually in the shoes of them, look at myself my standards would change. I find that stunning. Because it therapy one says you have to treat yourself like you treat a good friend.

Maybe, I am not the actual problem. Maybe I am not a horrible human being that deserves being despised and self-loathed 24/7. Maybe my perspective and my own standards are the problem? WIth logical reasoning and rationalization I try to get more positive recently. I think there is a negativity bias in my thinking. For me it is important to behave and think rationally. But without a doubt I am catastrophizing and self-loathing me a lot. And I project my own anxieties into others. I feel like others are disgusted by me. Or look down at me for the person I am. I tend to black-white thinking.

I have without a doubt extreme high standards to myself. I can never fulfil my expectations. There are always people who are better in everything. I think I am pretty deep though.

I cannot imagine to love myself. I am not sure if I was loved in a romantic way I could forget the self-hatred a bit. I am not sure. But could I ever be myself, or do I have to hide parts of me?

 

[Cosmophobic]

Maybe, I am not the actual problem. Maybe I am not a horrible human being that deserves being despised and self-loathed 24/7. Maybe my perspective and my own standards are the problem?

Yes! Maybe!

I usually read your posts because you seem to suffer from excessive introspection like myself. Honestly you have it worse, which was a shock for me.

One thing that I try is to observe and attempt to understand my self-critical thoughts and emotions. Difficult to do without getting lost in rumination which is precisely what you must avoid. Acceptance is key. I don't know what your views are on free will vs determinism but as a determinist it helps somewhat to remind myself that I can't be other than I am in the present moment.

 

[Dejected 55]

I like myself. I'm a good person. I'm a kind person. I'm a thoughtful person. I do have things I am passionate about and I will fight for those and I would fight for people I love. I believe I could be even better. But I know none of this matters because I am alone, and alone I am limited in who I can become and what I can accomplish.

I can certainly improve, like anyone else could... but there is a limit to that improvement, a barrier that I can't cross without help, without a companion. I do not see that as possible anymore, so I believe I have gone as far as I can go on my own, thus there is no point in continuing. I can do nothing further on my own than I have already done in my life.

 

[heywey]

I wonder about a perfect clone of myself, like if I was just copy-pasted as-is and there were two perfect duplicates of me. I can't imagine not liking the clone. I mean I know I'm not the greatest human out there but it would be pretty hypocritical of me if I wasn't okay with my own faults in other people, not to mention the overlapping interests would be pretty rad.

And yet, even knowing that, I still can't logic my way into actually liking myself as just myself. I think, a big part of it is that you see all the worst parts of yourself. You hear every negative thought that goes through your head totally unfiltered. You can't leave the room when you're bothering yourself, or step away to cool off when you're upset. There's a gap between you and the best version of you, and you have no choice but to face it every day.

I think it turns into a sort of cycle where the more you focus on the gap, the harder it is to escape. I don't really know what the solution is. Trying harder doesn't really work. Not trying seems closer but not quite right either.

 

[Pluto]

 

[dumbnhappy]

I'll try but I just hate myself so much. I dont know. ive always been a failure in every way that mattered. if I tried and failed would that make me feel worse?

 

[Forever Sleep]

In a way, my personality isn't tested quite so much now, seeing as I spend so much time alone. That's a problem in itself really. I do have the potential to be so much kinder but, I'm not. I'm pretty selfish. But then, I don't exactly hate myself for that either. It's kind of inevitable in some ways that I've turned out like this. Focusing on my (creative) career was a coping mechanism from childhood. In a way, everyone's lucky I happened to pick that, rather than something else that could have actually damaged them- eg. substance abuse. I suppose I'm more unkind by ommision, rather than going out my way to be horrible.

That said, I compare myself to others and, come up short. I'm not very tolerant. I'm moody- especially when feeling stressed. In many ways, I think it's better that I'm not around people. I'm unlikely to put on a happy face for them and, I imagine I would just bring people down now.

I don't really feel much motivation to improve. I'd maybe be able to fake a more 'normal' person if I had to but, probably not for long. Cracks would start to show. It just seems safer to inflict myself on as few people as possible.