C
Circles
Visionary
- Sep 3, 2018
- 2,297
Let me preface to say that I don't judge anyone's reasons as to why they want to kill themselves. Any reason is a valid reason and if not many people will ever understand especially on this site then screw it. I just need to talk about this somewhere.
I want to ctb before my mother dies whom is sick with COPD. Okay now before anyone jumps and judges. I have a small family but it's dysfunctional as fuck. There's myself, mother, grandfather, sister, and brother. I don't know where to even begin. I truly do love my mother but she is selfish as fuck because she let her cigarette addiction get this bad and now everyone is expected to take care of her. Mind you I'm 29 years old. She or my grandfather didn't have to take care of their parents at this fucking age. Hell she has her 86 years old dad, my grandfather, taking care of her even now in her 60s. Me or my siblings will never have that. And I'm fucking sorry god forbid I don't want to take care of my sick parent who doesn't want to do anything to help her situation at this age. And then there's my fucking siblings whom are unhelpful and somehow all the responsibility is being put on ME. Plus I have to deal with doing most of the chores and such cause my sister is lazy as fuck, my brother lives on his own now,, mom is sick of course, and grandfather is old. I feel like I'm a suicidal Cinderella for fucks sake. Like fuck I have to deal with my own problems and none of them care. I feel like ultimately I'm doing all this and they sure as fuck don't care about me. And before anyone says it, YES, I have and continue to voice my opinion about this to them especially my siblings.
I know I'm probably not putting enough information on here so you get the full picture, but I know most people don't read these long posts. I don't know what to do anymore. I've fought off the urge to die for years now and now I just feel like it was all for nothing. Hell the main reason why I stayed this long is for my mother and now I feel like a complete failure of a son. Whatever anyone says or disagrees with there's nothing wrong with wanting ctb before my mother passes. Though at times it feels like I can't wait any longer that doesn't mean I won't try to wait it out till she passes but it's getting overwhelming. Everyone's circumstances are different so please don't judge.
Whatever vent over fuck.
I want to ctb before my mother dies whom is sick with COPD. Okay now before anyone jumps and judges. I have a small family but it's dysfunctional as fuck. There's myself, mother, grandfather, sister, and brother. I don't know where to even begin. I truly do love my mother but she is selfish as fuck because she let her cigarette addiction get this bad and now everyone is expected to take care of her. Mind you I'm 29 years old. She or my grandfather didn't have to take care of their parents at this fucking age. Hell she has her 86 years old dad, my grandfather, taking care of her even now in her 60s. Me or my siblings will never have that. And I'm fucking sorry god forbid I don't want to take care of my sick parent who doesn't want to do anything to help her situation at this age. And then there's my fucking siblings whom are unhelpful and somehow all the responsibility is being put on ME. Plus I have to deal with doing most of the chores and such cause my sister is lazy as fuck, my brother lives on his own now,, mom is sick of course, and grandfather is old. I feel like I'm a suicidal Cinderella for fucks sake. Like fuck I have to deal with my own problems and none of them care. I feel like ultimately I'm doing all this and they sure as fuck don't care about me. And before anyone says it, YES, I have and continue to voice my opinion about this to them especially my siblings.
I know I'm probably not putting enough information on here so you get the full picture, but I know most people don't read these long posts. I don't know what to do anymore. I've fought off the urge to die for years now and now I just feel like it was all for nothing. Hell the main reason why I stayed this long is for my mother and now I feel like a complete failure of a son. Whatever anyone says or disagrees with there's nothing wrong with wanting ctb before my mother passes. Though at times it feels like I can't wait any longer that doesn't mean I won't try to wait it out till she passes but it's getting overwhelming. Everyone's circumstances are different so please don't judge.
Whatever vent over fuck.
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