A
Angi
Specialist
- Jan 4, 2022
- 305
I want to jump. I want to crush myself out of life. Life has been trying to do this, so hard, and I will comply. I checked the odds, the roof I have access to should give me 90% chance to die if I jump feet first, so if I manage to go head first, I should be well and thoroughly dead, I guess. I meant to go a different way, but at the moment I cannot. So jumping it is. I hope I will be gone fast once I hit the asphalt.
Problem is: Whenever I picture myself up there, on my way over the rail, I see my rapist pushing me. I cannot give him power over this last thing in my life. I want to claim my life back, and I cannot seem to make it alive, so I need to find a way to at least end it myself, by my own will. I wish he was here on this website, seeking a way out of this misery of life, for he took my life already and I do not see how he is still entitled to living his. But he continues to live and give a shit about what he has taken.
I do not care to be a "survivor", not of child abuse, not of rape, nor of anything else. Of the people who made me suffer so much, why couldn't one end it? Instead, they took my life away from me in a way that is invisible to others, by occupying my head. I want it back, by smashing it if need be!
Problem is: Whenever I picture myself up there, on my way over the rail, I see my rapist pushing me. I cannot give him power over this last thing in my life. I want to claim my life back, and I cannot seem to make it alive, so I need to find a way to at least end it myself, by my own will. I wish he was here on this website, seeking a way out of this misery of life, for he took my life already and I do not see how he is still entitled to living his. But he continues to live and give a shit about what he has taken.
I do not care to be a "survivor", not of child abuse, not of rape, nor of anything else. Of the people who made me suffer so much, why couldn't one end it? Instead, they took my life away from me in a way that is invisible to others, by occupying my head. I want it back, by smashing it if need be!