Help Can decide on what to get rid of before ctb

[Rustysoupcan]

I'm worried I will fail and will regret getting rid of things. Mostly what I'm thinking about are journals with all my feeling n shit, sex toys, and lude photos of my partner. If I pass I dont want my family seeing any of that, for obvious reason, but if I fail and have to live longer, I dont want to have just gotten rid of all that stuff. Theres no where I can like hide it so that only I will know where it is if I survive. Did anyone else encounter this issue? How should I go about this?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Gym locker? Deposit box? Storage space? Dug hole? Sunk plastic bag with rope?

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Gym locker? Deposit box? Storage space? Dug hole? Sunk plastic bag with rope?

Thinking about it more, the only thing I could use similar to a locker is a storage unit in the basement. I have my own for my apartment, but I was thinking of using one from a different apartment that is empty, so if I survive I can just take it out. The only issue I can see is if the actual owner wants to put stuff in there, or if I'm in the hospital for a long time and either the owner or landlord sees it.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Thinking about it more, the only thing I could use similar to a locker is a storage unit in the basement. I have my own for my apartment, but I was thinking of using one from a different apartment that is empty, so if I survive I can just take it out. The only issue I can see is if the actual owner wants to put stuff in there, or if I'm in the hospital for a long time and either the owner or landlord sees it.

Doesn't sound like you're ready to die, tbh. Consider giving life another shot until you're ready to leave.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

Doesn't sound like you're ready to die, tbh. Consider giving life another shot until you're ready to leave.

What makes you say that?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

What makes you say that?

I have no idea how to answer this question, I'm afraid.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I have no idea how to answer this question, I'm afraid.

Afraid of what? I promise I'm not gonna lash out, I think you're kinda right, I'm afraid to die and I'm afraid of what will happen to my partner if I do die. I just wonder what makes you think that based off of the post.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Afraid of what? I promise I'm not gonna lash out, I think you're kinda right, I'm afraid to die and I'm afraid of what will happen to my partner if I do die. I just wonder what makes you think that based off of the post.

I've always been very good at reading people. I don't want to tell people what to do since I'm pro-choice, but my humble advice is for you- in this case, to reconsider your options. Feel free to ignore me; there are just so many scared, anxious kiddos that really haven't been given a fair chance yet.

 

[signifying nothing]

Doesn't sound like you're ready to die, tbh. Consider giving life another shot until you're ready to leave.

What makes you say that?

I'd second this. I think that if you're not willing to let go in life of the things that define you (the journals, photos, etc) then you're going to find it difficult letting go of life itself.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@Rustysoupcan
You say you have a partner? Give them the photos or destroy them.. You can always get more. And if it is an ex partner, that person would probably not want you to have them anyway, now or ever.

As for the journals, I put mine through the shredder last month. It felt like I was shredding all the bad things I had written about. Now, if I have to write, I do it in a letter form. "Dear (name)". A week or two later, I trash it. It feels better than to keep those negative thoughts and feelings around.

I have recently realized that keeping those kinds of things is like hanging on to the bad things in my life. Just bad reminders.

As for the toys, so what? Keep them. Many people have them. No big deal.

 

[DEARDEAD]

@Rustysoupcan
You say you have a partner? Give them the photos or destroy them.. You can always get more. And if it is an ex partner, that person would probably not want you to have them anyway, now or ever.

As for the journals, I put mine through the shredder last month. It felt like I was shredding all the bad things I had written about. Now, if I have to write, I do it in a letter form. "Dear (name)". A week or two later, I trash it. It feels better than to keep those negative thoughts and feelings around.

I have recently realized that keeping those kinds of things is like hanging on to the bad things in my life. Just bad reminders.

As for the toys, so what? Keep them. Many people have them. No big deal.

And that has worked?

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

@DEARDEAD

Yes, for me it has, at least for now, along with other things I have done or am doing.

No therapy, no drugs, btw.

 

[DEARDEAD]

NeverGoodEnuff
It's great, I always try to do it, and when I start to feel better something makes me relapse and I get stuck just like before.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I still relapse now and then. It almost always has something to do with interactions with certain other people.

I went no contact with them and haven't had a real relapse since (about a month).

 

[wordsonscreen]

I'm not throwing out essentials or really anything. I've packed it all in a bag and it will be locked. Instructions will be left (in case of a successful exit) for a friend to dump that bag without opening it. This way, I prep for all scenarios :) ESP the nightmare scenario of waking up in the ICU 2 weeks later : ))

For photos, make a digital copy.
Do you really want the journals?? if so, make digital copies.
encrypt this shit

I still relapse now and then. It almost always has something to do with interactions with certain other people.

I went no contact with them and haven't had a real relapse since (about a month).

I feel you. Breaking contact for me has helped too.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I'm not throwing out essentials or really anything. I've packed it all in a bag and it will be locked. Instructions will be left (in case of a successful exit) for a friend to dump that bag without opening it. This way, I prep for all scenarios :) ESP the nightmare scenario of waking up in the ICU 2 weeks later : ))

For photos, make a digital copy.
Do you really want the journals?? if so, make digital copies.
encrypt this shit


I feel you. Breaking contact for me has helped too.

My photos are digital now, just on my phone. I dont want to permanently delete them and I'm not really tech savvy enough to find some encrypted place put put them. Also, I'm wondering what to do with text conversations between people because I also dont want to delete all the things I've ever said to say my partner or someone in case I do survive and want to look back on it.

 

[wordsonscreen]

My photos are digital now, just on my phone. I dont want to permanently delete them and I'm not really tech savvy enough to find some encrypted place put put them.

easiest thing- new account, google pictures

Also, I'm wondering what to do with text conversations between people because I also dont want to delete all the things I've ever said to say my partner or someone in case I do survive and want to look back on it.

keep them on your phone, lock it. set it to auto reset after 10 wrong password inputs in case its not you trying to get in.

 

[sorella santini]

I burned 10 years worth of journals last year. I thought I might regret it but the idea of anyone ever reading any of it keeps any nostalgia in check. Actually I see the thinning out and letting go of personal items as a step closer to where I need to be mentally to ctb.

 

[loopylou]

Internet history

 

[wordsonscreen]

I burned 10 years worth of journals last year. I thought I might regret it but the idea of anyone ever reading any of it keeps any nostalgia in check. Actually I see the thinning out and letting go of personal items as a step closer to where I need to be mentally to ctb.

this^ yes I feel you.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

It is very hard for me to let go of my things. Frustrating.

 

[DEARDEAD]

NeverGoodEnuff could we talk? maybe it helps​