Hi all
I've been here for a little while, it's served as a comfort in my really low points.
I've seen so many people share their stories and so many of them are so tragic and heartbreaking, it almost makes you wonder how they have lasted so long.
However my story is so much different (which everyone's is) but let me try and explain the best I can;
I had a lovely childhood, a broken home but my parents got on and didn't leave me feeling unloved, I had an older sister who I got on with, plenty of friends, some to this day that I still have since early school. I still have a lovely friend group and have no issue making new ones, I just never want to.
I've always been in work, own a house, have moderate debt, have no problem hooking up with people. I've had one major relationship which ended abruptly after 5 years, but again, whilst a very sad breakup we just drifted apart.
There of course have been low points, family deaths, my grandma died of a heart attack and I saw it happen and had to raise the alarm, my sister died of cancer. I lived in a very toxic, emotionally abusive household with an ex best friend, but managed to get out of there.
I'm currently in therapy for anxiety and depression which is helping, I think, however my point is, on the outside and by other people's standards I've always done moderately well but cannot shake the suicidal ideations. It goes back as far as I can remember, when I was younger, early teens or even before, I'd see if things in my house could take my weight just in case I has to do it.
Does anyone else feel like this? No real devastating trauma to speak of, a relatively pleasant life on paper, but cannot shake this want to ctb?
Thank you for reading this x
I've been here for a little while, it's served as a comfort in my really low points.
I've seen so many people share their stories and so many of them are so tragic and heartbreaking, it almost makes you wonder how they have lasted so long.
However my story is so much different (which everyone's is) but let me try and explain the best I can;
I had a lovely childhood, a broken home but my parents got on and didn't leave me feeling unloved, I had an older sister who I got on with, plenty of friends, some to this day that I still have since early school. I still have a lovely friend group and have no issue making new ones, I just never want to.
I've always been in work, own a house, have moderate debt, have no problem hooking up with people. I've had one major relationship which ended abruptly after 5 years, but again, whilst a very sad breakup we just drifted apart.
There of course have been low points, family deaths, my grandma died of a heart attack and I saw it happen and had to raise the alarm, my sister died of cancer. I lived in a very toxic, emotionally abusive household with an ex best friend, but managed to get out of there.
I'm currently in therapy for anxiety and depression which is helping, I think, however my point is, on the outside and by other people's standards I've always done moderately well but cannot shake the suicidal ideations. It goes back as far as I can remember, when I was younger, early teens or even before, I'd see if things in my house could take my weight just in case I has to do it.
Does anyone else feel like this? No real devastating trauma to speak of, a relatively pleasant life on paper, but cannot shake this want to ctb?
Thank you for reading this x
