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foreverfalling
Experienced
- Jul 22, 2022
- 242
I've been burnt out at work lately and it's probably been the worst I've ever been. Constant stress, new things to learn and fuck ups. I cried in front of my mum today. My brain is so tired it doesn't work. I don't officially have Autism but Autistic burnout describes my situation. I feel like I want to take a year of doing nothing to repair my brain. The only way I've been coping with work is because I have my parents looking after everything else for me. Like I spend all my spoons on work and have nothing left over. I fear I can't continue much longer.
We can say our jobs don't define us or our value, but in reality it does. If I lose this job then I don't think I'd be able to get something similar. My standard of living will go down. I won't be able to put food on the table. I'll be a useless person. People don't want to associate with useless people. The only way I can comfortably talk to someone is if I pay them. I even thought about messaging my ex this morning, maybe she'd lend me an ear. I don't think so, why would she spend so much effort on me if she doesn't get anything in return? And a guy that's about to lose his job won't be able to give her anything, it's a liability. I've had people talk to me purely because of my job, because they think I earn a lot and I can help them get in.
Whatever I do there will be suffering. I'm suffering from the mental stress of my current job. If I changed jobs to say a physical job then my body will be stressed. If I get an 'easy' job then I'll be financially stressed. If I can't get a job I'll be stressed. My mum doesn't work, but she stresses over making food for us.
It's a lonely battle. I wish I have a method prepared before my money and energy runs out. Because no one else is going to help me otherwise.
We can say our jobs don't define us or our value, but in reality it does. If I lose this job then I don't think I'd be able to get something similar. My standard of living will go down. I won't be able to put food on the table. I'll be a useless person. People don't want to associate with useless people. The only way I can comfortably talk to someone is if I pay them. I even thought about messaging my ex this morning, maybe she'd lend me an ear. I don't think so, why would she spend so much effort on me if she doesn't get anything in return? And a guy that's about to lose his job won't be able to give her anything, it's a liability. I've had people talk to me purely because of my job, because they think I earn a lot and I can help them get in.
Whatever I do there will be suffering. I'm suffering from the mental stress of my current job. If I changed jobs to say a physical job then my body will be stressed. If I get an 'easy' job then I'll be financially stressed. If I can't get a job I'll be stressed. My mum doesn't work, but she stresses over making food for us.
It's a lonely battle. I wish I have a method prepared before my money and energy runs out. Because no one else is going to help me otherwise.