Bullying and suicide: What's the connection?

[Alan James]

Those who experience bullying in various forms - how did this affect you? I think it strengthened my mental disorders, plunged into an endless state of depression and apathy, my self-esteem is lower than it can be imagined (and I consider it objective), I hated myself to physical pain and mocked myself for years, I became a misanthrope and a real sociopath, hated society to such an extent that it lost any ability to empathy and sympathy. I will remain a virgin for life (now I am 31) - this is my conscious choice, my libido is completely dead, my genes are also sick and they should never be passed on to anyone.

I was bullying by everybody and everywhere: at school, on the street, at the college, at home. Children, teachers, adults, my parents and I myself humiliated myself in various ways for years. But I myself was to blame for this: I was just seriously mentally ill, I have schizophrenia, was in terrible depression and anxiety, i was very weak physically (sometimes I felt so weak and bad that it was hard for me to walk), I had a myopia of -8 and I wore thick glasses. I hated myself, considered myself a bad person and genetic trash and that I must suffer. I was bullying in many different ways, I was beaten, several times broke bones, they urinated on me, broke my things, broke my glasses, forced me to eat earth and snow, doused with water and alcohol. The teachers saw it and did nothing, some teachers also humiliated me. I didn't say anything to my parents.

 

[GeorgeJL]

What do you expect if you don't tell your parents? And if the teachers don't get involved then you could have went to the principle. And if the principle didn't do anything you could have went higher. You could have gotten evidence and sued the shit out of these bullies. I wouldn't say it's your fault, but certainly you could have done more I am sure to stand up for yourself.

And yes I was bullied too, mostly in grammar school. And yes it negatively effected me but it was never nearly as bad as you had it. And in the cases it got really bad, like a bruised arm on my birthday with birthday punches, my parents got involved and it didn't happen again.

 

[Alan James]

What do you expect if you don't tell your parents? And if the teachers don't get involved then you could have went to the principle. And if the principle didn't do anything you could have went higher. You could have gotten evidence and sued the shit out of these bullies. I wouldn't say it's your fault, but certainly you could have done more I am sure to stand up for yourself.

Yes, you right. I hated myself and thought it was my fault: I had such an idea that since I am physically and mentally ill, weak, I have bad genetics - then I deserve bullying. I thought that I should deal with these problems myself, I was afraid of my parents and what they would think of me if they knew about this. And my parents refused to transfer me to another school (this one was the closest), they thought that this would not solve the problem because the problem is not in school but in me.

 

[LastFlowers]

What do you expect if you don't tell your parents? And if the teachers don't get involved then you could have went to the principle. And if the principle didn't do anything you could have went higher. You could have gotten evidence and sued the shit out of these bullies. I wouldn't say it's your fault, but certainly you could have done more I am sure to stand up for yourself.

And yes I was bullied too, mostly in grammar school. And yes it negatively effected me but it was never nearly as bad as you had it. And in the cases it got really bad, like a bruised arm on my birthday with birthday punches, my parents got involved and it didn't happen again.

I don't think the first half of what you said is very helpful or understanding. They said their parents were included in those who bullied them, which was pretty much everyone.
It is very very difficult to advocate for yourself when you are beaten down so much.
It is not their fault in any degree.

I would usually say legal action probably wouldn't do much in the case of typical bullying, but agree that OP's was so severe that it seems actually crimes were commited. Assault, for one.
I still don't know that anything would have been done though. Bullies are notorious for getting away with their actions, thanks to the help and misplaced protection from the rest of
society.

 

[ExitTheDay]

I was bullied a lot in middle school, but never really look it to heart because I knew these people were just projecting and suffering from their own insecurities, what I did take to heart is how they could be such horrible people they could be, not to me but the bad energy they forced upon others

 

[soda_pressed]

What do you expect if you don't tell your parents? And if the teachers don't get involved then you could have went to the principle. And if the principle didn't do anything you could have went higher. You could have gotten evidence and sued the shit out of these bullies. I wouldn't say it's your fault, but certainly you could have done more I am sure to stand up for yourself.

And yes I was bullied too, mostly in grammar school. And yes it negatively effected me but it was never nearly as bad as you had it. And in the cases it got really bad, like a bruised arm on my birthday with birthday punches, my parents got involved and it didn't happen again.

I told my parents, principal and stood up for myself (basically doing everything that you said) yet was still bullied.

I was bullied when I was 13 by one boy, and despite me standing up for myself, telling my parents and going to the principal multiple times they did fuck all. He only stopped bullying me when my brother grabbed him and threatened him.

I find your comment quite harsh as you're insinuating that it's slightly the victim's fault for not telling anyone.

 

[Xaphous]

Very much the same as you OP, it definitely set out my life path of isolating and the bullying didn't end after school was over which cemented my life further in place. I think about it often and it's very angering because I've been hikikomori ever since and missed my whole life because of it, also never having confidence to try and date. I believe I have Complex-PTSD from it as well as a myriad of other problems.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I was bullied in middle school and high school because I was extremely social awkward. I remember trying to tell my mom and she told me to stop being stupid and lazy and focus on my grades. She told me that if I wasn't so lazy and got better grades, I wouldn't be bullied.
Nothing could be farther from the truth, of course. I earned the best grades in my class throughout middle school and high school. But nothing was ever good enough for my mom. In my mom's eyes, I was only getting being lazy and getting a 96 instead of a 98 on my tests was the root cause of all my problems.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I told my parents, principal and stood up for myself (basically doing everything that you said) yet was still bullied.

I was bullied when I was 13 by one boy, and despite me standing up for myself, telling my parents and going to the principal multiple times they did fuck all. He only stopped bullying me when my brother grabbed him and threatened him.

I find your comment quite harsh as you're insinuating that it's slightly the victim's fault for not telling anyone.

Well going to family worked for me.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

A lot. Teachers didn't care, they didn't even try. And when I told my father, and he took things to the principal, all the bullies got was a slap on the wrist. They'd stop for a few days, and then they'd be back at it again. Schools don't take bullying seriously enough. They say they do, but they really don't.

 

[snowman626]

The only way to stop bullies is to beat them to a pulp. If you're small then wait till one is alone and ambush them from behind with a weapon. When they go low, you put them 6 ft under, thats how you stop bullies. Yes you'll get in trouble, but the only other alternative is to be a victim.

Another thing is why is it that when you get pushed around or beat up at a school or work we call it bullying instead of assault, and we're told to report it to a teacher instead of the police? When you're 30 and some random thug on the street shove you into the ground thats assault. But when you're 15 and get shoved into a locker people think its no big deal.

 

[memento_mori]

was bullied in primary school. went to an all girls school so it was basically social isolation and malicious comments, nothing physical. teacher was too young and new to things and didn't know how to handle the situation.
I remember standing by the railing ( around 5~6 stories high) and thinking what it would be like to just leap down.

 

[omoidarui]

is it possible for any of you to make contact with those who antagonised you at school and talk about it? some guy went semi-viral on YT contacting his old perpetrator and they turned out to have changed. would it make a difference?

 

[Alan James]

is it possible for any of you to make contact with those who antagonised you at school and talk about it? some guy went semi-viral on YT contacting his old perpetrator and they turned out to have changed. would it make a difference?

One of them went to prison for drug trafficking. I don't feel hatred and resentment towards those who bullying me - I hate myself, I just did everything wrong, I had to change this awful school and go to programming courses (I did this for a while, I was good at it and It gave me great pleasure, but then my mental disorders and a very strong depression completely destroyed my cognitive abilities, I could no longer do what I would like to do all my life).

 

[Begemont]

I've participated in a study regarding the connection of bullying and generally feeling bad in life. Depression, other mental disorders, just not doing well in life and so on. Apparently it's one of the more common factors.. I could probably try to look some studies of that up if I ever get the energy for it. So I can't say anything for certain and I don't really remember my bullying (I mostly don't have memories of that time, but I know of some stuff that happened back then from second hand sources). But I think it did do quite a number on me. Not really the reason for me but might be something that contributed a lot to my mental state.

 

[omoidarui]

One of them went to prison for drug trafficking. I don't feel hatred and resentment towards those who bullying me - I hate myself, I just did everything wrong, I had to change this awful school and go to programming courses (I did this for a while, I was good at it and It gave me great pleasure, but then my mental disorders and a very strong depression completely destroyed my cognitive abilities, I could no longer do what I would like to do all my life).

your original post makes me want to go after the people who abused you. for all the faults you think you have, you must have great patience to not feel hatred nor resentment to them

Edit: not that i would go after them, obviously - just angry that you had to experience that.

 

[MartEU]

I was bullied for 8 years, or so I was told, I'm not sure if I remember it or if my parents told me about it because of my whole primary school I have exactly 0 memories, everything is gone.
I know I never had friends so when I went to my secondary education I made the choice to make friends with the "cool kinds", they obviously smoked weed and drank so there I went, fast forward 10-ish years and I'm a recovering heroin addict, I don't know how much of my life got fucked by bullying but I sure as hell know my self-confidence and my ability to ask for help/be vulnerable is nearly gone and has only now started to come back a little.
I still flinch when people make sudden movements next to me, I get scared whenever I see a group of teenage boys walking down the street and I still can't accept myself, I think the majority of this is caused by bullying, but I never got any help/therapy for it so I can't say for sure.

Hope this answers your question :)

 

[tomz323]

I think its a big factor. Especially growing up, some of the things you get told still affect you today. Kinda like a angel and demon on your shoulder from cartoons. Weird though, some of my former Bully's are now my "friends". I personally don't think you can blame a bully for someones suicide. (I know that might not be popular). Its always up to the individual, they should not make any rash decisions.

 

[been_there]

Children usually have some reason to be as they are so there's some excuse and chance for change.

Adult bullies are human scum and responsible for many, many suicides. Much worse now that everyone can join in on social media or hide behind anonymity, its a whole new world of bullying. I've encountered bullies throughout my life. Worked with them, had children with them, been harassed for years by them. I can honestly say that its like mud wrestling a pig, they try to drag you down to a level they enjoy. The only thing they understand is violence. And if you're not a violent person, and unfortunately I'm not, then all you can do is try to avoid them. They'll get what's due to them one day.

 

[Saiti]

Yeah its definitely a factor. Ive experienced it like you and have read many news articles of of kids killing themselves for things like weight, looks, sexual identification, ect bullying. Imo, its alot easier to remember negative experiences/energy compared to positive because of how much it hurts. After awhile self hate and rejection from others will build up and make you want to end it all.

 

[Going Home]

I think the connection is bullies recruit others to join in on the bullying. Once they have their target isolated and make them feel as if they have no support the target gives up and takes their life. I think targets feels hopeless, especially when they asked for help and the bullying continues.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Those who experience bullying in various forms - how did this affect you? I think it strengthened my mental disorders, plunged into an endless state of depression and apathy, my self-esteem is lower than it can be imagined (and I consider it objective), I hated myself to physical pain and mocked myself for years, I became a misanthrope and a real sociopath, hated society to such an extent that it lost any ability to empathy and sympathy. I will remain a virgin for life (now I am 31) - this is my conscious choice, my libido is completely dead, my genes are also sick and they should never be passed on to anyone.

I was bullying by everybody and everywhere: at school, on the street, at the college, at home. Children, teachers, adults, my parents and I myself humiliated myself in various ways for years. But I myself was to blame for this: I was just seriously mentally ill, I have schizophrenia, was in terrible depression and anxiety, i was very weak physically (sometimes I felt so weak and bad that it was hard for me to walk), I had a myopia of -8 and I wore thick glasses. I hated myself, considered myself a bad person and genetic trash and that I must suffer. I was bullying in many different ways, I was beaten, several times broke bones, they urinated on me, broke my things, broke my glasses, forced me to eat earth and snow, doused with water and alcohol. The teachers saw it and did nothing, some teachers also humiliated me. I didn't say anything to my parents.

When your first bully is your parents, there is no safe place except for death. In my eyes anyway.

Hugs. Sounds like you had a horrific experience with bullying.

 

[Alan James]

Hugs. Sounds like you had a horrific experience with bullying.

Yes, but now I see that this was my fault as well. I hated myself and provoked them, behaved like a sociopath, hid everything from my parents (tried). Although my parents always didn't care about me, they didn't want to change school, they didn't believe in the existence of mental disorders and they never treated me.

The school system is a disaster.

 

[been_there]

Bullyings all about attempting control over others. In the old days they would get jobs that allowed them to do that, or just be petty criminals. These days they don't even have to do that, they kill people via social media. So every pathetic little twat can join in.

Provoking bullies isn't a bad thing, they're just scum after all. Provoking them just demonstrates your contempt and satisfaction that you're not them.

 

[not_a_robot]

is it possible for any of you to make contact with those who antagonised you at school and talk about it? some guy went semi-viral on YT contacting his old perpetrator and they turned out to have changed. would it make a difference?

In my experience people who bully as kids never really change as adults. They get crueler, more sophisticated, and better at hiding it.
People who try to befriend their bullies are just asking for more abuse.

Yes, but now I see that this was my fault as well. I hated myself and provoked them, behaved like a sociopath, hid everything from my parents (tried). Although my parents always didn't care about me, they didn't want to change school, they didn't believe in the existence of mental disorders and they never treated me.

The school system is a disaster.

The school system in America is working exactly as it was intended to.
It is not for education but for social engineering; designating which children will be allowed to succeed, by a brutal fight-club process.

 

[omoidarui]

In my experience people who bully as kids never really change as adults. They get crueler, more sophisticated, and better at hiding it.
People who try to befriend their bullies are just asking for more abuse.

unfortunately i would agree with the majority of cases, but not all. there might be some pleasant surprises. i was told off by my minder at high school for hanging out with one particular rebellious boy who she was afraid would influence me. she said of him, "he will probably end up unemployed, do you hear me?!".

all these years later he's now a teacher himself at a school in Taiwan and his LinkedIn profile just screams 'successful', hard to believe it was the same guy who used to deliberately set the fire alarms off at school and cause an evacuation

 

[been_there]

Everyone's Linkedin profile screams successful. The medium is the message.

 

[littlelady774]

I was bullied in middle school and high school by my so called "friends". Name calling, mean comments, etc.

I was so desperate to fit in so I just tolerated it. I denied it was bullying for the longest time. I just excused it as friends just giving one another a hard time and joking around.

In hindsight, I feel it was definitely mean spirited. I started crying about it randomly the other day. This was something that happened 10 years ago.

I sometimes wished I were homeschooled ... I feel I would've been a lot happier of a person than I am today.

 

[hypo666]

It was partly responsible I think for the mental illness I have suffered with since age 16. I like you was bullied severely and I also lived in an unhappy home with a mother who had terrible moodswings and a father who when he wasn't punishing me and my brother on orders from my mother was totally absent emotionally. The bullying contributed to me placing myself in a vunerable position when I was ten years old,with two older boys who sexually abused me. I wanted to be with the 'cool kids' and be protected you see,be liked etc etc. I now suffer with terrible anger at myself and the human race in general, such self loathing I cannot begin to express and anxiety that never goes. I also suffer with paranoia at times ,am a poor sleeper. I have a myriad of problems now. I often fantasise about revenge and have extremely dark thoughts .

I do think not only the bullying was damaging but also adults reactions to it. It was minimised and I was blamed for being 'sensitive', my parents despite their own shortcomings did go up the school about it, but it wasn't taken seriously by teachers. Including the time a bully pushed me into a metal clothes peg at school cracking my head open and requiring stitches, or the other time my ear drum was burst by a plastic cricket ball thrown at my head. I told my parents about the sexual abuse ,but not the full extent, and I was actually believed even by the lads parents which says alot ,but my parents were told that if it went on six months I must not have minded it that much.... back then things were dealt with differently and me and my brother was just forbidden from going round a certain house to play ever again.

Looking back now I remember some of the bullies parents and it's pretty obvious where they got it from,the parents seemed rather sociopathic and pigheaded.

I used years ago to be a gentle quite non violent person,not an angry person, and what hurts me more than anything is how I have changed, I allowed those bullies to infect me. I may not prey on the weak, but I have a horrendous temper and I despise myself so much. I in the end did 'stick up for myself' with bullies I met violence with more severe violence and yes afterwards no one ever touched me again... but it was a bit late. , and because of the risk I have insight about I have to isolate myself because one day I feel I could kill somebody.

 

[Painted Bird]

Being bullied is a horrifying thing. If if it's not bad enough to make you ctb it will probably scar you for life anyway. That's also my case.