I'm so happy you made this thread. In my honest opinion, by the age of 14 a girl has reached young womanhood. our culture typically developmentally delays young women by denying them this rite of passage, other cultures do acknowledge it although not always in the healthiest ways (hazing rituals, forced marriage etc, of course I disagree with these), anyway, this is just a physiological truth. You've largely seen her into young adulthood, and that is one hell of an accomplishment right there. of course, I wouldn't go as far as saying she doesn't still need you, but she is at the age where naturally, she will be seeking other relationships and your relationship to her as a parent is naturally weakening anyway. If I could make it to the point where my youngest is 13, I would consider that a huge accomplishment.
Mine are young like Garbage Person's, aged 2, 4 and 8. A big reason for my wanting to CTB is unhappiness in my relationship with their dad. I'm trying to monkey branch my way into a better situation but it is proving to be a very uncertain and perilous circumstance, it has been several months now and I still haven't secured a situation that I can live with, but nevertheless I am still trying to make something else work out, but I still just feel so horrible all the time, I'm in a really horrific limbo and something has got to give, hopefully it won't be my life. I still browse this site and google "buy SN" in my country because the thought of CTB brings me so much comfort, and the strength to see through a situation that I find highly disappointing and frightening overall.
oddly enough, one of my biggest reasons for sticking around, is to make sure my children aren't force vaccinated or subjected to medical traumas like I was as a child, at the hands of profiteering doctors. My father was severely injured by a vaccine he received in 2018 and our genocidal government is a pubic hair away from legally mandating them for school aged children, and I know without me here to stand in the gap, they might be injected with literal genocide juice, that is how sick and evil this society has become.
Because my kids are still so young, CTB is basically out of the question on moral grounds for me, but it is still a huge preoccupation and part of my life and psyche that I need to cling to in order to just mentally cope and get by. I have set a sanctuary age for a time in the future as a plan B if my present suffering does not resolve.
Right now giving my kids the protection I didn't necessarily have growing up, and making sure they are not damaged by genocidal clown world, is my biggest priority, it's bigger than my own suffering and bigger than my own life. This depression I'm in is worse than I could have ever imagine my life turning out, every day I'm just totally imprisoned by it, there is nothing I would love more than to say bottoms up to eternity in a glass... There is nothing I would like to do more than convulse and struggle like an animal caught in a snare. But knowing what the enemies of my nation have planned for it's children, I'm in a complete and total double bind. No one else can protect them, not even their father. I'm it. It's me or nobody. And that is a hard pill to swallow.
I am emotionally destroyed by the loss of the 11 year relationship, and terrified about the financial future.
It sounds like we are in very similar boats, actually. As I mentioned I have 3 kids in a similar age range, from 2 to 8, and it is just so, so difficult for a woman in her 30's with children to start over. I never would attempt it if my situation was even slightly bearable. I hate my husband for emotionally traumatizing me to the point where I find even being around him triggers the trauma, I can't stand it anymore and it really is all his fault. God as my fucking witness, I was loyal and tried my damndest to make it work. For months and months I BEGGED him to treat me a certain way, and he seemed to find a lot of amusement in doing the opposite, and holding out on my needs.... This last postpartum was the final straw. The things he put me through at my weakest, I will never forget. Now that he senses I am out of love he wants me to forgive and forget but that's not going to happen. The way he experienced what he did to me and the way I experienced it are two different things. He thinks it should be possible for me to kiss and make up, but the thought of him touching me even repulses me. I truly hate him now. And I hope someday my kids will forgive me for the broken home. But ultimately, it wasn't what I wanted, I did everything I could to avoid it, but at the end of the day a person can only take so much crap.
