I have been dating my current boyfriend for around a month and a half as of today. He is decidedly a bit more crunchy than I am so, on our first date we went hiking. I am a college student and he is a farmer who lives in the country. It was relatively nice, though a bit awkward, but we we were outside and he brought his dog so at least we had an activity. Through our conversations, he eventually began to talk about his ex girlfriend. This is when he told me that his ex girlfriend used to live with him and how much they had done each other, and at the time I did feel slightly weird about it but I liked him I though, so I just let it go. On that date, I think he was aware that he was talking a bit much about her and he apologized and I don't remember everything but upon revisiting texts from my friend I said on the day of our first date "it is rlly obvious that he misses his ex gf..". He then, surprisingly after not really asking me any questions on our first date, said that I had beautiful energy, loved the smell that I left in the car, and said that I was physically attractive and we planned our next date for the next week. On that date, we went hiking again and this time he didn't really mention his girlfriend very much until I asked him more of his farming lifestyle. He began farming as a joint partnership with his ex- girlfriend, so it was relevant to bring her up then, and the fact that they built some structures on his land together -- so no worries at all with that. However, it was quite clear that whenever he mentioned her he was quite wistful for what could've been. I didn't dwell on it too long, and we continued hiking and smoking until we were ready to go. We left, hooked up, and grabbed a bite before he dropped me off again. The next day he texted me that he had a good time, and over the course of the week -- proclaimed that he desired to have me live with him on his farm, if I were willing to take shrooms with him, and that he loved me.
After knowing me for two weeks, he was texting me almost daily with poems, freestyles (yes he would send me freestyle videos of professing his love), his desire for me to live with him and farm, and that he loved me. In retrospect, I know that this is classic lovebombing, but as a deeply insecure person this, admittedly, made me feel really good, and though I did not reciprocate all of those feelings, I definitely did not request him to stop talking about it. On our next date, we went hiking, again -- and this is when we began to exchange about our lives' ledgers and this is when he began to discuss quite a bit more about his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, they met on a rail trail , they travelled cross country together in his van together, they farmed and built structures together, smoked a lot of weed, they had an extremely deep connection, and subsequently she blocked him on many platforms and he is no longer able to get in touch with her. He passionately and carefully described the relationship with me, that I, again, in my like of him brushed off as "relevant" to the conversation but in reading a text from a friend of that day I mentioned, "Yes, he talked about his ex again, but I understand since it was relevant to the conversation" though it did hurt. After that date, the next time we communicated was through facetime -- where I then attempted to cease our dating. Not for him talking about his ex-girlfriend all the time, but because I believed we were very different people and wanted different things. He is a farmer and wanted me to live with him and farm whereas I am a college student and from the city. He then accepted that. Texted me a yin and yang picture and that "opposites attract". Facetimed me that being different is beautiful, and actually asked me to be his girlfriend. As a the young, insecure, love-starved person I am -- I accepted. And, we began to officially date... for a a day and a half.
The next day, he facetimed me and he began to to talk about his ex-girlfriend yet again. He then began to cry about the demise of their relationship telling me that his neighbor is her uncle and he has that link to her and that her family "poisoned her mind" because he doesn't have a typical lifestyle. I listened to this, and I finally realized, that he was still very much harbored deep intense feelings for her. Why was he telling me that his neighbor was her uncle? Why was he telling me that she sent him a middle finger snapchat photo? Why was he telling me that her family poisoned her mind and that's why the broke up? It really hurt me hearing this, especially from someone, who asked me to be their girlfriend the day prior. I then hung up the phone after his tirade, I told him he is still hung up on his ex and I don't respond to any of his pleas to talk again. He texts me the following day, that he wants to build a life with me, apologizes and blames it on his drinking that night, and instead of acknowledging his fixation of talking about his ex he reframes it as as stating that I was right about the way she is treating him and that she's just looking for attention. As if my problem was her apparent mistreatment of him rather than his obsessive talking about her to me, he proclaims his love for me and says that he wants to be in a relationship with me. I text him that he is very obviously still hung on his ex, that I wish him the best in figuring stuff out with her, and then I block him on instagram, snapchat, and on phone. The next day, he makes a new phone number and calls me from that number and dimwittedly, I do answer, we have a verbal conversation about it where he tries to explain that his speaking about his ex girlfriend was just his way open to me. I argue that one should not be that open especially to a new relationship and he tells me that I am just operating according to society's rules because I have been institutionalized and he is speaking from the heart without care about apparent do's or don'ts. I keep trying to explain, that I am not willing to be in a relationship with someone who has strong feelings towards an ex of theirs and I encourage him to follow things up with him, because it very obviously seems like that's what he needs to do. He still proclaims that he loves me, and finally I end the call. However, he did not respect my wish to cease from talking and he continued to text me that he wants to do everything for this relationship. and that he has nothing but love for this. He calls me again, and this time we have a more abrasive and truthful conversation.
Sometime in the call, we became almost comedic about the situation and I mention that I am bisexual, and after that phone call -- he texts me "would you date me and [his ex-gf]". I know that we were being comedic during that call, but I feel like that was very insensitive and it rlly hurt my feelings so I responded, "yes, if I had no self respect". And he responds, but why wouldnt you date me as if he and I did not have, now unfortunately, multiple calls about the problem and I reiterated that he is still obsessed with his ex, and he responds no, he is obsessed with me, and that he loves me. He again asserts that he wants me to live with him, that he wants to get married to me 'in due time", and finally I had enough. So, I stopped responding. He then texts me last night a song where it features someone talking about their ex and it goes "just stunting on my ex". Though, the message is saying that they are over their ex in the song, I think it is again, insensitive, to send a song like to me when that was the problem, so, having enough and feeling disrespected, I sent him photos of me and my date I had that day and told him "Yes, haha that is quite the funny song, check out these photos of me and my date... probably not as cool as you and your ex though". I acknowledge that was very petty, but I was hurt and wanted to do something to make him leave me alone. He doesnt take the hint, he still proclaims that he loves me and that I am beautiful and I havent texted him back since
I have found his ex girlfriend's page and she's everything he wants in a girl. she's white. shes also crunchy. shes pretty. shes into farming. shes cool. im black. im ugly. im not crunchy. this has brought up all of the same feelings of inadequacy ive always felt, and it fucking sucks.
After knowing me for two weeks, he was texting me almost daily with poems, freestyles (yes he would send me freestyle videos of professing his love), his desire for me to live with him and farm, and that he loved me. In retrospect, I know that this is classic lovebombing, but as a deeply insecure person this, admittedly, made me feel really good, and though I did not reciprocate all of those feelings, I definitely did not request him to stop talking about it. On our next date, we went hiking, again -- and this is when we began to exchange about our lives' ledgers and this is when he began to discuss quite a bit more about his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, they met on a rail trail , they travelled cross country together in his van together, they farmed and built structures together, smoked a lot of weed, they had an extremely deep connection, and subsequently she blocked him on many platforms and he is no longer able to get in touch with her. He passionately and carefully described the relationship with me, that I, again, in my like of him brushed off as "relevant" to the conversation but in reading a text from a friend of that day I mentioned, "Yes, he talked about his ex again, but I understand since it was relevant to the conversation" though it did hurt. After that date, the next time we communicated was through facetime -- where I then attempted to cease our dating. Not for him talking about his ex-girlfriend all the time, but because I believed we were very different people and wanted different things. He is a farmer and wanted me to live with him and farm whereas I am a college student and from the city. He then accepted that. Texted me a yin and yang picture and that "opposites attract". Facetimed me that being different is beautiful, and actually asked me to be his girlfriend. As a the young, insecure, love-starved person I am -- I accepted. And, we began to officially date... for a a day and a half.
The next day, he facetimed me and he began to to talk about his ex-girlfriend yet again. He then began to cry about the demise of their relationship telling me that his neighbor is her uncle and he has that link to her and that her family "poisoned her mind" because he doesn't have a typical lifestyle. I listened to this, and I finally realized, that he was still very much harbored deep intense feelings for her. Why was he telling me that his neighbor was her uncle? Why was he telling me that she sent him a middle finger snapchat photo? Why was he telling me that her family poisoned her mind and that's why the broke up? It really hurt me hearing this, especially from someone, who asked me to be their girlfriend the day prior. I then hung up the phone after his tirade, I told him he is still hung up on his ex and I don't respond to any of his pleas to talk again. He texts me the following day, that he wants to build a life with me, apologizes and blames it on his drinking that night, and instead of acknowledging his fixation of talking about his ex he reframes it as as stating that I was right about the way she is treating him and that she's just looking for attention. As if my problem was her apparent mistreatment of him rather than his obsessive talking about her to me, he proclaims his love for me and says that he wants to be in a relationship with me. I text him that he is very obviously still hung on his ex, that I wish him the best in figuring stuff out with her, and then I block him on instagram, snapchat, and on phone. The next day, he makes a new phone number and calls me from that number and dimwittedly, I do answer, we have a verbal conversation about it where he tries to explain that his speaking about his ex girlfriend was just his way open to me. I argue that one should not be that open especially to a new relationship and he tells me that I am just operating according to society's rules because I have been institutionalized and he is speaking from the heart without care about apparent do's or don'ts. I keep trying to explain, that I am not willing to be in a relationship with someone who has strong feelings towards an ex of theirs and I encourage him to follow things up with him, because it very obviously seems like that's what he needs to do. He still proclaims that he loves me, and finally I end the call. However, he did not respect my wish to cease from talking and he continued to text me that he wants to do everything for this relationship. and that he has nothing but love for this. He calls me again, and this time we have a more abrasive and truthful conversation.
Sometime in the call, we became almost comedic about the situation and I mention that I am bisexual, and after that phone call -- he texts me "would you date me and [his ex-gf]". I know that we were being comedic during that call, but I feel like that was very insensitive and it rlly hurt my feelings so I responded, "yes, if I had no self respect". And he responds, but why wouldnt you date me as if he and I did not have, now unfortunately, multiple calls about the problem and I reiterated that he is still obsessed with his ex, and he responds no, he is obsessed with me, and that he loves me. He again asserts that he wants me to live with him, that he wants to get married to me 'in due time", and finally I had enough. So, I stopped responding. He then texts me last night a song where it features someone talking about their ex and it goes "just stunting on my ex". Though, the message is saying that they are over their ex in the song, I think it is again, insensitive, to send a song like to me when that was the problem, so, having enough and feeling disrespected, I sent him photos of me and my date I had that day and told him "Yes, haha that is quite the funny song, check out these photos of me and my date... probably not as cool as you and your ex though". I acknowledge that was very petty, but I was hurt and wanted to do something to make him leave me alone. He doesnt take the hint, he still proclaims that he loves me and that I am beautiful and I havent texted him back since
I have found his ex girlfriend's page and she's everything he wants in a girl. she's white. shes also crunchy. shes pretty. shes into farming. shes cool. im black. im ugly. im not crunchy. this has brought up all of the same feelings of inadequacy ive always felt, and it fucking sucks.
