Venting broke my fast and ended up cutting

[underscore]

this shit is taking over my life. all i can think abt is food & i feel 20lbs heavier than before i ate (obviously not true) but im still dehydrated & now in a hell of a lot more pain. already started planning my next liquid fast. i cant enjoy shit like i used to its all about my next fucking meal and i wish it was easy as flipping a switch 2 shut off my brain. i think im growing addicted or smth and my friends think i look great while my close friends are worried abt me. theres no pleasing everyone but somehow im still the hardest 2 please
terrified that my ma will ship me off to the hospital bc shes already voiced her suspicion. how tf do it make it less obvious to the ppl who see me every day when i hardly feel in control of myself ??

 

[WorthlessCoward]

And this is why starving to death is one of the worst suicide methods, the one with the highest rate of failure and literally the easiest to "back out" from

 

[FuneralCry]

Starvation sounds like such an unbearable suicide method that is pretty much impossible to go through with especially if one lives with other people.

 

[thisiswhoiam-]

Sorry not sure how to help you. For me starving is way worse than drowning, and even drowning is nearly impossible with willpower alone, people force themselves and fall in the water drunk or tie themselves etc. This is a horrible method.

 

[underscore]

yall i never said i was tryna ctb with this. not sure if there was somewhere better to put this than suicide discussion? but i chose the venting tag over method bc this isnt an attempt, i have an ed. srry for the confusion
^^should this sort of thing just go on my profile posts instead?

 

[Mimi_]

I starved myself for a long time, I reached a very low weight. All you will experience is sickness and pain, yet it will be so addictive. Personally, everything changed the day I allowed myself to eat a little more than usual. It just went out of control. I used to do so well, fast for weeks, but it's all over now. It belongs to the past. I just want to eat without ever stopping. Know that you can't starve yourself forever. You will either die or develop bulimia/bed. If you want to lose weight, do it with a slight calorie deficit. Believe me, once you totally lose control and regain some of the fat, all you know is desperation. Every day is suffering, you will never be satisfied, even if you had enough, nothing would satisfy your hunger. Yes, it truly is pure agony. The kind that would make you want to die and escape this hell.

 

[inviernos]

i have an ed too, i understand how you feel. the pure disappointment and flowing of hatred in your mind when you break a fast because of whatever happened around you. i hope your next fast is successful <3

 

[aubrey!]

I starved myself for a long time, I reached a very low weight. All you will experience is sickness and pain, yet it will be so addictive. Personally, everything changed the day I allowed myself to eat a little more than usual. It just went out of control. I used to do so well, fast for weeks, but it's all over now. It belongs to the past. I just want to eat without ever stopping. Know that you can't starve yourself forever. You will either die or develop bulimia/bed. If you want to lose weight, do it with a slight calorie deficit. Believe me, once you totally lose control and regain some of the fat, all you know is desperation. Every day is suffering, you will never be satisfied, even if you had enough, nothing would satisfy your hunger. Yes, it truly is pure agony. The kind that would make you want to die and escape this hell.

aha yeah, i'm still supposedly quite a bit under but i feel so fat. i grew up typically eating once every other day, often times pushing a week without eating. when i'm feeling abnormally down i still starve myself a bit more, but normally i find myself having to eat at least once a day. and since then i've gained a couple pounds at the same height. at my lowest at this height i was about 110lb, but i'm now 120ish. i kinda wanna lose weight again, because even though it's supposed to be better for me physically, mentally it really does not feel great gaining 10lbs without growing even if over the past couple years.