Help BPD Recovery

[Koaster97]

Hi,

Is there anyone here I can talk to that is recovering or in recovery for bpd? Most of the friends I have made with the disorder are not in therapy or anything so I just want to know if there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel that any of you have made it to? It is just so hard now, my symptoms have gotten so bad recently I just cannot be functional consistently for a single day anymore and my impulses to hurt myself are getting so bad.

thank you I hope everyone is well

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Hi,
It never really goes away, but you can learn to manage it. It takes time and effort, some days shit happens and it takes weeks to recover. You just need to accept that.
DBT Therapy failed spectacularly for me, regular talk therapy helps, and lots of exercise (walking and cycling a couple of hours a day). I refused medication because I am unwilling to pay the cost in side effects for very elusive benefits.
I still hurt myself on occasion. I'd rather not, but accept that it may happen.
You'll be ok, eventually; but you have to make that conscious decision every day.

 

[Koaster97]

Hi,
It never really goes away, but you can learn to manage it. It takes time and effort, some days shit happens and it takes weeks to recover. You just need to accept that.
DBT Therapy failed spectacularly for me, regular talk therapy helps, and lots of exercise (walking and cycling a couple of hours a day). I refused medication because I am unwilling to pay the cost in side effects for very elusive benefits.
I still hurt myself on occasion. I'd rather not, but accept that it may happen.
You'll be ok, eventually; but you have to make that conscious decision every day.

I've been trying things like exercising, I'm actually in very good shape. I have a lot of friends I talk to and am close with most of my family, I eat well drink water... I've been in therapy and things but not consistently but these last few months have been so awful. Like actually unbearable, I have never felt so low my dissociation has been crazy, I feel so empty some days I genuinely cannot get out of bed. I went through a really embarrassing break up last year around October and it's been downhill since but I've managed to avoid self harm mostly because of other people and now my mother has cancer so it's just been a mental disaster. The loneliness gets too much no matter how close I am to my friends I always have to hold back from sharing the absolute depths of my despair and even from my care team because I don't want to end up in hospital. The only thing that stops me from self harm is disappointing people it isn't intrinsic at all it's just so hard and the auditory hallucinations are starting to come back.... I am so lost and so alone and I thought that telling the girl who broke my heart to stop messaging me would help but my dissociation is getting worse. I really am hoping this new therapy I start helps but I've been going to this group session where people are in their 30s telling me they struggle with things I'm struggling with now and I wonder is there any road to recovery? Nobody wants to feel the way we feel constantly it's just not possible, I'm trying hard not to but I just don't know anymore. It's getting harder to mask too... I'm scared

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Just keep in mind "this too shall pass". I'm sorry to read your difficulties. It's hard.
When I need to vent I call the Samaritans. They help insofar as they listen, but that's all they can do. I'm lucky to have a couple of friends I can rely on to not go apeshit when overshare...
I wouldn't worry too much about hospital (unless you have comorbidities): it's known not to be helpful for pwBPD, so other than cooling off for a few days you won't be stuck there too long (at least UK and Ireland.
Look, it sucks. And it'll be hard for a number of years yet. I'm close to 50 and only beginning to be able to deal with it, and I'm blessed with the supports I have.