Help BPD Infatuations

[BPD_LE]

I'm looking to chat with someone who understands what this feels like. Anyone out there who jumps from one infatuation to another? People in your life who you become obsessed with. Not talking about partners but other people, doctors, teachers etc. I have a long history of this, always ends in massive distress. Can anyone relate? Thanks.

 

[Sharethepain]

I have an obsession with my ex-girlfriend, the one and only. It's actually 500th day after our second break-up today, does this convey obsession well?

I do most likely have BPD as well, I do check out 90 % of the things in it, but was never officialy diagnosed, but all the doctors I talked to didn't seem to argue with it when I brought up that I might have this exact disorder, so I just assume that its semi-official diagnosis.

Anyways to your point, I have never been actually able to obsess over anyone but her, everything is a mere background noise in this world, everything is just a plain canvas, and she is the masterpiece upon it, I can't see, hear, or think anything but her.

It does cause a lot of distress nonethless though, I dream of her every single day, and hardly ever is it pleasant, although at least that's the only place I can see her I suppose. I do somewhat wish I could be infatuated with someone else sometimes, but then the BPD kicks in and I know I can never let go.

 

[BPD_LE]

I can't see, hear, or think anything but her.
It does cause a lot of distress nonethless though, I dream of her every single day, and hardly ever is it pleasant, although at least that's the only place I can see her I suppose.

Thanks for your reply. I can definitely relate to some of your post. It's an all consuming need to be with the person. Daydreaming. Then reality hits and bam, the pain is bad. My love is too much, too intense, it kills me.

 

[BPD_LE]

I really need someone to talk to about this because my latest infatuation is bad and a big motivator in ctb. My behaviour towards this person is escalating. Let me just say that I'm very honest about this. I hate to use the words manipulation and attention seeking because of the negative stereotypes associated with my condition. But I am manipulating this person to get a feeling of love from them or at the least care. I do it out of desperation and anxiety, not out of malice or an attempt to harm or upset the person. I want to ctb because I'm fed up of this. I'm worried my honesty here may be judged too. Just to say this is how BPD manifests itself in me, not everyone. Thanks for reading.

 

[Rachel74]

I really need someone to talk to about this because my latest infatuation is bad and a big motivator in ctb. My behaviour towards this person is escalating. Let me just say that I'm very honest about this. I hate to use the words manipulation and attention seeking because of the negative stereotypes associated with my condition. But I am manipulating this person to get a feeling of love from them or at the least care. I do it out of desperation and anxiety, not out of malice or an attempt to harm or upset the person. I want to ctb because I'm fed up of this. I'm worried my honesty here may be judged too. Just to say this is how BPD manifests itself in me, not everyone. Thanks for reading.

I have done this and I guess I still do. Happy to chat to you about it and how I cope xx

 

[hadenoughthanks]

I'm looking to chat with someone who understands what this feels like. Anyone out there who jumps from one infatuation to another? People in your life who you become obsessed with. Not talking about partners but other people, doctors, teachers etc. I have a long history of this, always ends in massive distress. Can anyone relate? Thanks.

I recently got diagnosed too xx
Willing to chat.. this disorder is exhausting

 

[Sweet emotion]

I really need someone to talk to about this because my latest infatuation is bad and a big motivator in ctb. My behaviour towards this person is escalating. Let me just say that I'm very honest about this. I hate to use the words manipulation and attention seeking because of the negative stereotypes associated with my condition. But I am manipulating this person to get a feeling of love from them or at the least care. I do it out of desperation and anxiety, not out of malice or an attempt to harm or upset the person. I want to ctb because I'm fed up of this. I'm worried my honesty here may be judged too. Just to say this is how BPD manifests itself in me, not everyone. Thanks for reading.

My friend who lives in England thinks she has bipolar diorder. She says it's very had getting help in England for your mental state. But I'm going to tell you some of the things she goes through. She will become fixated on a celebrity for a while. She is married but she met a guy on line and she flew all the way to NY to sleep with him even though she is married. He stood her up and she just wound up walking the streets for about four days. She's very impulsive and has a childlike sense of thinking. She isn't capable of making good sensible decisions. Sometimes she feels invincible and then others she hates herself and cried all the time. Sometime I want to shake her when I hear the things she does but I know it's not her fault. But she is against taking medication for it. I don't understand why. She says she is miserable but she doesn't want to change anything about he life to make it better. The last I heard from her, she and her husband are getting a divorce. He got sick if her childish behavior and her mood swings. They haven't slept together in years. And she's been looking for company with other guys on the internet. She does some incredibly dangerous things that puts her life at risk.

 

[BPD_LE]

My friend who lives in England thinks she has bipolar diorder. She says it's very had getting help in England for your mental state. But I'm going to tell you some of the things she goes through. She will become fixated on a celebrity for a while. She is married but she met a guy on line and she flew all the way to NY to sleep with him even though she is married. He stood her up and she just wound up walking the streets for about four days. She's very impulsive and has a childlike sense of thinking. She isn't capable of making good sensible decisions. Sometimes she feels invincible and then others she hates herself and cried all the time. Sometime I want to shake her when I hear the things she does but I know it's not her fault. But she is against taking medication for it. I don't understand why. She says she is miserable but she doesn't want to change anything about he life to make it better. The last I heard from her, she and her husband are getting a divorce. He got sick if her childish behavior and her mood swings. They haven't slept together in years. And she's been looking for company with other guys on the internet. She does some incredibly dangerous things that puts her life at risk.

Obviously I don't know her, but from what you have described, my opinion would be that she has BPD like myself. When I was younger I was obsessed with celebrities too. I also have a partner, but that doesn't stop the infatuations with others. It's like a roller-coaster of a life. My best friends reckless behaviour (also diagnosed BPD) got her killed. I hope your friend does get help, although I'm afraid to say, it may not actually help. I've had 20 years of therapy for this condition and I'm still suffering.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Obviously I don't know her, but from what you have described, my opinion would be that she has BPD like myself. When I was younger I was obsessed with celebrities too. I also have a partner, but that doesn't stop the infatuations with others. It's like a roller-coaster of a life. My best friends reckless behaviour (also diagnosed BPD) got her killed. I hope your friend does get help, although I'm afraid to say, it may not actually help. I've had 20 years of therapy for this condition and I'm still suffering.

I'm not actually friends with her anymore. I'm dealing with something serious and when I try to talk with her about it or how we can help her she gives me these silly little answers and dismisses the problem. I've never met her personally. But since we both have such bad issues it's hard for either one if us to be a good friend.

 

[wildmoon]

I really need someone to talk to about this because my latest infatuation is bad and a big motivator in ctb. My behaviour towards this person is escalating. Let me just say that I'm very honest about this. I hate to use the words manipulation and attention seeking because of the negative stereotypes associated with my condition. But I am manipulating this person to get a feeling of love from them or at the least care. I do it out of desperation and anxiety, not out of malice or an attempt to harm or upset the person. I want to ctb because I'm fed up of this. I'm worried my honesty here may be judged too. Just to say this is how BPD manifests itself in me, not everyone. Thanks for reading.

*hugs* You are not alone and do not feel embarrassed.

I have had that before. Mine were usually non romantic and with well known people who seemed to display things I wish I had.

Seems like it is common!
"It's a charactoristic of the disorder. A person idealizes another based on a few behaviors observed over a short period of time. Those behaviors usually are interrupted as expressions of genuine care over and beyond what they'd do for anyone else. At the same time, those behaviors fill an emptiness within themselves that they are looking to be satiated.

People with BPD have an insatiable need to feel loved. They like attention just like the next person only, unlike narcs or psychos, they do not discard and have more intense passion (whereas the other two lack empathy for the most part).

Why does this attachment happen so quickly? Well I have found that generally, Borderlines are kind of an open book. They often don't have very strong boundaries and share too much, commit before fully analyzing the person who admires them, and latch on for fear of abandonment. It is a trait they can move away from by developing boundaries, practicing self-love and learning to respect personal autonomy."

 

[GreyMonkey]

I display some of the traits of BPD to some degree.

What I am coming to understand is that it's largely an attachment disorder. Incomplete attachment with caregivers early in life had me develop strong anxiety in my attachment and low capacity for emotional regulation when connecting with someone I become attached to.

I can get really attached to women I like and I take rejection incredibly hard. And when in relationship I can be so needy and emotionally disruptive.

What I realise is that I basically project the unhealed wound of my relationship to my mum and dad onto my partner's and then just become that wounded child again.

The woman I'm with then isn't really herself to my child mind, she is my mum and dad. And of course that means I am abandoned by her.

I think bpd, and majority of mental issues, are attachment dysfunctions, I.e. childhood abuse. So it makes total sense that one behaves childlike, because emotionally one still is a child.

Regular talk therapy, especially if it's mostly cognitive based, can do little in the way of touching and healing these wounds. Much more skill, care and relationally is needed on the part of the therapist.

I do believe this stuff can be healed though.

 

[BPD_LE]

*hugs* You are not alone and do not feel embarrassed.

I have had that before. Mine were usually non romantic and with well known people who seemed to display things I wish I had.

Seems like it is common!
"It's a charactoristic of the disorder. A person idealizes another based on a few behaviors observed over a short period of time. Those behaviors usually are interrupted as expressions of genuine care over and beyond what they'd do for anyone else. At the same time, those behaviors fill an emptiness within themselves that they are looking to be satiated.

People with BPD have an insatiable need to feel loved. They like attention just like the next person only, unlike narcs or psychos, they do not discard and have more intense passion (whereas the other two lack empathy for the most part).

Why does this attachment happen so quickly? Well I have found that generally, Borderlines are kind of an open book. They often don't have very strong boundaries and share too much, commit before fully analyzing the person who admires them, and latch on for fear of abandonment. It is a trait they can move away from by developing boundaries, practicing self-love and learning to respect personal autonomy."

This is a very insightful comment and describes my issue perfectly. Thank you. Do you know of any solutions?

What I realise is that I basically project the unhealed wound of my relationship to my mum and dad onto my partner's and then just become that wounded child again.

The woman I'm with then isn't really herself to my child mind, she is my mum and dad. And of course that means I am abandoned by her.

Yes, I get this. My doctors etc. Are my mother in my mind and I'm trying to get the love I obviously feel I didn't get.

I do believe this stuff can be healed though.

How? I've been treated for 20 years. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR and every psych med you can think of.

 

[3dworldsucks]

to blond anime girls, yes.

 

[BPD_LE]

This current infatuation problem has escalated again this morning and I'm interpreting rejection. I realise this is very BPD of me but I've not had it this bad for many years. It's like I've gone backwards. I just want to kill myself because it's too much. I'm sick of ducking and diving, moving and hiding. It's a big fucked up game that will end in my death. I've got crisis team in dangerous distance and my CPN wants me in hospital. Hospital will not help me. I only see CTB as the viable option. I can't do this anymore.

 

[GreyMonkey]

How? I've been treated for 20 years. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR and every psych med you can think of.

The problem with all those therapeutic modalities, and medications, is that none of it is relational.

The BPD wounds (and all complex trauma issues) are relational wounds... thinking we can heal it outside of the context of relationship is a little bit crazy really, and demonstrates the greater psychopathology of our society.

I think that these kind of issues can only be resolved relationally, only interpersonal therapies with skilled therapists who provide a safe space for the attachment wounds to surface and process are gonna be able to get at this in any meaningful way.

Modalities like NARM and somatic experiencing are ones that I find useful.

We need to be guided, through patient and consistent attention, to reattach to ourselves.

What this means is that our child consciousness, which is the hijacked primitive parts of the brain (amagdalya, brain stem, etc) needs to be soothed enough so the adult consciousness (frontal cortex) can come back online. Medication can't do it. Trying to change our thoughts ala CBT can't do it. Learning emotional regulation techniques, ala DBT can't do it. Watching a flashing light move back and forth, ala EMDR, can't do it... I don't believe. They may help us cope and manage enough to somewhat function in life... yet I don't think it can heal what is wounded.

When triggered we go into survival states, which when prolonged become horrifyingly incapacitating and eventually lead to suicidal ideation, and if prolonged long enough, suicidal attempts... and finally death.

I believe the need to kill ourselves is very much clutching at the last straws to shut this flashing survival alarm in our head off.

Fortunately neuroplasticity says our brains can change and be healed given the right stimulus.The unfortunate aspect is in finding those skilled enough to hope us do it.

 

[BPD_LE]

The problem with all those therapeutic modalities, and medications, is that none of it is relational.

The BPD wounds (and all complex trauma issues) are relational wounds... thinking we can heal it outside of the context of relationship is a little bit crazy really, and demonstrates the greater psychopathology of our society.

I think that these kind of issues can only be resolved relationally, only interpersonal therapies with skilled therapists who provide a safe space for the attachment wounds to surface and process are gonna be able to get at this in any meaningful way.

Modalities like NARM and somatic experiencing are ones that I find useful.

We need to be guided, through patient and consistent attention, to reattach to ourselves.

What this means is that our child consciousness, which is the hijacked primitive parts of the brain (amagdalya, brain stem, etc) needs to be soothed enough so the adult consciousness (frontal cortex) can come back online. Medication can't do it. Trying to change our thoughts ala CBT can't do it. Learning emotional regulation techniques, ala DBT can't do it. Watching a flashing light move back and forth, ala EMDR, can't do it... I don't believe. They may help us cope and manage enough to somewhat function in life... yet I don't think it can heal what is wounded.

When triggered we go into survival states, which when prolonged become horrifyingly incapacitating and eventually lead to suicidal ideation, and if prolonged long enough, suicidal attempts... and finally death.

I believe the need to kill ourselves is very much clutching at the last straws to shut this flashing survival alarm in our head off.

Fortunately neuroplasticity says our brains can change and be healed given the right stimulus.The unfortunate aspect is in finding those skilled enough to hope us do it.

Thank you. Yes I agree all the therapies I've been given will not work. I'm not familiar with the other ones you've mentioned, but I will research when I'm up to it.
So do you think that the only way is to have a successful interpersonal attachment in the area the person is struggling with? Eg. Mother figure? Forgive me, my emotions are heightened at the moment so I will reread your comments when I'm back at baseline. I've had mental health workers try and do that but I burn them out and of course they move jobs eventually. One kept in contact for a while after she retired but I wasn't intensely attached to her.

 

[GreyMonkey]

Thank you. Yes I agree all the therapies I've been given will not work. I'm not familiar with the other ones you've mentioned, but I will research when I'm up to it.
So do you think that the only way is to have a successful interpersonal attachment in the area the person is struggling with? Eg. Mother figure? Forgive me, my emotions are heightened at the moment so I will reread your comments when I'm back at baseline. I've had mental health workers try and do that but I burn them out and of course they move jobs eventually. One kept in contact for a while after she retired but I wasn't intensely attached to her.

No I'm not certain that what is needed is a surrogate attachment figure.

Rather what is needed is a skilful modelling of secure attachment that guides ones attachment back to oneself.

NARM is a model that, I am coming to believe, effectively does so.

And no worries, take your time in response. Ask whatever you like and I'll help as best as I can.

 

[Final Escape]

I've had this problem my whole life it's why I'm forever alone lol!

This current infatuation problem has escalated again this morning and I'm interpreting rejection. I realise this is very BPD of me but I've not had it this bad for many years. It's like I've gone backwards. I just want to kill myself because it's too much. I'm sick of ducking and diving, moving and hiding. It's a big fucked up game that will end in my death. I've got crisis team in dangerous distance and my CPN wants me in hospital. Hospital will not help me. I only see CTB as the viable option. I can't do this anymore.

God I so relate to this. It's been devastating to have these type of issues. I agree at 42 im
Still in same boat it doesn't improve without therapy I don't think. Some type of therapy.

 

[BPD_LE]

Still in same boat it doesn't improve without therapy I don't think. Some type of therapy.

Have you had any therapy? @Final Escape


@GreyMonkey So I read up a bit on NARM. It's interesting. Seems to be mindfulness based like DBT, concerned with how you feel now rather than a psychotherapy model. I've always been told it's unhelpful to go over childhood trauma, do you agree? I don't understand how I can move forward without it being acknowledged and validated.

 

[Final Escape]

No I feel unable to stick with any therapy long enough. I would probably have to be held for many months for any therapy to work. It's the classic problem of access and affordability when you're already poor.

 

[GreyMonkey]

@GreyMonkey So I read up a bit on NARM. It's interesting. Seems to be mindfulness based like DBT, concerned with how you feel now rather than a psychotherapy model. I've always been told it's unhelpful to go over childhood trauma, do you agree? I don't understand how I can move forward without it being acknowledged and validated.

Yeah I mean it's just one modality that my therapist draws from... yet it's a powerful one. It doesn't actively go over childhood trauma, like there is no talking about or reliving it yet more acknowledging it as it surfaces in the moment and comes into understanding. Hard to explain.

It really depends on the skill and warmth of the therapist mostly though, and I think a modality like NARM tends to draw people who really care about deep healing so more likely to have those with the right disposition working from these modalities than the more conventional ones that can be a little dehumanising.

I think in a way it's essential to go over childhood trauma, in the correct way. There is bound pain that needs discharging and really it's the binding of that pain that causes all the symptoms of distress that we suffer from. The brain is malleable and can actually be healed it seems. I'm noticing small subtle shifts in my being since doing this work... it's been several months however and I will keep seeing this therapist for as long as it takes for me to start feeling like I can live more of the life I want.
Yes it needs to be acknowledged, validated and the survival strategies we then deployed to deal with that pain understood before they can start releasing and some other way of being can emerge.

BPD is really an extreme form of anxious attachment, I think. Basically it's just a desperate yearning for the wounded child inside to get the attention of their mum/dad that they never truly got... and so anyone one gets close to gets projected onto as that mum/dad by the inner wounded child that then resorts to erratic behaviour to get the love, care, attention and unconditional positive regard that the inner wounded child so desperately needs. Unfortunately the only one now, as an adult, that can give that to the inner wounded child is ourselves... and yet if we are entirely enmeshed and identified with the wounded child, which is what we are when triggered (and a trigger that goes on too long, like if a really insecure relationship triggers it like it did for me) then it becomes PTSD and we become totally fused with that wounded state and can no longer function as an adult.

I think suicide then is an attempt to shut that damn wounded child up that is just screaming and screaming and screaming inside of us because we don't know how to care for it, because we were never taught. This is the role of a skilled therapist, to gently, patiently, caringly help us to turn towards that crying inner child and pick them up and love them... and once we can genuinely begin to do that, then we start becoming more of an adult, and the hell fades away and life can become possible.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I display some of the traits of BPD to some degree.

What I am coming to understand is that it's largely an attachment disorder. Incomplete attachment with caregivers early in life had me develop strong anxiety in my attachment and low capacity for emotional regulation when connecting with someone I become attached to.

I can get really attached to women I like and I take rejection incredibly hard. And when in relationship I can be so needy and emotionally disruptive.

What I realise is that I basically project the unhealed wound of my relationship to my mum and dad onto my partner's and then just become that wounded child again.

The woman I'm with then isn't really herself to my child mind, she is my mum and dad. And of course that means I am abandoned by her.

I think bpd, and majority of mental issues, are attachment dysfunctions, I.e. childhood abuse. So it makes total sense that one behaves childlike, because emotionally one still is a child.

Regular talk therapy, especially if it's mostly cognitive based, can do little in the way of touching and healing these wounds. Much more skill, care and relationally is needed on the part of the therapist.

I do believe this stuff can be healed though.

i do think alot of adult mental health issues and emotional woes can be attributed to childood trauma -abuse(mental or physical) and/ or emotional neglect.(myself included) but i dont think BPD is always necessarily due to this- and this is the one instance where i actually do believe that there could be some kind of chemical imbalance -or 'brain wiring' problem for want of a better term- specifically with BPD not other types of depression- ive watched quite a few docu's on it & read personal testimonies - where the BP person says they had a really, stable, loving, supportive family network/ upbringing-and yet they still have this disorder & suffer the extreme highs & lows, and sometimes really young kids exhibit all the symptoms (again within in the context of a loving, caring and attentive upbringing). Have you seen Boy Interuppted? Also 32 Pills: my sisters suicide. Evelyn is another good one. Im not sure which is worse (probably just different rather than one worse than other) having this seemingly innate brain 'make-up' that makes you suffer or suffering in a similar way due to the traumas of your past/ childhood. Was gonna say with the first type atleast they were actually loved (obvs not always) despite the disorder-but then often the illness would stop them believing it - whereas others just know they werent (myself) and that is what has greatly contributed to the the emotional turmoil/issues in later life.

 

[charlottewilts]

oh my God i wish i had seen this thread earlier. i am so sorry BPD_LE. i hope you are resting in peace. i am so sorry you had to go through this.

i struggle with this so bad. so so bad. i am in this situation again for the umpteenth time. i know rationally this person is only being polite with me and all but i have this BPD demon screaming back in my mind "LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!" and i just contort my personality to match theirs. it's frightening how obsequious i can be. i had begged my ex-partner not to go back to their ex and to stay with me instead. i'm very malleable, i can act just like your ex, just please don't leave me is what i said. they left during a very stressful time in my life so i still haven't fully let go of them, even though i was treated like dirt.

i feel truly sorry for anyone who's ever interacted with me. i'm a huge mess and just end up making people uncomfortable and distancing themselves.

 

[porfin1234]

Oh man I wish so badly I had seen this sooner. In fact, that I had seen it before last year- would've probably kept me from being where I am today . Anyway

Since I split with my ex fiancé and first time really went on dates... can't believe how extremely delusional and attached I got to men I barely knew... to the point of having suicidal ideation, taking off work, just obsessing even if the rational side of me knows it wouldn't work or even that we don't really mesh well... and in general have issues with feeling extremely lonely to the point of being afraid of being alone. Like I need people to stimulate me. Last year was meaningful to me because I actually very very much enjoyed being alone for the first. But I am back to craving human touch and connection .. like desperately. It's like a drug. It's terrible and worst is how I've treated people in the past because I get so so triggered by people close to me (espc men).

here is the kicker- when I do find someone (friend or romantic interest) that really really likes me and shows interest in me... I get suspicious like something must be wrong with them. I even get scared that they are trying to trap me which is weird .. it's like I want serious but I don't. Then I've wondered if maybe I should be polyamorous .. but after seeing someone that's poly I don't know if I could handle having the other person seeing someone other than me.

then there's the constant trying to read people, if they are mad at me, avoiding me, or just busy.. had to learn to adapt last two years because never had really many friends and everyone is different

had to try hard to not take things personally. And to communicate carefully and ask rather than assume the worst.

my psychiatrist once said I don't want to be a part of a club that will have me lol

So sorry BPD_LE.. wish we could've talked more sooner. RIP

 

[BabyYoda]

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I have this problem and it's a MAJOR reason why I want to CTB. See my profile posts and other comments for details because I'm too lazy to type it out here.

That being said, everyone is better off without me. I deserve the guillotine. I have committed an unforgivable mortal sin against everyone.

Self harm is my punishment.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

I've been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, and substance induced psychosis (they haven't all said that but I think it's more so the stress). For the most part I'm glad that you all sound like me as well. I don't trust anyone. I don't think I love anyone, it's like I only commit to "for sure" things. I try to see people's motives and if they have some sort of agenda, even if they don't have one, they're suspicious, after me, spying on me, etc. I feel this impending doom 24/7 for the most part like at any time, it'll be my time, which I think is why it makes me actually a brave and courageous person, kinda hope for that act that'll kill you but save others to redeem yourself in a way (I was in the Army and I have issues with losing my purpose blah blah) went from something to nothing but left with problems that weren't addressed. Now it's all just one big mess of childhood bullshit and military, but the childhood shit was more delayed than anything and my experiences in the military brought that out, I essentially lost my mind because I WAS a stellar soldier and felt like the "real" me was sitting back in my mind watching me destroy my life with this tough guy image now just took over and wouldn't go away, I was in a very dark place for years. Today I've only controlled the rage to where it's not 24/7 but now it's 12/12, so that's progress! Lol. Idk it's torture, it's like it'll make you not give a shit and hurt people to no extent.

 

[thx1138]

Oh my god, I had no idea this was a symptom of BPD. I've never been diagnosed with it, but I have some of the symptoms.

I've been infatuated with the same person for almost 9 years... And I'm not talking about a romantic partner. I thought I was alone in my craziness lol. I've been obsessed with different people (some romantic, some not) since I was young. But this particular infatuation is almost a part of my identity now. 9 years, and I'm only 25, so a big part of my conscious life. Luckily, this person lives halfway across the world and we can never be in contact again. When we had contact, I acted crazy and desperate around him, and it hurt us both.

No therapy, medication, or approach has helped me with the anxiety I feel about human relationships, and I've decided to give up on them altogether. My infatuation is actually my security blanket, because I can love this person from far away and he will never hurt me. He's like a God to me, always silent, but omnipresent. I will never find anyone who can compare with him, so I've stopped looking. I'm completely isolated from people, and as hard as it is, it is actually better than when I was seeking love and attention from them. I want nothing, expect nothing, and it's been so long since I had any kind of intimacy or touch that I don't even miss it.

I wish I could give some advice on dealing with this, but I can't. I guess I'm just sharing my experience in the hopes that someone can relate. My only advice would be to stop interacting with the person you're infatuated with. Do whatever it takes, ask them to block your number if you have to. That's the only way, the closer you are to them, the more it will hurt you both. Accept that this is not a healthy dynamic and you can't be together until you learn to manage your emotions and stop being infatuated with them.

 

[porfin1234]

Yes! Best advice. Just cut ties from perdón you're infatuated with. How I wish I had been strong enough to do that in the past. The last person which was the worst most painful experience I actually tried to end many times but always went back. It has to be complete cutting ties even if it sounds extreme but it's like an addiction. It's embarrassing to say. Not fair to the other person either.

 

[charlottewilts]

i feel that if i cut ties with the person, i would've killed myself sooner. it's like the only thing keeping me grounded is my "love" (obsession)

 

[BPD Barbie]

Jesus I tried to put off posting in this thread, I really did. Infatuations, where to begin!
I get infatuated with almost everyone and insanely jealous. Random people I meet, doctors, work colleagues etc. I get jealous of people for choosing other people over me, even if it's their kids. It's vile, it's disgusting, it's selfish, it's so many things but it's uncontrollable. I obsess about people, stalk them, research, the list of crazy goes on and on.