GlowingStatic
snzǝǝʎ
- Dec 14, 2025
- 2
bpd is actually just a "too bad, you dont get to be happy ever, and also die" mental illness, it will rip you to shreds from the inside out >,< it gives you this burning desire to have deep and meaningful relationships where other people are your everything and vice versa, but then nothing ever is good enough. i feel like maybe this generation just isnt as friendship oriented maybe, or they just dont care? with my most recent friend group i always felt so left out they all have mutual interests except for me and so most hangouts they're making references i dont understand or watching videos of stuff i dont like and i try to be engaged with it even though i dont really like most of it but then i'll show my interests which is mostly music and they'll be like "turn this dumb music off" and then laugh like its the funniest joke to just be rude for no reason? that and i feel like i'd be the only person ever asking to do stuff and if i didnt initiate conversation or hangout its like they didnt even know me despite them messaging each other every day,, and at this point ive isolated myself for months from them and they just dont care- i feel like maybe if i didnt have bpd i'd be able to connect with people so much easier because i wouldnt require all this beyond surface level stuff that people dont really care for, and i find myself just reminiscing friendship and i keep remembering things i didnt like i have almost no good memories with my friends and yet i miss them so bad and wish they'd like me at this point the only social interaction i get is with coworkers who sadly enough are my favorite persons because they're the only people who dont treat me like scum. is it asking too much to have close and meaningful friendships? i want to have people i can talk to seriously and not just- only sit around and joke with:( i remember one time i brought up feeling suicidal to my friend group and they were like "can you not talk about this? its really triggering... and its bringing the mood down" any subject matter that isnt jokey is just treated like something you dare not talk about- im truly so envious of people with friends and when i see videos of people with friends it makes me break down because in all my years of life ive not had one friend stay with me, also unrelated but a lot of people on twitter say some really vile things about people with bpd as if its not a mental illness- same with depression too, ive been seeing a lot of "just improve yourself" attitudes as if its that easy,,, im convinced that if you have it you're just born to die because nobody in the world seems to want you around, thats enough from me though just had to scream into the void because i dont have anybody :,
