you know how you go through cycles of hating and loving someone? i'm feeling both at the same time its excruciating i hate feeling things. i want to jsut love her i want my heart to be full of pure love but its bitter and beaten up i want to love deep but not this deep. it hurts too much this way when they stop caring about you. or at least she could love me back as deeply as i do ah so so lonely ive been scrambling for any sort of human interaction anything to take my mind off of things. it's getting so bad i dont want to relapse and cut myself but i cannot stay sane otherwise. im not sane when cutting but at least it dulls it
