Venting BPD Diagnosis made everything worse

[dylanoffline]

I don't even know what to say.
My mom died earlier this year, I was really close with her. I miss her, but at the same time I'm 99% of the time very apathetic towards it. I was super close with her, I know I love her more than anything, but I still don't cry over it.
Anyway, I got my diagnosis recently, it feels like everything has changed. I know it hasn't, but it feels like it's gotten worse.
I'm friends with a few people who claim BPD despite not having any symptoms, diagnosis and in a case or two scoring too low on the BSL 23 to be considered or whatever I don't know exactly how it works.
People I see online glorify it, make it seem like a cute clingy "yandere" disorder, like all it is, is obsessive love. I hate that, it makes me feel weird to even accept my diagnosis.

I keep telling myself I'll CTB soon, but I can't bring myself too. Maybe I'm too scared or maybe I care too much about my dad. I saw how much my moms death crushed him and I can't do that to him I guess.

Maybe this post is toxic or mean I'm not sure I don't really care right now anyway.

Well wishes, thanks for reading

 

[MourningFlower]

I don't even know what to say.
My mom died earlier this year, I was really close with her. I miss her, but at the same time I'm 99% of the time very apathetic towards it. I was super close with her, I know I love her more than anything, but I still don't cry over it.
Anyway, I got my diagnosis recently, it feels like everything has changed. I know it hasn't, but it feels like it's gotten worse.
I'm friends with a few people who claim BPD despite not having any symptoms, diagnosis and in a case or two scoring too low on the BSL 23 to be considered or whatever I don't know exactly how it works.
People I see online glorify it, make it seem like a cute clingy "yandere" disorder, like all it is, is obsessive love. I hate that, it makes me feel weird to even accept my diagnosis.

I keep telling myself I'll CTB soon, but I can't bring myself too. Maybe I'm too scared or maybe I care too much about my dad. I saw how much my moms death crushed him and I can't do that to him I guess.

Maybe this post is toxic or mean I'm not sure I don't really care right now anyway.

Well wishes, thanks for reading

This post isn't toxic, or mean. Just the ventings of somebody fed up with this world, diagnosis or not. I wish you well.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I don't even know what to say.
My mom died earlier this year, I was really close with her. I miss her, but at the same time I'm 99% of the time very apathetic towards it. I was super close with her, I know I love her more than anything, but I still don't cry over it.
Anyway, I got my diagnosis recently, it feels like everything has changed. I know it hasn't, but it feels like it's gotten worse.
I'm friends with a few people who claim BPD despite not having any symptoms, diagnosis and in a case or two scoring too low on the BSL 23 to be considered or whatever I don't know exactly how it works.
People I see online glorify it, make it seem like a cute clingy "yandere" disorder, like all it is, is obsessive love. I hate that, it makes me feel weird to even accept my diagnosis.

I keep telling myself I'll CTB soon, but I can't bring myself too. Maybe I'm too scared or maybe I care too much about my dad. I saw how much my moms death crushed him and I can't do that to him I guess.

Maybe this post is toxic or mean I'm not sure I don't really care right now anyway.

Well wishes, thanks for reading

I find it a bit frustrating and worrying that BPD as a concept is now entering the consciousness of the masses. It was already a highly misunderstood disorder within the psychiatric space, and now we gotta deal with the entirety of gen z and below associating it with hot yanderes. You're absolutely right that it's often dwindled down to obsessive love, despite a lot of people with BPD not exhibiting these behaviors overtly or at all. Sharing a BPD diagnosis with someone is always a risk due to this viewpoint now being invasive and prevalent. It feels genuinely dehumanizing. BPD is chiefly marked by a sense of lacking security caused by an unstable sense of self and extreme sensitivity to abandonment and rejection. Obsessive love is one of the ways it can manifest, but it is not ubiquitous.

You can accept the diagnosis or not - you've already rejected online culture's caricature view of BPD as being a part of you, what's more important is if you relate to the behaviors and feelings associated with the disorder in a psychiatric context, and if/how you would like to treat them. The label doesn't have to be important if you don't want it to be.

And I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I experience a lot of apathy and inability to access my emotions despite emotional volatility being a trademark of the disorder. Emotional sensitivity and intensity doesn't always translate to the ability to cry or feel emotions in a clear true way. Masking, suppression, and dissociation can become so deeply engrained and relied on. Sending you a hug if you're into those.

 

[dylanoffline]

I find it a bit frustrating and worrying that BPD as a concept is now entering the consciousness of the masses. It was already a highly misunderstood disorder within the psychiatric space, and now we gotta deal with the entirety of gen z and below associating it with hot yanderes. You're absolutely right that it's often dwindled down to obsessive love, despite a lot of people with BPD not exhibiting these behaviors overtly or at all. Sharing a BPD diagnosis with someone is always a risk due to this viewpoint now being invasive and prevalent. It feels genuinely dehumanizing. BPD is chiefly marked by a sense of lacking security caused by an unstable sense of self and extreme sensitivity to abandonment and rejection. Obsessive love is one of the ways it can manifest, but it is not ubiquitous.

You can accept the diagnosis or not - you've already rejected online culture's caricature view of BPD as being a part of you, what's more important is if you relate to the behaviors and feelings associated with the disorder in a psychiatric context, and if/how you would like to treat them. The label doesn't have to be important if you don't want it to be.

And I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I experience a lot of apathy and inability to access my emotions despite emotional volatility being a trademark of the disorder. Emotional sensitivity and intensity doesn't always translate to the ability to cry or feel emotions in a clear true way. Masking, suppression, and dissociation can become so deeply engrained and relied on. Sending you a hug if you're into those.

Thank you so much oh my gosh, this was really validating and good to hear. I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to reply with such a thoughtful comment! Im not even sure what exactly to say back besides thanks!
\hug\, sending you well wishes <3