Venting Boyfriend makes me insecure

[88124540]

TW eating disorder, negative comments about body

When our relationship started, there was a time on a date when I brought up that I was hungry, and he wouldn't let me get up. I took it to heart and stopped eating around him. Then later when he realized I was insecure of my stomach and brought it up, he asked if I wanted to lose weight, so I asked if he wanted me to, and he said "Losing weight is always good,". Hes made multiple comments since and including saying that my boobs are asymmetrical.
Today when I joked that I was too fat for a belt he wanted me to try, he responded "You're not that fat,"
I have nearly broken up with him multiple times, and we've talked a lot about how he contributed to my relapse in anorexia, and which comments hurt me.
He is the only thing keeping me alive, but is making me hate myself more. idk what to do.

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

Sounds like he's becoming part of a negative feedback loop for you. This is also a form of emotional abuse.

(Not being critical) but if you can't live w/o him and he's causing you to relapse this appears to be turning into a form of codependence. I think you should kick him to the curb now. Managing anorexia is more than hard enough. You don't need him adding to your issues. Think of him as another form of alcoholism, or addiction. You already have one addiction (anorexia) you don't need a 2nd. The longer you're on the drug the harder it becomes to cut it.

 

[Makko]

Don't take relationship advice from the internet. "Break up" is the ubiquitous instant advice which is always based on only the small part of the situation that you post, which is (as usual) a complaint, which gives impulsive interneters the impression that he's a demon who does nothing but insult your weight all day.

 

[Lmd]

Prepare comfy scenarios with greasy food. Make him eat and gaing weight discreetly. Take him to the world of large sizes with you and when he doesn't fit into his old shirts you can always tell him that he is not that fat.

 

[slyna]

Stay in the relationship, because thats what you secretly want

 

[Peel_the_Banana]

Don't take relationship advice from the internet. "Break up" is the ubiquitous instant advice which is always based on only the small part of the situation that you post, which is (as usual) a complaint, which gives impulsive interneters the impression that he's a demon who does nothing but insult your weight all day.

While I understand what you mean in general, a person who doesn't "let you get up" to eat food is trying to control you. If he doesn't like fat girls then he should wait for her to gain weight then tell her its problematic because his preference is for skinny women, however I don't know any real man that would say such a thing unless she gained 100 lbs. I've only ever had one a man tell me some BS about my weight and I wasn't even overweight at the time. The mofo got his ass dumped. Two years later his ass came groveling back to me and when I mentioned it he claimed he doesn't remember it. If a man ever restricted me from making my own choices his ass can go! I don't know any grown man or healthy relationship where someone has to "let" you do something. I wish a man would try some BS like this with me!

When our relationship started, there was a time on a date when I brought up that I was hungry, and he wouldn't let me get up.

While I don't care for slyna as a person b/c they have some cruel tendencies (based on some "interesting" statements made), I can fully appreciate their honesty in everything they post. I actually agree with them. OP wants a reason to stay.

I don't need to come to the internet to find out how I should be treated by a man I open my crotch to. I'll be dammed!

Stay in the relationship, because thats what you secretly want

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, as you say it is the only thing keeping you alive. People really can be so cruel and insensitive. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you do what is best for yourself.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Saying 'you're not that fat' is sort of a common response sorta insensitive but just not thinking about what he is saying...It sounds like you are really sensitive and I can understand what you are saying. The 4 things you mention him making you feel bad about to me don't sound inherantly mean or evil. If you have asymetrical boobs it's normal for him to say something. He probably should have not said 'losing weight is always good' knowing you are anorexic. If it feels super yucky what he is saying then tell him what bothers you...I would think it would bother him to not see you eating much.

I don't know. Don't talk about weight with him. Try to eat so your anxiety doesn't spike. Not eating will make you lose it emotionally.

 

[Worndown]

Not everyone is a good match. He must not understand your eating disorder and how he is undermining your recovery. Since this is a long term issue, you need someone to support it. He does not seem to be helping. You say he is keeping you alive. How does he help there?

 

[rosie93]

Prepare comfy scenarios with greasy food. Make him eat and gaing weight discreetly. Take him to the world of large sizes with you and when he doesn't fit into his old shirts you can always tell him that he is not that fat.

Hahaha yes! Do that!

 

[Playlainin]

boyfriend btw

 

[seamus]

TW eating disorder, negative comments about body

When our relationship started, there was a time on a date when I brought up that I was hungry, and he wouldn't let me get up. I took it to heart and stopped eating around him. Then later when he realized I was insecure of my stomach and brought it up, he asked if I wanted to lose weight, so I asked if he wanted me to, and he said "Losing weight is always good,". Hes made multiple comments since and including saying that my boobs are asymmetrical.
Today when I joked that I was too fat for a belt he wanted me to try, he responded "You're not that fat,"
I have nearly broken up with him multiple times, and we've talked a lot about how he contributed to my relapse in anorexia, and which comments hurt me.
He is the only thing keeping me alive, but is making me hate myself more. idk what to do.

Sleep with his best friend

 

[88124540]

Update: maybe unneccesary to update this but we have broken up seemingly for good in january. Ignorant comments from him turned into abuse.

I did see the comments about me looking for an excuse to stay. I understand the thought process, and can say that I was hoping for some sort of miracle reason to stay. Though I think it is incredibly unhelpful for victims to blame them for staying or wanting to stay.
Plus I didn't have other support, so it was either see him and be miserable or be alone and be miserable.
When I said he was the only thing keeping me alive, It was because the few friends I had were out of state, one not being able to talk much because she was staying in residential for her anorexia. Best I could do was see my other friend once every few months or so.

Overall, this relationship ended up being awful and giving me new PTSD symptoms that I didn't exibit before. I am still considering suicide, and was considering then, especially since he didn't seem to react when it came out that I was suicidal, and later while I was having a breakdown he told me that I don't contribute anything to the world so my life is worthless.

Thank you to anyone who wrote a kind reply, It is greatly appreciated.

 

[Worndown]

I am glad he has moved out of your life. If you need non personal contact, there is an entire village here. Try to be strong and keep your options open.

 

[Huntfish34]

Sounds like he was a very toxic guy to be around.
I'm glad you both are done,. You deserve better! Thoughts and prayers to you in this thing we call life.