Venting boyfriend came out as poly, feels like next step is CTB

[misarexic]

I don't know what to say or what to do, my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me from CTB and he came out as polyamorous. I'm really monogamous and the thought of sharing him really upsets me.

I know however, that I really want him to be happy, so if he can't be polyamorous with me, then he needs to leave me. But he's the only thing keeping me from CTB.

I feel like I'm spiraling and my exit from this world is coming so much closer than I thought. I haven't been particularly suicidal until he came out yesterday, and I can't handle this.

Sorry, I never post here and I just needed to say something before I go crazy.

EDIT: was not very clear about the poly situation so let me clarify:

I have been a little misleading and Im sorry I wasn't clear. I have been aware that he was open for experimentation since the very beginning. We have tried a third in the relationship before and it went horribly, I just couldn't handle it, so we cut it off with the third and stayed monogamous. Last night he basically said he wanted to try again, and I've already TRIED polyamory and I seriously cannot do it.

I have no judgement or dislike towards polyamory or polyamorous people, I just can't do it myself, and if I'm holding him back and making him miserable, then I can't really handle that either.

Sorry, should have been more clear

 

[day]

I've always thought personally it was easier to disconnect from people like partners prior to CTB in hopes they don't get in the way, though if you're not set on the idea I'm not sure. Either way I'm sorry the world has been cruel to you, you don't deserve that pain and hurt. I hope you find peace OP in any matter. The world is so sinister sometimes..

 

[Ultimatium]

It's not over yet. Keep fighting. This is no reason for ctb. You have far more in life than just lose your love. I will CTB myself only because I have lost everything. Your lover is not everything there is more. Keep fighting

 

[Aries]

Ohhh so sorry. I understand your pain babygirl. Its difficult when you love someone deeply and then *boom* he has other people. It is your choice to decide whether you leave him or just put up with it.........but if every aspect of your life is going well, I suggest you spend sometime healing before moving forward. If you are good in finances, lifestyle and everything else, your boyfriend should not be the reason you decide to take this tough decision. I understand your pain a lot......but just give it a little more time. Cry in your room, do everything as long as it will take to get better. Peacelove ya

 

[juraviel]

polyamory doesn't mean that someone feels compelled to cheat. i'm pretty sure that's not what it means.

besides if he just came out he might still be in the process of figuring himself out.

i get that it's probably another thing on top of others that crushes you but we ought not to take our lives because of others' influence that doesn't sit right with me

 

[worstOFsociety]

Him being poly doesn't necessarily mean he'll jump into another relationship with someone else. If your not comfortable with being in a poly relationship you should talk to him about it, or if he ever brings it up that he'd like to have an open relationship or something in that style you should just tell him that your not comfortable with it and he should understand that and not push your boundaries. Think him being poly shouldn't be a deal breaker for neither of you especially if your in a happy healthy relationship. Talk to him. Your relationship doesn't have to be over just yet.

 

[Meowsies]

I understand how dark everything seems, but try to remember that this particular state of mind won't last forever. You have to look out for yourself. You can always ctb, so I recommend for you to look into other options first, whether it's medication or therapy, or whatever you think might help you. Believe me, I get you. I also want to ctb, but I owe the people who love me a try, at the very least. Surely aside from your boyfriend you might have someone else who cares for you, even if you do not see it.

 

[misarexic]

polyamory doesn't mean that someone feels compelled to cheat. i'm pretty sure that's not what it means.

besides if he just came out he might still be in the process of figuring himself out.

i get that it's probably another thing on top of others that crushes you but we ought not to take our lives because of others' influence that doesn't sit right with me

I don't believe he is going to cheat on me, and I'm probably overreacting. I don't know. I just really want him to be happy and if he can't be happy with being monogamous with me, then I'll have to let him go. Don't have much without him as I don't really have that many irl friends or family.

Him being poly doesn't necessarily mean he'll jump into another relationship with someone else. If your not comfortable with being in a poly relationship you should talk to him about it, or if he ever brings it up that he'd like to have an open relationship or something in that style you should just tell him that your not comfortable with it and he should understand that and not push your boundaries. Think him being poly shouldn't be a deal breaker for neither of you especially if your in a happy healthy relationship. Talk to him. Your relationship doesn't have to be over just yet.

I have been a little misleading and Im sorry I wasn't clear, but let me clarify: I have been aware that he was open for experimentation since the very beginning. We have tried a third in the relationship before and it went horribly, I just couldn't handle it, so we cut it off with the third and stayed monogamous. Last night he basically said he wanted to try again, and I've already TRIED polyamory and I seriously cannot do it.

I have no judgement or dislike towards polyamory or polyamorous people, I just can't do it myself, and if I'm holding him back and making him miserable, then I can't really handle that either.

I'm probably overreacting but all I want is for him to be happy

Sorry, should have been more clear

 

[worstOFsociety]

I don't believe he is going to cheat on me, and I'm probably overreacting. I don't know. I just really want him to be happy and if he can't be happy with being monogamous with me, then I'll have to let him go. Don't have much without him as I don't really have that many irl friends or family.



I have been a little misleading and Im sorry I wasn't clear, but let me clarify: I have been aware that he was open for experimentation since the very beginning. We have tried a third in the relationship before and it went horribly, I just couldn't handle it, so we cut it off with the third and stayed monogamous. Last night he basically said he wanted to try again, and I've already TRIED polyamory and I seriously cannot do it.

I have no judgement or dislike towards polyamory or polyamorous people, I just can't do it myself, and if I'm holding him back and making him miserable, then I can't really handle that either.

I'm probably overreacting but all I want is for him to be happy

Sorry, should have been more clear

Tell him that you can't do a poly relationship straight up, that your mental health doesn't allow it. I doubt he'd stay with you if he wasn't happy with you. Just try and make your boundaries clear to him and talk about it together.

 

[H.O.Xan]

coming from a poly fan, it doesn't make rational sense to put ur life worth into someone else. As much as u may appreciate their presence. If a girl or guy wants to go poly, it doesn't mean they're paying any less attention to u. If u found someone who fits a particular value for u, u will find urself fallin For them. It's just primal, guy or girl. Although girls tend to b more hung up on 1 guy for some reason. I could go on and on abt y poly's better than mono but wutever. Take some time to think this thru, if u still wanna CTB, hope u find peace.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Break up with him and find someone whom is monogamous. If you would rather CTB, then that is your choice.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I'd have a really good chat with him and tell him exactly how you feel.
If he wants to go with other people after knowing how you feel then maybe it's best to go your separate ways, because it will obviously impact your mental health in a negative way .
If he really loves you, he will honour your wishes and stay only with you.

 

[90starve]

It's not over yet. Keep fighting. This is no reason for ctb. You have far more in life than just lose your love. I will CTB myself only because I have lost everything. Your lover is not everything there is more. Keep fighting

this is definitely a reason to want to CTB - any reason is as valid as the next. please do not invalidate OP's feelings.

 

[therealmoses]

Essentially the exact same thing happened to me, I know exactly how you feel.

 

[FireWalkWithMe]

One thing I can say from experience is that if you put all your eggs in the basket that one particular person represents, there's a very high chance of disappointment and to continually enter a depressive and suicidal spiral if you already have that tendency.

Sadly you cannot ever totally trust that individuals will always be there. That's just how it is. Those people have their own minds and you can only control yours.

 

[Nephis]

I wish for you calm winds, blue skies, and starry nights.

You shine brighter than the stars in your eyes, your worry and sadness I can feel from here burns with a harsh fire, I hope that my words can quell some of it into a caring warm heat, to you who was brought to this sadness.

Love lives for you, you do no live for it, but all of us here and me will give you that same warm heat, let us meet under those starry nights, or the shores where we will gladly stay right by you.

 

[chahan.trading]

I don't know what to say or what to do, my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me from CTB and he came out as polyamorous. I'm really monogamous and the thought of sharing him really upsets me.

I know however, that I really want him to be happy, so if he can't be polyamorous with me, then he needs to leave me. But he's the only thing keeping me from CTB.

I feel like I'm spiraling and my exit from this world is coming so much closer than I thought. I haven't been particularly suicidal until he came out yesterday, and I can't handle this.

Sorry, I never post here and I just needed to say something before I go crazy.

EDIT: was not very clear about the poly situation so let me clarify:

I have been a little misleading and Im sorry I wasn't clear. I have been aware that he was open for experimentation since the very beginning. We have tried a third in the relationship before and it went horribly, I just couldn't handle it, so we cut it off with the third and stayed monogamous. Last night he basically said he wanted to try again, and I've already TRIED polyamory and I seriously cannot do it.

I have no judgement or dislike towards polyamory or polyamorous people, I just can't do it myself, and if I'm holding him back and making him miserable, then I can't really handle that either.

Sorry, should have been more clear

I cannot feel what you are feeling right now, but I only know that it is painful.

He is only one out of a million people on this planet, if you cannot accept him, it means you are not for each other. Somebody else is more suitable for you.
Talk to somebody (relatives, friends, etc.) spend time, go out, move on, keep going. Somebody for you might just be somewhere around the corner waiting.

You should be happy, and you can be happy. I wish you love and happiness.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

It's not over yet. Keep fighting. This is no reason for ctb. You have far more in life than just lose your love. I will CTB myself only because I have lost everything. Your lover is not everything there is more. Keep fighting

Going by your own logic, why not keep fighting to get back what you lost? hmm?

 

[SolomonKado]

I don't know what to say or what to do, my boyfriend is the only thing keeping me from CTB and he came out as polyamorous. I'm really monogamous and the thought of sharing him really upsets me.

I know however, that I really want him to be happy, so if he can't be polyamorous with me, then he needs to leave me. But he's the only thing keeping me from CTB.

I feel like I'm spiraling and my exit from this world is coming so much closer than I thought. I haven't been particularly suicidal until he came out yesterday, and I can't handle this.

Sorry, I never post here and I just needed to say something before I go crazy.

EDIT: was not very clear about the poly situation so let me clarify:

I have been a little misleading and Im sorry I wasn't clear. I have been aware that he was open for experimentation since the very beginning. We have tried a third in the relationship before and it went horribly, I just couldn't handle it, so we cut it off with the third and stayed monogamous. Last night he basically said he wanted to try again, and I've already TRIED polyamory and I seriously cannot do it.

I have no judgement or dislike towards polyamory or polyamorous people, I just can't do it myself, and if I'm holding him back and making him miserable, then I can't really handle that either.

Sorry, should have been more clear

I really can't deal with this world anymore. It's spinning out of control and all we can do is either hang on for dear life or let go.

Don't force yourself to do something that you tried and found you don't like it. You have to be able to live with you. The more choices you make that makes you more and more unsettled inside then the harder it's going to be to love and live with yourself. That's only my opinion and if you really are okay with it then I only wish you peace in life.