Born a Loser

[Snake of Eden]

Any other losers browsing this forum?

I always have acted in a way that sabotaged anything good that happened to me because I couldnt feel that it was good at the time I ruined it. I ruined my future, my wellbeing, made my mental health and physical health way worse than it is and still do. I ruined any good relationships that ever happened to me and still does.

it is like an addiction that I cant stop to ruining anything and everything that can be good for myself. I dont know if it has something to do with my autism but I cant stop it. Does anybody relate??

 

[Ken Ough]

Yes, but it doesn't bother me. After all, the problems run deeper than my life choices over the past few years. I need to go back 6 years in time (with my current knowledge and values) to really change something.
I've never had anything pleasant in my life, so the future doesn't seem enticing to care about.

 

[fruit-loops]

Any other losers browsing this forum?

I always have acted in a way that sabotaged anything good that happened to me because I couldnt feel that it was good at the time I ruined it. I ruined my future, my wellbeing, made my mental health and physical health way worse than it is and still do. I ruined any good relationships that ever happened to me and still does.

it is like an addiction that I cant stop to ruining anything and everything that can be good for myself. I dont know if it has something to do with my autism but I cant stop it. Does anybody relate??

We are at least 2 of us.
Life is made by choices and attitude. I have both systems clearly broken and can't stop taking wrong decisions and feel a looser

 

[Empty gas can]

Welcome to the club. This forum wouldn't exist if making good life decisions was easy.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Welcome to the club. This forum wouldn't exist if making good life decisions was easy.

Thank you. I made the worst decisions over the past 12 years even though it was obvious that i were making the wrong choices all the way but i didnt realize that until recently. It is as if there was a veil preventing me from seeing reality for what it is. I was a fool and miserable and I cant fix it or take it back

 

[logan]

When you realise that something is fundamentally wrong, you have the chance to change it.

No matter how difficult and hopeless it seems - you can at least try.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I can relate. I have always made bad choices, nothing has ever went my way. I guess I have always had bad luck as well, but I also have negative personality traits such as easily getting overwhelmed and stressed and naturally very selfish. I have always lacked the will to live.
I also have autism, I am simply not meant for this world. I wish I was never born really and it would have been much better never to exist. Life has always just been a constant struggle and there is always an underlying feeling of dread upon every waking moment. Anything positive has never lasted. I just want to be free from myself and this life. Death is the only way for me to find peace.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I always have acted in a way that sabotaged anything good that happened to me

I'm sure I do this too. But I didn't ask for life. I realize no one does, but if by legal adulthood you can consistently conclude the game of life is not worth it to you, then anything bad that happens after society is partly responsible for if they refuse to allow you to leave. This includes prohibiting adults' access to information about or means for suicide. The way I think of it, if you were FORCED to sit in a concert playing music you despise, it's irrational for others to expect you to act as if you like the music. So why are people surprised that chronically suicidal individuals "sabotaged anything good that happened" to them? We don't want to be here! What's the point of studying-for-working-towards goals that fail to provide you enough meaning and satisfaction? We just don't want to be here. (Sorry for rant.)

 

[Upos]

No matter how difficult and hopeless it seems - you can at least try.

I don't mean to offend you but this is a load of crap.

 

[death137]

I was also born a loser but it's because I'm ugly and short. I've been rotting at home for majority of the past 6 years. I sometimes blame myself for surrendering but you know what it isn't my fault. I didn't ask to be born let alone be ugly. But nature doesn't care. I will continue to be in lots of pain until I muster the courage to hang myself.

 

[Snake of Eden]

When you realise that something is fundamentally wrong, you have the chance to change it.

No matter how difficult and hopeless it seems - you can at least try.

How the heck do you know that i have a chance of changing it? Do you have a crystal ball to know my circumstances or you are just uttering none-sensical stoic positive crap like a parrot and you want to delude yourself into thinking there is always absolutely hope for everyone but they dont want to put the effort to change??

Of course i tried zillion of times. Please take your hopeful sentiment else where I dont have to be falsly judged of not trying enough.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

When you realise that something is fundamentally wrong, you have the chance to change it.

No matter how difficult and hopeless it seems - you can at least try.

I second @Upos above--not trying to offend, but it's surprising you'd feel this is a forum where that kind of optimism would be effective. I bet the majority of people here have been trying, and trying, and trying... But people have their limits.

And I agree with you that you can try to change things that are "fundamentally wrong." But the opportunity cost can be so great that it threatens your ability to do other things you have to. Again, not meaning to start a comment war. Peace.

 

[logan]

If everything is so futile and pointless, why are you discussing it here?

I thought the point was to get out of a dead end - or at least to try.

 

[Snake of Eden]

If everything is so futile and pointless, why are you discussing it here?

I thought the point was to get out of a dead end - or at least to try.

Because it is a forum where people have reached the end of their rope and seek space where they can feel relatable and between like minded people. Do you feel that you have offered a groundbreaking advice by telling me there is a chance to change to further invalidate my hopelessness? I guess not

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

If everything is so futile and pointless, why are you discussing it here?

I thought the point was

With respect, you've missed the point. I don't want to start a battle, especially here, but if that's the way you feel (and you're entitled to your feelings), then it wouldn't be worthwhile (at least for me) to go on... Have a good fall.

Because it is a forum where people have reached the end of their rope and seek space where they can feel relatable and between like minded people.

THIS

 

[BreakTheCycle]

So I wouldnt see myself as a loser even tho I choose the worst available option every single time. I'm fully responsible for the actions I took.
I destroyed many relationships. Mainly because of BPD, but at the same time I'm not only this illness. I can still make choices. I chose to run from the police. Now I have to deal with these consequences. I chose to write a goodbye post and thats been the reason I've failed 2 attempts.
So I'm not a loser. I'm just an idiot that loves to destroy everything good in his life.

 

[Upos]

If everything is so futile and pointless, why are you discussing it here?

I thought the point was to get out of a dead end - or at least to try.

Personally I came here by accident looking for an easier way than hanging myself, which I found difficult because of completely irrationate at this point survival instinct - the only thing that keeps me breathing for last months.

You were close about the point but I would cut it to just two words - getting dead.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I was born a loser. And it's mainly because I'm ugly. I never had a chance unless my parents gave me the guidance but again they are low educated, lacked exposure about the world. So yeah life been over for me since birth. I am suffering in all angles (looks + acne), no social skills anymore, social awkwardness, failure in high school because of depression because of my looks + acne. I did great in the beginning of college with studying and almost made it but then I felt unloved, not whole, and unfulfilled because I never had a BF so I felt unloved at home, society and by others so I searched it in the wrong places which eventually destroyed all desire I had left. So now I'm working to Kill myself, every goal is set. Paying off debts, and saving for funeral cost and I can go in between ending October -august 2022 the only thing holding me back then is fear.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I was born a loser. And it's mainly because I'm ugly. I never had a chance unless my parents gave me the guidance but again they are low educated, lacked exposure about the world. So yeah life been over for me since birth. I am suffering in all angles (looks + acne), no social skills anymore, social awkwardness, failure in high school because of depression because of my looks + acne. I did great in the beginning of college with studying and almost made it but then I felt unloved, not whole, and unfulfilled because I never had a BF so I felt unloved at home, society and by others so I searched it in the wrong places which eventually destroyed all desire I had left. So now I'm working to Kill myself, every goal is set. Paying off debts, and saving for funeral cost and I can go in between ending October -august 2022 the only thing holding me back then is fear.

I relate to alot of what you said like being ugly. I got "blessed" by getting an aggressive form of scalp acne called scarring alopecia at 16 year of age and it carried on with me since then. It is itchy and ugly and makes a mess of blood and pus and makes my head stinks. I always wear a hat outside of home and i sabotaged jobs because they refused that i wear a hat but i must cover my head or i see people who i talk with face to face looking at my exposed hair/scalp with the disgusted look in their faces. I know that god is punishing me for the sins i committed later in life by giving me this disease. I have zero self confidence because of it and like you i also looked for love in the wrong places by seeking promiscuity and I got burnt until I lost all desire for it. I pushed everyone away and lost everything that once was a good thing that i should have held on to. I am a miserable fuck with no value for anyone.

 

[seb9]

Been a loser all my life, i know the struggle i have always had a negative personality, im very impulsive and speak without thinking, overly emotional and hurt a lot of people who liked me despite that, made so many bad decisions there is no going back, the shame when i think back on all the stupid shit i have done and said is the worst part and the people who were close to me that tried to help me that i let down and hurt.
Im 37 now and almost completely alone, i feel like i never really had a chance i was diagnosed with a severe personality disorder when i was a child and always had low selfesteem so i tried to compensate and did a lot of stupid shit, i tried fighting back but here i am.

 

[Auto Immunity After]

I just read all of the posts from members before this post. So feeling like a "loser" is apparantly a rational reason to want to ctb........so what is a loser? According to this thread, if you have autism, acne, ugly or are short.......jump on the bus. In other threads I have read breaking up, having no social life, too fat, too skinny, depressed, hate my parents, too shy, my dog died also makes one a "loser".

So I think we are playing way to hard and fast with this word "loser" and once you put yourself in that category, all hopes and a majority of your rationality dissapears right out the window and you think you "deserve to die" because you are a "loser"

So if you were to meet someone new would you think to yourself "That guy/girl is such a loser because (insert description above)." I don't think any of us would but yet you have no problem attaching yourself to it . We all need to be kinder to ourselves, we are not "losers", we are seeking to be acknowledged, accepted and feel supported with each other and yes we all feel vunerable in some way, but that just makes us flawed human beings. I am not a Loser.

"Like" my post if you are NOT a loser.

 

[Auto Immunity After]

why are you here virtue signaling? is this some kind of weird fetish you have? i dont think people here sharing their experiences are looking for advice, its just nice to vent sometimes.

Yes I am aware of that but the "loser" term comes up again and again and its a state of mind that some people are stuck in and i only hope when people make life ending decisions that it's not based solely on I am (?) =I am a loser=ctb, I dont like how that one paticular word makes people feel, that's all I am saying

 

[Snake of Eden]

Yes I am aware of that but the "loser" term comes up again and again and its a state of mind that some people are stuck in and i only hope when people make life ending decisions that it's not based solely on I am (?) =I am a loser=ctb, I dont like how that one paticular word makes people feel, that's all I am saying

I understand but when you are the type of person who knowingly sabotage all the good things that happened to them because they subconsciously feel they dont deserve anything good but cant help themselves to ruin their lives then there is no better word to describe that more than being a loser. There is nothing more that I could do to inflict more misery on myself because i have done everything possible and now I am left to live the consequences that I long to escape but cant because i think deep down i feel that i owe it to myself to experience the pain of loss that I have created upto this point. I have woven this tapestry and now I have to stick around to marvel at my creation

 

[eduardo]

this title impressed me very much and I added this title to my profile. but I'm different from you. you are talking about your mistakes in your life but I am talking about something that I am not responsible for that. I am a very low iq person and I have a lot of anxiety and obsession problems from a time when I was a kid. I am suffering in this world but I didnt make any mistake. I was born with a lot of problems and fears . I am suffering from the foolishness of last generations but I dont bear this situation for decades. I commit suicide and I get rid of suffering and achieve peace and dignity.

 

[Snake of Eden]

this title impressed me very much and I added this title to my profile. but I'm different from you. you are talking about your mistakes in your life but I am talking about something that I am not responsible for that. I am a very low iq person and I have a lot of anxiety and obsession problems from a time when I was a kid. I am suffering in this world but I didnt make any mistake. I was born with a lot of problems and fears . I am suffering from the foolishness of last generations but I dont bear this situation for decades. I commit suicide and I get rid of suffering and achieve peace and dignity.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I too have born with different brain than neurotypical and always felt alone and isolated in my thinking and as result I experienced alot of bullying and indignity. I think that i made the mistakes i did because of the influence of having neurodivergent brain and i lack the foresight to make the right decision with alot of propensity to avoid uncomfortable situations. I too want to exit this life because I cant ever fit in or make my life good again. I wish you peace

 

[Auto Immunity After]

I understand but when you are the type of person who knowingly sabotage all the good things that happened to them because they subconsciously feel they dont deserve anything good but cant help themselves to ruin their lives then there is no better word to describe that more than being a loser. There is nothing more that I could do to inflict more misery on myself because i have done everything possible and now I am left to live the consequences that I long to escape but cant because i think deep down i feel that i owe it to myself to experience the pain of loss that I have created upto this point. I have woven this tapestry and now I have to stick around to marvel at my creation

You said "There is nothing more I can do to inflict more misery on myself".......there is one thing you can do............Stop inflicting .............just stop.........the only thing you owe to yourself is to be forgiving of your past, it's done, we cant change our pasts.......but we dont have to torture ourselves now with terms like "loser" and others , which keeps you trapped in the misery you and others are living in. I know your situation, I am your friend as you already know. Stop hating yourself, we all need to stop hating and blaming ourselves for things we said or did and decisions we made in the past and can't change. It's not about staying or leaving, just accepting ourselves as we are and then making life decisions from that point.......from a place of acceptance.

 

[Snake of Eden]

You said "There is nothing more I can do to inflict more misery on myself".......there is one thing you can do............Stop inflicting .............just stop.........the only thing you owe to yourself is to be forgiving of your past, it's done, we cant change our pasts.......but we dont have to torture ourselves now with terms like "loser" and others , which keeps you trapped in the misery you and others are living in. I know your situation, I am your friend as you already know. Stop hating yourself, we all need to stop hating and blaming ourselves for things we said or did and decisions we made in the past and can't change. It's not about staying or leaving, just accepting ourselves as we are and then making life decisions from that point.......from a place of acceptance.

I wish that i can oneday. I dont know how to stop it. It is like a barrage of intrusive thoughts that eat at me.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I'm sorry everyone. If it makes anybody feels better, I swear I'm the worst of all.

I was never good at anything. My mental health were always a mess, despite never being diagnosed with depression, my head is surely a mess.

I got held back at school twice, got a useless college degree only to end up in a underpaid job being bossed around by the stupidest man ever who schedules meetings just to blame me for things that aren't my fault so he can save his sorry ass.

Never dated anyone, girls always made fun of me. I watched my crush tongue kiss her boyfriend in front of me, get pregnant and shove it in my face on a Facebook post.

My physical health deteriorated over time, now I can't breathe properly, have severe problems concentrating because of my breathing. Therapists and even my family always tries to blame me for everything and now, tells me that my physical problems "only exists within your head."

Got kicked out from a friend's group because supposedly I was too depressed, even though I never said anything.

Well, I don't know why I'm alive. My breathing issues leaves me restless because I wake up every night gasping for air.

Yup, I have a PhD in being a punching bag.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I'm sorry everyone. If it makes anybody feels better, I swear I'm the worst of all.

I was never good at anything. My mental health were always a mess, despite never being diagnosed with depression, my head is surely a mess.

I got held back at school twice, got a useless college degree only to end up in a underpaid job being bossed around by the stupidest man ever who schedules meetings just to blame me for things that aren't my fault so he can save his sorry ass.

Never dated anyone, girls always made fun of me. I watched my crush tongue kiss her boyfriend in front of me, get pregnant and shove it in my face on a Facebook post.

My physical health deteriorated over time, now I can't breathe properly, have severe problems concentrating because of my breathing. Therapists and even my family always tries to blame me for everything and now, tells me that my physical problems "only exists within your head."

Got kicked out from a friend's group because supposedly I was too depressed, even though I never said anything.

Well, I don't know why I'm alive. My breathing issues leaves me restless because I wake up every night gasping for air.

Yup, I have a PhD in being a punching bag.

I follow you posts and you are my favorite person on the forum as you have a unique and gentle way of addressing matters. I know and relate to being always blamed for our shortcomings. I recognize that in myself that I cant tell which is caused by mental health deficiencies or just poor decision making. We cant separate who we are from our mental health especially if there is something wrong with the physiology of our brains that make us the people we are. I hope you accept hugs from me.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I've definitely become one; I have things I've achieved that I do nothing with.