I lived in EDNOS hell during adolescence and young adulthood. In my case it was gender-dysphoria-related. One medical transition later, and the mental, body-horror stuff is at least somewhat better. Physically speaking, my body's still wrecked from decades of eating patterns designed to liberate a couple molecules of dopamine here and there, and not remotely related to nutrition, health, or the basics of staying alive. Oops.
Anybody else have a relationship with their body like it's the Amityville Horror house, and you're the family it's tormenting? You don't own it. It owns you, and it hates your fucking guts. New and bizarre forms of suffering appear all the time, making your life absolutely impossible for a few days, or months, or years. Then they're gone for no obvious reason, and something else even worse shows up. I have a Medic Alert bracelet with like 7 different things on it. Yes, they were all actually diagnosed by actual doctors. I guess if you live with a ton of stress long enough, everything just starts coming apart at the seams.
I tried ketamine for my severe depression, but I had the worst bad trips on it. I sometimes used to hallucinate that I was living in some kind of Truman Show reality, only rated a really strong R. Closer to The Squid Game, really, only in this version you want to die, but can't. The apparent goal is to watch me slowly break down over time . . . to satisfy some morbid curiousity about what will get me to start staggering, and then crawling, and then flailing, and then just lying there, decomposing, but conscious ... forever. The doc at the ketamine clinic wanted me to analyze the stuff I would experience while I was under the effects of the drug. Like a vision quest thing, I guess. Well, I "discovered" that I feel like the subject of a horrible experiment, or maybe like a fly some twisted little kid is pulling the wings and legs off of. Thank you, subconscious, for informing me of TOTALLY OBVIOUS SHIT.
Ya, that got really dark for something I originally intended to be a support post. Sry. Brane sux. Nxt post.