Help Blaming someone for suicide for revenge, even though they're not to blame?

[patheticpartner]

A mix of a story, venting, and seeking help post.

My ex faked his side of our relationship. He came clean about it after I begged for the truth after he broke up with me. He said he was just pretending, and he waited a year to break up with me because his form of OCD makes him erroneously feel responsible for things. He thought I'd die if he broke up with me, but he ended up breaking up with me since lying wasn't sustainable.

He says that our year was the most miserable and stressed he's ever been because he felt guilty for lying the whole time. He thinks his actions were justified, but he agrees it was a shitty thing to do because he was able to end his suffering (that he himself caused [he was never trapped in our relationship; it was a loving relationship with communication and openness that he just faked, which is why I will never trust anyone's actions/behavior/words again]) whereas I'll always suffer.

I cut contact with him months ago, but now I want to tell him something like "Congratulations on getting away with everything, including murder. Maybe you'll see me in hell."

Can someone talk me out of sending it? I've never felt such a strong need for revenge. I really want to make him emotionally suffer since he basically ruined my life (or I let him, or however anyone wants to describe it).

 

[painoflife]

I'm not sure I can talk you out of it but maybe you need to think what it would achieve?
It might make you feel better initally but then you don't know how he would reply (it could make things worse). It also might alert him to your plan and then he could contact services for a welfare check and cause hassle that way

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I had a guy keep me on a string, wouldn't admit when I called him out. Then he was deployed in a war zone and my family and I sent him lots of care packages. He came back on leave, spent a week with me, and on the day he left, admitted he wasn't in love with me but wanted to stay friends. Yeah, no.

I was angry for years. Then I did some therapy around boundaries and self-respect, and owned it that I knew he wasn't in love with me and kept taking his shit. I'm not saying that's what your part of things was or that you knew, no blaming toward you at all, only that with the distance of time and with some good resources, you can get a better handle on the whole thing. I certainly would never get played that way again, I would recognize the signs right off and walk away. He had a bad pattern, I had a bad pattern, and it all just sucked. He had no capacity to take ownership of his shit, nor I mine, really.

I'll gladly try to talk you out of your current revenge plan. If you want revenge, maybe something like poopsenders dot com? Read the testimonials, they're hilarious.

 

[Tired_Tired]

Revenge is something deeply inside your heart you think you may hurt him, but the reality is the effect is so little; especially on who someone didn't care about you. If you release demons inside your mind you may not want to use CTB as revenge. The truth is it's difficult for us to release our demons on our mind because we have emotions like hate, joy, crying etc. Even the revenge may not work, but most of people think it will end their sufferings.

 

[L0b5t3r]

Revenge CTB is something I'm sure everyone has considered at some point ... however it shouldn't be the reason to go through with it, in the end you won't be around to benefit from whatever comfort is gained from revenge. If you are gonna do it do it for you

 

[Toonloon]

If you do that you're confirming what he falsely assumed. Your upset and have every right to be cause he lied to you and left you emotionally fucked up. But you don't want to be confirming his false opinion of you and giving him ammunition to say "I was right" when he was not.

 

[Intotheflames]

It's just me but I will never ctb over romantic related reason. It is overestimated to think one's ctb would make an lasting impact on those don't care enough.

 

[Supertramp]

Suicide is a choice made by an individual. Blaming anyone else for you decision to take your life is wrong.

It's even more wrong if you feel like blaming someone else is justifiable AND you're purposely blaming a blameless person out of revenge.

 

[ZardozOmega]

Don't. If you survive, you'll never be able to forgive yourself. I've done it, and it was an absolute disgrace.

 

[Wrennie]

If you genuinely despise someone enough to entertain the idea of blaming them for your death, doesn't that imply that they *are* somewhat at fault for pushing you to that point?

 

[Supertramp]

If you genuinely despise someone enough to entertain the idea of blaming them for your death, doesn't that imply that they *are* somewhat at fault for pushing you to that point?

As a practitioner of stoicism, no.

"When therefore we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others, but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles. An uninstructed person will lay the fault of his own bad condition upon others. Someone just starting instruction will lay the fault on himself. Some who is perfectly instructed will place blame neither on others nor on himself."

~ Epictetus's Enchiridion 5