Venting Birthdays

[PlasticFace]

My birthday is tomorrow, which means happy birthday gifts, parties, texts, and another year of life. I don't usually celebrate my birthday and my friends know that but they always get me things and tell me happy birthday anyways and I don't think I can do that this year. I don't know how to tell them I don't feel up to it. I hope they'll understand and not think I'm just one of those people that tell others not to get them anything but secretly hope they do. Birthdays always come with anxiety. I normally just have some people over for a couple of hours, maybe smoke, maybe drink, and then they leave and I just cry. I don't cry often but I have always had a meltdown after a birthday. Every year I say it'll be my last birthday but obviously, that's a lie. I don't know why I won't just CTB. My friends know that I'm suicidal, that I have been my entire life. They always treat me like a glass doll and it's sooo annoying. I guess they're just trying to show that they care but I do not need a caretaker! I am a grown man, I live alone, I work, I pay my bills, and I am just fine on my own! I will always prefer to be alone. I wonder what my mom is going to do tomorrow. I wonder if she'll try to call me or send me something. I doubt it, but I still wonder. I remember when I was a little kid, probably in third grade, we would have class parties for kids' birthdays and everybody would bring in snacks for the class and whatever. I loved doing that as a kid and it made me really happy because I felt normal. Of course, I wasn't able to bring anything for my birthday, so my friend's mom brought food for me and I will never forget how angry my mom was when I came home. She thought I was making her look bad and she cried and cried and cried because that's all she knows to do. Birthdays just have a lot of baggage I guess. Never liked them and I never will. Hopefully, this one will actually be my last, I've suffered through enough happy birthday songs I think.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't like birthdays as well and what they represent which is another year spent existing here in this cruel world and I simply don't wish to age, the thought of ageing is horrific to me. There could never be anything "happy" about this, it's a curse to exist in this world in the first place.

 

[Yuki K]

My birthday is tomorrow, which means happy birthday gifts, parties, texts, and another year of life. I don't usually celebrate my birthday and my friends know that but they always get me things and tell me happy birthday anyways and I don't think I can do that this year. I don't know how to tell them I don't feel up to it. I hope they'll understand and not think I'm just one of those people that tell others not to get them anything but secretly hope they do. Birthdays always come with anxiety. I normally just have some people over for a couple of hours, maybe smoke, maybe drink, and then they leave and I just cry. I don't cry often but I have always had a meltdown after a birthday. Every year I say it'll be my last birthday but obviously, that's a lie. I don't know why I won't just CTB. My friends know that I'm suicidal, that I have been my entire life. They always treat me like a glass doll and it's sooo annoying. I guess they're just trying to show that they care but I do not need a caretaker! I am a grown man, I live alone, I work, I pay my bills, and I am just fine on my own! I will always prefer to be alone. I wonder what my mom is going to do tomorrow. I wonder if she'll try to call me or send me something. I doubt it, but I still wonder. I remember when I was a little kid, probably in third grade, we would have class parties for kids' birthdays and everybody would bring in snacks for the class and whatever. I loved doing that as a kid and it made me really happy because I felt normal. Of course, I wasn't able to bring anything for my birthday, so my friend's mom brought food for me and I will never forget how angry my mom was when I came home. She thought I was making her look bad and she cried and cried and cried because that's all she knows to do. Birthdays just have a lot of baggage I guess. Never liked them and I never will. Hopefully, this one will actually be my last, I've suffered through enough happy birthday songs I think.

Reminds of last year when I tried to ctb on my birthday. Dunno but the concept of birth and death on the same day is just so perfect. My last year birthday was supposed to be my last day but it clearly failed