Venting Birthday

[esthe]

Today's my birthday, and I dread it. I always have, and can't wait for the day to end, even though it's only started, in a way. I don't know why I feel this bad about it, it could be the awareness of having flushed another year down the toilet, or the hypocrisy that comes with some people who just pretend to care for a day which is in the end like all the others, only to not give a shit afterwards. But reasons aside, it's unbearable sometimes. I more than often think about ending it all during this particular day, but because of the lack of means, and also of guts, I don't do that in the end, and I just feel like a coward. Sorry for the rant, and the format.

 

[carac]

Would it be untoward to wish you a happy birthday

 

[esthe]

Would it be untoward to wish you a happy birthday

No haha. Thank you though, hope you'll have a good day

 

[cheese.out]

I feel that. In a few weeks I have birthday too and I dont know how to feel about this. nonetheless i wish you a happy birthday and I hope you find your peace.

 

[esthe]

I feel that. In a few weeks I have birthday too and I dont know how too feel about this. nonetheless i wish you a happy birthday and I hope you find your peace.

Thanks, it can be...difficult to deal with those things, but hopefully we'll both find some peace one day

 

[William01]

Today's my birthday, and I dread it. I always have, and can't wait for the day to end, even though it's only started, in a way. I don't know why I feel this bad about it, it could be the awareness of having flushed another year down the toilet, or the hypocrisy that comes with some people who just pretend to care for a day which is in the end like all the others, only to not give a shit afterwards. But reasons aside, it's unbearable sometimes. I more than often think about ending it all during this particular day, but because of the lack of means, and also of guts, I don't do that in the end, and I just feel like a coward. Sorry for the rant, and the format.

Yes I can entirely relate to that. I always really really dread mines and feel the most suicidal in the year. Its mines on the 18th, 37 years of failure and nothing! 37 years I didn't ask for i think it's also the awareness of not being normal, fitting into this life. I bloody hate myself and birthdays are like a way of rubbing salt in the wound. I have sn , just in process of getting my head around it.

I'll not say happy birthday because I hate the said to me, but I hope you had an OK day.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello, on this special day @esthe!
Your past birthdays had been lacklustre,
But I hope it's different this year -
You're on this forum, where people hear!

I hope you get truthful wishes.
And I hope you have tasty dishes.
But even when you don't have these things,
We are still here to hear your musings.

Thanks so much for sharing your birthday,
Because we can say something to you.
I'm so sorry what you are going through -
I wish your pain will soon go away.

I more than often think about ending it all during this particular day, but because of the lack of means, and also of guts, I don't do that in the end, and I just feel like a coward.

You seem to feeling trapped here.
Today it's your birthday, so please talk about whatever you want to, because in this forum, you have a right to say you're unhappy.

I hope your birthday will be a bit less unbearable

Love,
LoiteringClouds

 

[esthe]

Hello, on this special day @esthe!
Your past birthdays had been lacklustre,
But I hope it's different this year -
You're on this forum, where people hear!

I hope you get truthful wishes.
And I hope you have tasty dishes.
But even when you don't have these things,
We are still here to hear your musings.

Thanks so much for sharing your birthday,
Because we can say something to you.
I'm so sorry what you are going through -
I wish your pain will soon go away.


You seem to feeling trapped here.
Today it's your birthday, so please talk about whatever you want to, because in this forum, you have a right to say you're unhappy.

I hope your birthday will be a bit less unbearable

Love,
LoiteringClouds

Aww hey, thank you so much, this made me tear up a little. This is one of the reasons why I love this forum, I feel free to talk about everything in here without being anxious of any possible kind of judgement. And there's people who are ready to listen, or give some advice, you are all so kind and I'm so grateful for that. Truly. Have a good day <3

Yes I can entirely relate to that. I always really really dread mines and feel the most suicidal in the year. Its mines on the 18th, 37 years of failure and nothing! 37 years I didn't ask for i think it's also the awareness of not being normal, fitting into this life. I bloody hate myself and birthdays are like a way of rubbing salt in the wound. I have sn , just in process of getting my head around it.

I'll not say happy birthday because I hate the said to me, but I hope you had an OK day.

I feel you, a normal day is tiring enough, but those? Awful. Now it's not going too bad, apart from the melancholy I'm just trying to distract myself and wait for it to pass. I hope you're having a nice day

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally don't like what birthdays represent which is just another year of suffering so unnecessarily, your feelings certainly are understandable but anyway best wishes.

 

[venin]

Today's my birthday, and I dread it. I always have, and can't wait for the day to end, even though it's only started, in a way. I don't know why I feel this bad about it, it could be the awareness of having flushed another year down the toilet, or the hypocrisy that comes with some people who just pretend to care for a day which is in the end like all the others, only to not give a shit afterwards. But reasons aside, it's unbearable sometimes. I more than often think about ending it all during this particular day, but because of the lack of means, and also of guts, I don't do that in the end, and I just feel like a coward. Sorry for the rant, and the format.

I know what you feel. It's exactly the same for me. Wishing you easier and happier days

 

[natthebrat]

I hate my birthday too, bc well, I hate my birth and wish it never happened. I only "celebrate" bc the people around me decide to. Not long ago, I had the thought that I could just think of it as marking another year closer to death, maybe that could help you tolerate it more too?

 

[esthe]

I know what you feel. It's exactly the same for me. Wishing you easier and happier days

Thank you <3

I personally don't like what birthdays represent which is just another year of suffering so unnecessarily, your feelings certainly are understandable but anyway best wishes.

Exactly, just a reminder of that. Even though I'm late, thank you, and have a good day <3

I hate my birthday too, bc well, I hate my birth and wish it never happened. I only "celebrate" bc the people around me decide to. Not long ago, I had the thought that I could just think of it as marking another year closer to death, maybe that could help you tolerate it more too?

Thinking about it that way does make it slightly less hard to go through. Having to celebrate is a pain, reason why I decided not to do that at all, despite others wanting me to, and that surely made it a little better. If it can help and you don't feel like celebrating, try talking it through with family or friends (the ones who want to celebrate it with you). In the end it's just another day, which has to pass like the others. Hope you'll have a great day <3