Recently got that diagnosis too. Ive never experienced a manic episode like the one I had over the summer so I never thought I had this. A ground swallowing up, social justice warrior type manic episode, sparked by real life events this year that I do believe in, where I got arrested (for running off with a v dodgy guy I'd just met and someone in my life freaked out, also I'd threatened violence the day before) That's not who I am, so totally out of character. I somehow made it through 3 mental health act assessments, two while in custody. Episode also involved alcohol and I hardly drink normally. For some reason I felt I had to show different counties support by buying their national drink and generally doing shots. I mean in a Jewish graveyard with tequila on one occasion. I'm not Jewish or Mexican or anything, just felt drawn to every country, religion and was aiming for world peace somehow. I just read on Sinead O Connors Twitter, she a
apologised for a recent rant and called herself a full-on crazy b****. Yeah... me too love, I've tried to be normal all my life and for years at a time managed it to the outward world.
During episode I was telling them I didn't want their help, they've never been able to help me in all those years, I know myself best and that if they needed some advice on improving their services and how to engage with people that's the only way I'd engage with them. Yes, grandiose, as they've described, but also based on some truth imo. So I refused their services. medication and it took 3 months to come down from that and fully recognise that was a manic episode and my two bipolar friends were in fact right, I do have it after all.
So the moment I reached out for help I had to start afresh through the gp, which is where a gp carelessly told me that on my notes it says bipolar affective disorder, first I'd heard. Such a shock hearing it like that. Then waiting list for 6 weeks then 3 phone calls, last one I got upset as feel this summer could have been prevented but I think using the terms medical negligence and patronising were not wise. Discharged from MH services now, with care plan that does state I have a plan I could enact. I think they think at my age I'm just attention seeking. I didn't say exactly, was really careful how I said it just told her, in that call, that I felt almost dangerous as I'm now fully equipped with knowledge and that I know next time will be successful. I know me saying this is that part of me that does want to live. I do, just don't think I can live with this condition. I'm now on the the new regime of low dose aripiprazole which after some discussion on meds with least potential side effects is apparently the best there is, depending on unique biochemistry I guess. This was 2 weeks ago.
I had engaged with MH services for months the year before after my serious but failed ctb attempt. I lost faith when it just became art and gardening and I only saw a psychiatrist once for 20 mins about 6 months after my attempt. Saw one in hospital in a room full of other professionals but was so close to attempt I was traumatised and can't really remember it.Ended with diagnosis of severe depressive episode with psychotic features and I took the medication (quetiapine, along with the mirtazapine I'm already on) I was prescribed for about a year. I've mostly always been compliant and tried what they've suggested which really hadn't been much apart from meds, gardening and art and a couple of group therapy sessions where no one really wanted to say much. I've always got too many words, obvious here. Talked too much. What a surprise. I was trying to recover and help others too. Made two really good friends along the way. Both bipolar, neither have suicidal ideation so I can't talk to them about this. I'm concerned about their well-being too and it's upset them when I've tried to talk.
I've never in all the times I've engaged with MH teams ever been asked the diagnostic criteria to diagnose anything. I know it's an art as someone said but I feel in my case there's been so much history, I have cried out for help many times, even researched and thought I had a personality disorder, which is still possible, but I wasn't heard. I then went to private counsellor who didn't really believe in these labels, which I get, she thought there was nothing wrong with me apart from family. So got part time job, entered acceptable society again, left behind thoughts I had a MH condition and worked my way through various jobs up to the decision to apply to go to university. This was best time in my life. Felt I had made it and found my purpose in life. completed two years, then my dad died, other things happened and it all came crashing down.
In short, I've really tried, too. This is a curse and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I feel both failed and a failure.
And ALWAYS too many words. Verbose. Sorry not sorry but still sorry
And that doesn't even answer your question as I'm wondering the same. is there hope with this. Hard to feel there is, but I know there is. For some people. Like my two friends. They've both got it really under control but it has taken some years and med adjustments to get there and they have both been failed by the system at many points. Took them both years, now they have to and want to stay on their meds and they're managing really well.