Venting Bipolar CTB No Life NEET

[Isit]

My brain is trying to kill me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I used to be high functioning. I used to have an active social life. I used to have goals and aspirations.

Now I'm a total shut in. When I think about leaving the house I feel anxious. I project my own self loathing on to other people. I believe they see me and think "look at that loser".

My social media feed is full of my peers getting married and having children. Everyone seems to be having such a grand ol' time. Life is one big party.

Not for me.

Downtrodden and forgotten.

Living in a pit of despair. Clothes unwashed, surrounded by takeaway remnants and unopened debt collection letters.

Every day is the same monotony. Wake up. "Why am I here" I exclaim.
I check my phone. No messages. I do not dare open my curtains, the light is blinding and uncomfortable. "I wish I had a gun" I'll mutter.

"Maybe I'll email D back and get that N. Oh no but it's too much money... What if it doesn't arrive? Are you really ready to ctb?"

I don't know.

I've been here before. I got out. I had some good times, can't recall those memories because brain won't let me. Brain just wants to focus on sad memories. How do I get out of this!?

Hard fucking work. Keep pestering p doc for med review. Clean up diet, get back on the keto and lose all that weight. Force myself out the house. Exercise. Cold showers and meditation. Clean your damn room.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

What is the point of all this? Why are we born in to a life of suffering?

Some can handle it.

For some the good outweighs the bad. They are the lucky ones.

Get dealt the bipolar cards and 75% of life is pure misery with 20% chaos and a 5% dash of maniacal joy.

The humane thing would be to allow people to opt out of this life if they choose. Why are cats and dogs allowed a dignified death but we are not? It's nonsensical.

I just want to die peacefully in my sleep. Put me under and snuff me out.

I hope one day they find a fucking cure for this illness. Won't hold my breath though... Or maybe I will.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be very dreadful to live a life filled with suffering. It can be the most horrible feeling, knowing that only misery lies ahead. I also want to just peacefully pass away, it is cruel how people are denied the option to exit this world in a peaceful way. None of us asked to be alive in the first place anyway. It hurts me that ctb is so difficult. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[jimmy7754]

That's me right there.

 

[ImpulsiveFreak]

My brain is trying to kill me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I used to be high functioning. I used to have an active social life. I used to have goals and aspirations.

Now I'm a total shut in. When I think about leaving the house I feel anxious. I project my own self loathing on to other people. I believe they see me and think "look at that loser".

My social media feed is full of my peers getting married and having children. Everyone seems to be having such a grand ol' time. Life is one big party.

Not for me.

Downtrodden and forgotten.

Living in a pit of despair. Clothes unwashed, surrounded by takeaway remnants and unopened debt collection letters.

Every day is the same monotony. Wake up. "Why am I here" I exclaim.
I check my phone. No messages. I do not dare open my curtains, the light is blinding and uncomfortable. "I wish I had a gun" I'll mutter.

"Maybe I'll email D back and get that N. Oh no but it's too much money... What if it doesn't arrive? Are you really ready to ctb?"

I don't know.

I've been here before. I got out. I had some good times, can't recall those memories because brain won't let me. Brain just wants to focus on sad memories. How do I get out of this!?

Hard fucking work. Keep pestering p doc for med review. Clean up diet, get back on the keto and lose all that weight. Force myself out the house. Exercise. Cold showers and meditation. Clean your damn room.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

What is the point of all this? Why are we born in to a life of suffering?

Some can handle it.

For some the good outweighs the bad. They are the lucky ones.

Get dealt the bipolar cards and 75% of life is pure misery with 20% chaos and a 5% dash of maniacal joy.

The humane thing would be to allow people to opt out of this life if they choose. Why are cats and dogs allowed a dignified death but we are not? It's nonsensical.

I just want to die peacefully in my sleep. Put me under and snuff me out.

I hope one day they find a fucking cure for this illness. Won't hold my breath though... Or maybe I will.

I feel this so much, being bipolar has held me back so much in life and makes me so unlikable. I hate feeling alone, helpless and suicidal all the time not to mention the anxiety that comes with it. It's fucked cause we didn't choose how we were born, it's almost as if your set up to fail. That if you were born with a fucked up brain your destined for doom and misery. Just another crazy person in the world forever and now you got to deal with it, I hate it so much!