Venting Bi polar and the upswing

[seasons4changing]

I have bi polar 1 and right now sitting on the upswing that life is great. Might feel cute and actually go out and do something with my life. It makes me feel insane. I hate this so much. My medication makes it worse. What's real? Nothing is for me. This is fake happiness but my brain is telling me otherwise. Fml the crash is inevitable. My SN arrived yesterday not sure if I'll ride out the holidays for the kids yet but I'm pretty much done. My bi polar high won't let me ctb but I might during the crash.